The things i say

My daughter breathes in my face:  "EwwwWww Lia... you've got dragon breath"  

--Translation: Your breath stinks.

I look at my bum in the mirror at Target: "That's terrifying... I've got goblin butt!"

--Translation: My butt is dimply and saggy and horrendous.

I attempt to eat the nastiest chicken ever cooked @ Macaroni Grill: "Ixnay on the artichokesnay"

--Translation: I don't know what I'm saying and apparently I think its called a Snartichoke.