I need to learn

how to just *stop singing* so I don't feel like such a stupid idiot on stage.  Worship today was one of the hardest mornings of my life.

It's very difficult to go up there and sing worship when you are so self-conscious. It is the complete opposite of the purpose of worship, which is to glorify and praise God.

#mortified #humiliated

My Gutsy Girl

Yesterday at 4 PM we pulled into our driveway. The girls and I had just arrived home from picking Lia up from school, when I felt inspired to ask Lia how she felt about going door to door.

What am I talking about? School Fundraiser Time, baby!

Lia has been so excited because the class who sells the most coupon books gets rewarded with a CUPCAKE party! And in a manner of optimism that only a 6 year can muster, she was certain that her class was going to win. Little does she know that mommy volunteers with PTA and has seen the numbers. In order to win, every student has to sell, and up until yesterday 3:59PM the only book she had sold was to me--the lone name, address, and order on her fundraising envelope.

I thought about myself as a child and how embarrassed and scared I was to ask someone to buy something from me. I remember sending everything with my mom to work and having her coworkers order the wrapping paper, World's Best Chocolates, or whatever it was we were selling that year. And because of this I never asked Lia to try to sell her fundraising items. I always just assumed she's be scared or too shy--just unwilling to put herself out there, just as I was. 

But when we pulled into the driveway, something came over me. I was so disappointed in myself, and I knew we could do better than 1 sold to mommy. So I looked back and asked her, "Hey baby, what do you think about running upstairs and putting on your School shirt? Then we can walk around the neighborhood and see if anyone wants to buy a book from you."

And her response to me was, "YES YES YES YES!" and up she went and in record time she was back down with her elementary school shirt on and a word track..."Hi. My name is Lia, and I'm raising money for my school. Would you like to buy a book?"

We walked around for an hour and a half. Lia approached every adult she saw outside cutting his lawn or watching her kids play, and gave them her lines..."Hi. My name is Lia, and I'm raising money for my school. Would you like to buy a book from me?" She would even show them the type of coupons that were in the book, and inevitably they would ask how much it was. And she would tell them "Twenty Dollars." 

Lia received a lot of "No, Thank you's" a lot of "It's not a good time" and "I think I'm gunna pass." But she kept on going. She would even pray, "Jesus let this be the house," and up she'd go to ring the door bell. 

Every time she said her little speech my eyes would get teary, and I just kept thinking how brave she is, how amazingly adorable and sweet. Man I couldn't have been more proud of her. 

And you know what?!?!?! She sold 5 books! (mommy's made 6) It was incredible. She worked hard, and it paid off. 

My daughter inspired me yesterday. It's hard to put yourself out there and to be rejected. The easy response would have been to give up, but her belief that God was going to provide her a buyer motivated her to keep knocking, to keep walking.  

Maybe that's you. Maybe you're ready for a husband or a wife, and you keep getting "It's not a good time." Be confident that the Lord will provide for you.

Maybe you're in financial hardship; Maybe you're in a hard marriage; Maybe you're praying for a baby. 

Cry out to Jesus, and Let Him provide! 

Too Tired to Write

My eyelids are heavy
And my words are weak
And my mind is slowing
Along with my ability to speak.

The Struggle

The current of sinful nature

That flows beneath my carefully crusted life,

The molten menacing

That ever so slightly shifts

My continental holiness

Erupts.

The One

All the words welling up inside me--
My thoughts and feelings just bursting at the seams.
And everywhere I turn there's an opportunity
To chime in and pick teams.

My world has become so muddled and foggy,
Where goodness and honesty take a back seat
To selfishness, and self-preservation ,
To politics, and gender/race sensitivity.

What happened to the educated populace?
To where did all the morality flee?
When did we reach a point where babies are killed
Just so I can keep having sex with whomever I please?

Why would people rather kill themselves
Than to own up to who they really are?
And why must I choose a side
When both have everything all wrong?

Do what's good.
And choose what's right.
And be willing to sacrifice
And there are causes worth the fight
There are movements worth the leap
There are charities worth the green
There are people worth the love.

But don't ask me to set aside
The words that express my very soul
The thoughts that God imprinted in my mind
The truths that the Spirit, the world told.

Think about the mighty power held in a voice.
The world created by a single utterance
And my words too have a calling--
To be true and live-giving.

Forget the flattery
And double-sided tongue.
Give me honesty
Give me passion
Give me truth
And give me The One.