What it was I couldn't even begin to tell you, but when I say that I didn't want to talk--I'm being sincere. Not this flaky, "I don't wanna talk about it" kind of thing, but of the most basic conversational level. I had nothing to say. Every word of mine in response to someone else was scrutinized with such intensity that I would let it just evaporate into nothingness--- simply not reply. My usual social butterfly self has been a recluse and a mute as of late.
But something happened last night--I spoke. for 2 hours. to my friend. and I needed it.
And although I don't feel at 100%, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Starting to realize how rude I may have been behaving toward my friends. And they deserve my replies....
Let me just say how incredibly RUDE I think it is to send someone an email or leave him/her a voicemail to not receive a single acknowledgment that it was even read or heard. I do NOT want to be that person, but I found myself slipping into that just out of indifference.
No more. I cannot allow myself to be that type of person, and I have been to so many. Texts never answered, emails never replied, calls never returned. I hope my friends will forgive me for my silence.
*****I wrote this about two weeks ago, and the fact that I'm just now publishing it goes to show how recluse I've become************