Love thine enemy (retry)

It might as well say, "Gouge thine eyes" how difficult I find its concept and its application.

There are some common enemies that are easy to say we hate or are trying to "love" the evil right out of--corrupt politicians and world leaders, mass murderers, serial killers, child abusers, the list goes on...

But what about those enemies in our personal lives? That individual whom just the thought of makes your blood boil. Whom you imagine arguing with and winning! or think of a witty comeback 3 days too late! "Man I wish I would have told him this.....!@#$%"

In all reality that person may not be as bad as the late Osama Bin Laden, but the emotion toward him or her is 10x what you feel for some evil stranger.

What am I getting at??!?!

Hmmm

I guess my point is it's easy to say you love your enemies, when you don't have to run into them at the family get together every Sunday or have to hang out with him or her because you have the same friends.

But putting that type of love into practice is much more difficult, and I'm only now accepting this lesson into my life.

For a long time, if you were my 'enemy,' I would simply cut you out of my life. But recently I've started reaching out to those people--trying to integrate them into my life once again. Or just trying to get along. Attempting to find redeeming qualities, in what I usually see is a sea of distasteful ones.

Sometimes I feel so fake because it is as if I'm feigning fondness that isn't there, but like I always say, "You gotta fake it, till you make it." And I'm confident that if I keep trying, I'm going to love my enemy into friendship.

As you could probably tell...

From my most depressing late night poem that this new year did not induce happy, excited feelings from me at all. I was reading my facebook, watching tv, and noticing everyone is so excited for the year to come, for the celebration at midnight.

I. was. not.

The Peter Pan in me kept repeating "you're getting old." "you're gunna die one day, and it's fast approaching." "your little girls are growing up..."

And man lemme tell ya, I was getting pretty depressed.

But days have passed, and life went on as usual. And without the huge celebration of passing time, I'm feeling more myself.

I suppose it might stem from this incessant feeling that I've not done all that I was capable of accomplishing. That there could have been more to me and more to my life than what I have.

** And inevitably someone will point out everything wonderful and good and say that I must be grateful. And I am grateful, but is it so bad to be honest and admit that it isn't enough?