My friend leaving me...

Feels much more painful than me leaving my friend.

Today was another step toward my home no longer feeling like home: Bueno left today, and Baton Rouge lost a bit of friendliness.

Now don't get me wrong... I still have many wonderful friends left here in BR, but all these changes seem easier to handle when it's me leaving them. A city, my life, left in tact. Suspended until I return. On pause, if you will. But today a big part of that illusion was shattered, and it has left me reeling--grasping at air frivolously trying to piece it back together. Today I feel a little lonelier.

But I know that God has big plans for me in NC. Like I'm Joshua and Lee is Caleb, and the Lord has shown us the promise land--a land of milk and honey. Now there are adversities and there are giants in the land, but if we remain faithful, the Lord has promised us eternity.

Microfiction Monday

The Picture

 The Story

(in 140 characters)

Psst.
PSST...
Look at that guy rolling on the floor
--Oh That's Gerard. He claims it helps him meditate.
Ya? Well its really ticking me off.

hosted by: Stony River

(untitled post)

It sits there.
My struggles
Panting and heaving.

Through the dusty air
I make out others like me--
Crouching or kneeling
Just trying to take it all in.
The end.
I don't think anyone thought it would be like this...

It was much harder than I anticipated.
The sides more equally matched.
I always thought we'd have the edge,
but looking around...

Everything hurts.
But my mind hurts just a little more than the rest of my body.
And the air is trembling from all the moaning and shrieking--
Some--ghosts of the hours past,
Others in fresh agony.

They are roving beneath us. 
I can feel them just under the surface.
Searching...
But my eyes are fixed on one--
Our struggles.

Arrogant.
It is arrogantly tired,
but he's waited a long time for this moment...
And his eyes skim the sky.

Some of us are up there.
They, too, are searching...

I tense my muscles
Just to see how it'll feel.
Not if, but when he makes his move,
And I've got to leap or roll or run or die.

Pride...
That was it, ya know?
It was his pride
That started it all.

Funny thing about pride--
When you suffer from it,
You're often to proud to realize.

There's only him right now.
But with a flap of his black bat wings
He projects, and then there are hundreds
Of struggles.

But I too have something to project,
And I've survived until this moment.
And just my presence can swing the balance.
I'm sure.

I can remember him.
Brightest of all.
Glorious.
The model of beautiful beings.
Pure and strong.
I'm remembering...

And the scorched earth of where I sit
has yet to be created.
The thought not yet entered the consciousness
of the Almighty.

There were only the few.
We knew each other well.

He knows me well--
All of my struggles.

Then I'm back.
And the light of truth is blazing in my eyes.
I've caught his attention.
His vision no longer fixed on the heavens,
But on me.

And slowly I stand,
The voice of God!
And brace myself for the assault,
But before it comes
I project
His song.
Always His song.

And the world stands still.
And the notes pierce through
The shaking air.
And the searching ends.
And the struggles seem...

Much easier to bear
While in the presence of His song--
of His word.

Haiku! Yes Sir!

This week's theme: Ego

Stars and spatial globes

Spin and twirl. They die and live

In His mighty hands.

Of those who deserve

lots of worship and praises--

He asks for it all.

So...

Check yourself, my dear

'fore you wreck yourself, ya hear?

Leave ya ego home!

I'm off track

My husband and I attended a service at a local church in Baton Rouge years ago--just out of a whim. We had drifted way off course in our faith, in our relationship, in our lives... and the spirit spoke to us that night  when the pastor gave his sermon, which was appropriately named The Drift. It was all about the NEED to remain conscious of where we stand. That if we become lazy, we drift away from the light of God--from the kingdom. Every day should begin with a purposeful repositioning--making sure you're heading Godward.

Well that sermon struck a cord with me even though I was too proud to admit it at the time.

Lee and I have referenced the teachings of that message constantly through the years.  But in recent months, through the stresses of this move, I hadn't noticed how far I'd drifted... Yea, I still go to church twice a week, but you would never tell from my attitude, my thoughts, and my actions.

How can I expect God to send grace down onto my life, if I'm not even making a conscious effort to live a pleasing life??? How can I expect goodness and mercy, when I'm so mean and unforgiving? This is not a God directed life.

As I sit here and type, I'm thinking of all of my sins... the ones that are obvious ie: bad attitude, quick to anger, laziness; and the ones that I keep buried down deep. But wanna know what happens when you bury something??? if you bury it and deny it nourishment, it dies. But if you're like me and you bury it in the rich soil of your constant thoughts, feed it regularly with attention, and protect it from destruction by refusing to acknowledge how harmful it is to you... it grows and becomes a tangled mess. Like a labyrinth that you've no way of knowing how to escape. It blocks your path. It blocks your vision. It blocks grace.

My future is too uncertain to further complicate it with a lack of vision. It is time that I do a reckoning. It starts today with right now!

Microfiction Monday

The Picture

The Story

(in 140 characters)

Who me?! 
Oh don't mind me!
I was just heading to the bathroom.
What jars?
Oh, these jars!
Um. Well.
See, Its actually a very funny story...

hosted by: Stony River

Stretched

I am feeling stretched to my limits. My patience. My tolerance. My comfort. All under the ultimate test!

This move to North Carolina, in my heart, feels like it is where God is pointing our family. I feel like Lee and I are Joshua and Caleb staring at the promised land--flowing with milk and honey, but of course, there are giants in the land.

What are my giants?
--Unfamiliarity
--Distance from my friends and family
--Having to rely so heavily upon lee and him having to lean just as much on me. It will definitely be a test for our relationship.

When people ask me, "Are you excited?" The one honest response I can give them is, "The ONLY thing I'm excited about is having a home again."

For the past 3 1/2 years I've been a stay at home mom and loved every second of it. What is coming up for me in NC? Lee and I have been talking about me applying for jobs full-time, and I have to admit, it's terrifying! I have my degree in English, but that is not a big money-maker, lemme just tell ya! So what else is there out there for me to do?

So many questions are laid out before me. And even my imagination is being stretched.

Well, I came to a decision last night at 9:30PM when Lee and I finally made it on the road back to New Orleans from Baton Rouge....

I'm going to search for the kingdom. I'm going to pursue only the grace of God, and in my search for Him, I am confident that everything else will fall into place. (Well to be honest--confident is a strong word considering how insecure I am about it all. But, hey! Gotta fake it till you make it, right!!?!??!?)

Shape

Its all the heavy breathing;
The up and down,
The tense muscles,
The need to stop,
But the want to continue
That has my mind going
In every direction.

[Argh! Exercise....
This is what I get for getting so dang
Out of Shape!]

Make yourself at home

Hospitality can be a very simple thing if given the chance. At its very basic implementation one simply surrenders his or her own comfort for the comfort of others. Allowing the house be a few degrees colder than one is used to can be uncomfortable but it's all in the attitude... One can grit his teeth, anxious for these people to leave, while stressing about the energy bill; OR one could give with joy--singleminded toward making his guest at home.

Have you ever felt unwelcome? Ever felt like you were putting someone out? It's a horrible feeling! Just yearning for the day when you can be back in the comfort of your home. While we all probably prefer to be in our own homes, it's disgusting to have an oppresive host, who although may give generously, gives without joy, and trust me your guest can tell!

"Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Cor 9:7

I'm in no-man's land

Wondering where I've been?
The answer to that is: everywhere and nowhere.
We had the most awful experience moving out of our home. It was unorganized, dysfunctional, and extremely emotionally draining.
So after we finally moved everything out on Tuesday, we relocated to my friend's apartment. Where we'll stay until the end of the week. We will decide where to go after that...

Why so unsettled? Because our original temporary home did not allow our cat to come. So  we would either have to pay hundreds of dollars to have him boarded for a month.... hundreds of dollars that our family does NOT HAVE or live all over.

Needless to say this has been the most difficult thing I have ever gone through!

But we're getting through it by the grace of God and the goodness of our friends.

JM