The Time I Caught the Sun

blame-it-on-the-moon-Painting of Angels-Nik Helbig

I came across a bird resting from flight.
Her tiny chest fluttering with the restlessness
That comes only from having had the Wind
As a companion for most of one's life.

"Come to me little one," I said to the Bird,
"Come little bird and help me catch the Sun."

"I caught the Sun once," She said to me.
"But she cried large golden tears, and I let her go."

I then walked upon a cat lounging in dappled light.
Its strong, lean paws crossed below his head
That was held high and alert--
Curious of my scent and suspicious of my intentions.

"Come to me swift one," I said to the Cat.
"Come to me and help me catch the Sun."

"I chased the Sun once," He said to me.
"But she wailed so loudly that I stopped my pursuit."

My search went on and on, but no one would help me.
So, I chased and caught the Sun on my own.
And she cried her big, hot tears.
And she wailed her sad, desperate sobs.

But I never did let Her go.
And the World all around grew dark.
And the Day turned to endless night.
And the Sky became sad and empty.

Not for me, though.
I kept the Sun close by.
And I never did feel cold again
or Dark or Small or Weak.

But the Sun never spoke,
And no one ever came close.
And  I never did feel love again
or Mercy or Hope or Peace.

Retaliation

I told you that I hate it
So you chose to love it more.
I told you that I wanted peace
So you prepared for war.
I told you that I couldn't stand
Your helplessness galore
So you responded with more of the same,
And I can't take it anymore.

Rebuke

Like tiny little demons
Clutching at my soul,
Like evil hungry spirits
Reaching out for more,
Like angry lustful tempters
Preparing themselves for war,
I am flailing through my life--
Wondering how to free my world
From these urges and constant tremblings,
From these ugly spirits's assemblings,
From this dark and hateful menacing
So I can start to be a blessing.
I yearn to be transformed
To rebuke all that has scorned
And polluted and has torn
The narrow pathway to the Lord.
So I can be a light
And not a darkness and a blight
So I can be mansion
Built on granite
So I can be a blueprint
And on me you can plan it.
And be proud to be my friend
And be glad the time we spend
With great faith, and hope and Love
Until we reach the very end.

quotes of late--The Lia edition.

Lia: "Actually he said, 'I wish I were older." Which means old.eeeeerrrrrr"

Lia while we're driving in the car listening to music: "This woman on the radio sings good."
Me: "Yes she does!"
Lia: "You sing good too. When are they going to put you on the radio?"

Me: "I can't believe the flowers grew back!"
Lia: "I think Jesus is great!"
Lia: "at growing flowers"

I suppose all I needed was...

A little self-reflection.

Soon after writing my last post, admitting my complete failure at devoting myself to Christ as I had planned to do this Lent, I picked up my bible--something I haven't done in months.

This bible is tattered and torn, highlighted, underlined, creased, and thoroughly thumbed through all in my quest for salvation and understanding. Yet its disuse was evident, perhaps not by an outsider, but completely apparent in my heart and attitude. I opened it up for the first time in such an incredibly long time and flipped through the pages; bright yellow, green and pink catching my eye as the pages quickly flipped back and forth--highlights of favorite passages that had gotten me through the toughest times in my  life.

I felt like I was rekindling a relationship with a friend long lost. I felt shame and guilt. I felt excitement--you know that kind of excitement when you suddenly remember a story about a friend you once had.

And then the truth hit me. I had replaced my bible with other novels. I had replaced the time I spent reading my bible with reading romances, fantasies, histories, biographies and anything else I could get my  hand on.

See I know in my heart that God doesn't want me to stop reading books and building my library. He gave me a passion for reading and learning for a reason. But what I also know is that I cannot allow those other passions to replace my God in my life. He is my first love, and I must always remember to make Him first in my life.

So I've started a bible study to take me through the rest of Lent. We're reading through Matthew, and I've decided to double up my reading until I've caught up.  I know, I know... it's not good to take on too much, and I agree that I don't want to get burned out, but I also know that I NEED to follow through with at least one commitment.

Finally, my friends, I ask for your prayers and encouragement.

Ps 118:24
 This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

My Lenten Failure

Lent is one of my favorite times of the year. For those of you who don't know what Lent is, it is the 40 days leading up to Easter.  It's an amazing time because during the Church calendar, this is a very purposeful time. Traditionally people choose to give up something for Lent, like chocolate or soda, for the duration of the 40 days. But there's a new trend to DO something extra for Lent, like extra prayer or service.

I always enter Lent with a goal. One year I'll give up fast food; another, I'll give up all fried food (being from Louisiana, this is VERY difficult), but this year I wanted my Lenten promise to transform me. I wanted to pray and meditate more. I wanted to fast. I wanted to be born again after 40 days of conscientious recommitment to the Lord.

But I feel that this year I have truly failed. I entered Lent feeling empty and now 2 weeks in, I'm still empty.  I've not read my bible. I've barely fasted, and always in the back of my head I'm thinking, "tomorrow I'm going to start." Then tomorrow comes, and I'm distracted with unpacking my house, and cleaning my apartment, and getting over my cold, and planning a baby shower, and worrying about my various church commitments and all the while, I'm running on E.

I'm ready to be on fire again for the Lord. I'm constantly reminded of the early church. The church in Acts and beyond. The people, those green Christians, that transformed the world. Jesus transformed them, but then they through love, generosity, grace, mercy, evangelism, and passion started time over again. The world stopped and began again. A new age. The A.D. era.

Imagine if all Christians today had that same fire for Christ. What kind of era would we usher in?

I need that fire.