Dreams

When I was younger, I was hungry, ravenous even, for success, achievement, recognition, beauty, popularity, and wealth. I was fierce. In college, my desire for perfection met no bounds, and I would do anything (manipulate, charm, or just plain bust-my-a$$) to ensure the means of my desire.

But I got pregnant as a junior in college, and my world shattered a little. And during that time, my confidence in my ability or the confidence that my life was heading toward something special was also shattered. 

Through the years I put together my world. I worked on being a good mother. I worked on being a better wife (which if I were graded, I'd probably be put on academic probation). 

But I have yet to address my dreams or better yet--the dreams of my youth.

I let those die, simply by being satisfied with my husband working and climbing up the ladder and earning the income. 

Recently I've been confronted by people in my life. Confronted not aggressively or condescendingly, but out of curiosity. Why aren't you more? They all seem to be asking me.

And through these few weeks, I've been rekindling the dreams of my youth. Dreams to for higher education. Dreams of a future in leadership. Dreams of doing something substantial.

Now don't get me wrong, being a mom is substantial, but I know that I can be more. Being a mom is not all that I am. I know my time has come to address me.  If I don't, I doubt I'll be able to live out the rest of my life feeling fulfilled. I know I have more to give. 

Private

A life spent overcoming every obstical the world dealt. 

A person with every wrong decision under her belt 

A passion for writing every feeling she ever felt

And a wish to keep it all to herself. 

All the words that were only for me to see

All the thoughts I finally set free

All The lines and letters and history

Were stolen by you out of curiosity.