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I live a mere hour and a half from my hometown... less than 2 hours to venture to the house that I spent 21 years living in. 

Why does it take such a push to get me to go? Why does it feel like I'm uprooting my life by just going down the road for a couple of hours. 

I need to lighten up. Just enjoy the drive. Enjoy technology... Enjoy the rain... Enjoy my perfect daughter....

I need to start enjoying more. So since i'll be away to NOLA for a few days here's this awesome clip....

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOzNrO54xsY <<<------totally worth clicking

Guilt

Is keeping me up tonight.

Ever say something, you had no business saying? Ever repeat someone else's business when it wasn't your place? My goodness do I have no freaking self control?

My 3 year old is in her second year of preschool and from the start it has been a bumpy road.
-connecting with the teacher
-feeling comfortable with the extremely regimented schedule
-doubting the effectiveness of the classroom environment

and at some point several of the mothers have voiced concerns about either the school, teacher, or their own child.

Who the hell am I to repeat someone else's concerns? I should be worrying about MY concerns, MY insecurities and doubts... I should be a supportive and trustworthy friend whom you should be able to entrust with your feelings and doubts. Do I have no self control that I feel the need to voice my opinion about everything? Am I that wise that I need to chime in on someone else's hardships?

The answer to those questions is: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Its disgusting. Even though I was speaking to one of my best friends and am able to confide in her wholly and thoroughly, it still left a bad taste in my mouth. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, but not all opinions are positive or encouraging or understanding.

And while I consider myself to be a supportive friend, it is also really difficult for me to hold my tongue when I think you're wrong. I always feel compelled to let you know that I think you're wrong. But that shouldn't be my place. As a friend I should support you when your wrong, celebrate with you in times of joy, mourn with you in times of sorrow, pray with you in times of hardship, and because of the love I have for you I should never voice any of those events to someone it does not concern.

This berating on my peace is my conscience lashing out--Teaching me a lesson to respect and put into practice the qualities of a good friend. I will take this and learn from it. I will be more thoughtful of my words and feelings--immediately putting in check any feelings or opinions that are not positive or helpful. I should be a fountain of living waters not a pit of self-gratifying opinions.
Amen

These Dark Seas

My small boat sways acutely on the dark blue seas. Tumbling the marbles of uneasiness within my unsettled stomach.  The winds are warm but bitter and smart the skin on my face. There is no light but that which dimly blinks from ages above-- just ancient light sifting its way through the hazy world onto these inky waters.  My throat is dry and feels swollen almost shut.  Swallowing is terrifying. My sticky wind pipe threatening to adhere to itself in one last rebellious stand against this oppressive, moribund shell I call a body-- closing air from my raw lungs forever. All the while, my small boat rocks. Drifting steadily toward an unknown target. Undulating me toward an unknown threat. How many more can I endure?

Delve

I betcha it feels like home

I betcha it will feel like home,
But the most unexpected kind of homecoming--
Considering you've never been there before.
It has only seized your mind.
It has only crept behind your lids at night--
Forcing you to dream never-before-seen places

And uncomfortably familiar faces.
Given the chance,
I'm sure you will take it.
The chance to jump ship
And sail away,
More like back away
Toward the unknown region.

Random Post Redux

Visit Kel and participate in Random Post Redux!

This is one of my many, ridiculous, and pointless One Act/One Scene plays... This one's from May of 2006 called Sad but Funny:

[There is a split stage; the two characters cannot see each other; Stage Right: Jillien sitting in her car talking to Lee who is on Stage Left: Sitting in his cube at work. They are on the phone with one another]

Jillien: [excitedly] Lee, guess what i did today that i haven't done in a REALLY long time, that it was starting to get disgusting. I'll give you three guesses.

Lee: Uhh I dont know.. you finally shaved your legs?

Jillien: [disappointed and amused at the same time] No i washed some clothes.

The End

Sunday Citar

"Do I dare disturb the universe?"
--Jerry Renault, The Chocolate War

Ever wonder if you only behaved the way you do because of an internal fear to mess up the norm, fear to rebel against the in crowd--against the drones? 

I do.  I always have impulses that seem to want to push me toward the "not so acceptable."  I've always been that way, and I suppose that is what made me into such a weirdo growing up. Don't get me wrong... I'm able to fit in at times, but with the forever present coating of strangeness mixed in.

my daughter's bubble party

I had a bazillion activities ready for this bubble party, but the 3 year old attendees were quite satisfied with the run around and make a mess activity.... So we kind of just left it at that! Lia had a blast, and that's what counts!

When someone looks to you for guidance or wisdom, that is a huge responsibility.

 It adds pressure when one has to be inspirational on the spot... 

Doncha think?

The music that filled my home.

My grandmother was my stay-at-home-mom. 

FOr most of my childhood I didn't know that she was 

actually NOT my mom.  Every night she would play 

music to help me go to sleep...These are some of 

my favorites from my childhood.

And quoth my husband, "nevermore."

Lee: "Why does she have to be so cheap? It just ruins it."

Lee: "All you ever do is talk about how you used to dance salsa with Dennis. You do NOTHING ELSE."

Lee: "They have fishes that put birds on their heads just to be cool."

This is why I love my old man.

JM

Inspire Me

"When you work, you work. When you pray, God works"

"When you pray you move the hands that move the world"

Where are all the men?

Do people rear chivalrous young men anymore?

Is that a quality deemed necessary in today's society? 

Women at an all time high in empowerment now-a-days. Do we still need gentlemen? 

.... i think so. 

I have a theory that chivalry is more common in some regions than others. But its a shame when a lady feels like she just lucked out when someone holds the door open for her when her arms are full, and she doesn't have to do that "pull with pinky finger, stick your foot in, kick it back, hold it open with your knee and squeeze on through" maneuver. 

The other day I had my daughter in my arms along with a few grocery bags and this guy runs over and offers to put my basket up for me. No he wasn't a worker there-- just a random gentlemen who saw a damsel in distress. Praise God for that gentleman. 

On the flip: Lia and I were holding hands about to enter a frozen yogurt shop.  A young couple were 2 feet in front of us. The young man opens the door, they walk through, and the door LITERALLY closes in our faces.  Sad.

I have to admit that in my city it  is rare that you aren't answered with a Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am... I'm 24 and I get yes ma'ams.  But the men here are lacking. 

Lacking in some good upbringing.