I'm off track

My husband and I attended a service at a local church in Baton Rouge years ago--just out of a whim. We had drifted way off course in our faith, in our relationship, in our lives... and the spirit spoke to us that night  when the pastor gave his sermon, which was appropriately named The Drift. It was all about the NEED to remain conscious of where we stand. That if we become lazy, we drift away from the light of God--from the kingdom. Every day should begin with a purposeful repositioning--making sure you're heading Godward.

Well that sermon struck a cord with me even though I was too proud to admit it at the time.

Lee and I have referenced the teachings of that message constantly through the years.  But in recent months, through the stresses of this move, I hadn't noticed how far I'd drifted... Yea, I still go to church twice a week, but you would never tell from my attitude, my thoughts, and my actions.

How can I expect God to send grace down onto my life, if I'm not even making a conscious effort to live a pleasing life??? How can I expect goodness and mercy, when I'm so mean and unforgiving? This is not a God directed life.

As I sit here and type, I'm thinking of all of my sins... the ones that are obvious ie: bad attitude, quick to anger, laziness; and the ones that I keep buried down deep. But wanna know what happens when you bury something??? if you bury it and deny it nourishment, it dies. But if you're like me and you bury it in the rich soil of your constant thoughts, feed it regularly with attention, and protect it from destruction by refusing to acknowledge how harmful it is to you... it grows and becomes a tangled mess. Like a labyrinth that you've no way of knowing how to escape. It blocks your path. It blocks your vision. It blocks grace.

My future is too uncertain to further complicate it with a lack of vision. It is time that I do a reckoning. It starts today with right now!