Desperate

So many things are flailing all around me,
While requirements and goals and competition and expectations
are strung around my neck.
And when  the end to my struggles drew near,
My noose was loosened
And wrapped around you instead.

And I'm left with less hope than when I started.
If only I could take it all back,
and be the one still hanging.
Relieve your pressure
Your mounting pressure.
The overwhelming stress
That is building within your life.
And replace it with the peace you once knew
I'd gladly tie it on myself.

Delve

First Day

My husband had his first day at his new job today, and I swear I was probably a more nervous wreck than he was!

It's crazy. I was acting as if it was his first day at school thinking "I hope the others are nice to him. I hope that he fits in. I hope he has fun. I hope he's happy."

So when he comes home and slaps on a fake smile and says "it was alright..." my heart sank.  I know it's never perfect on your first day, but I was praying that it would be perfect for him. No need to adjust because he fits right in...

Not the case. And my hormonal, emotional self just started to cry. I cried most of the evening just wishing things would have gone better! In all honesty, my husband's happiness, comfort, and well-being both emotionally and physically are the more important things to me.

If he came home and said that he discovered his new calling and that is to be the fries specialist at McDonald's I would support him.

Where to start

Lia is 5 now.

I cooked a 20 lbs turkey today

I'm debating whether I should hit black friday sales for the first time in my life!

I'm praying that I can write 7 more auto in order to collect my paycheck at work.

I'm stressed for my husband who recently decided to change jobs.

We're looking at homes with a realtor.

Oh and did I mention....

I'm having a girl in March!

Life has been running away from me recently, and it's time to start slowing down.  if not on the outside, then definitely on the inside.

I've just allowed everything to overwhelm me to the point where there are no words to express anything anymore.

There is no thankfulness. There is no peace. There is no lucidity.

I feel insecure, unsettled and stressed.

I need to take charge again.