l Let Go (Reprise)

I have finally let go.
I feel the feeling fleeting
Into nothingness.

Thank God,
I've finally moved on
From the only thing holding me back.

I have finally let go,
And you will notice the change.
You will see that my name
has warped again.

How Tortured Are You?

How tortured are you?
In an infinite megabyte world...
In a sea of 1's and 0's;
In an abyss of fleeting strangers.

How tortured are you?
Melting in a pot of digital waves,
Fading in the vast nothing,
Searching in a world controlled by computer chips.

How tortured are you?
To have no family or friends
To touch or to know
To hold or to show your face to late at night.

How tortured are you?
Now that you know
That you are not alone
You are not alone.

Oh yeah

So I finally graduated. Its seems like i've lost the best form of entertainment I could have ever ask for. I was the type of student that never skipped class. I actually LOVED going to class b/c that was the only time I would learn anything. I'm not the type to go home and diligently read my book and do my homework. Like I've said before: I'm lazy. Nonetheless, I have this kind of memory where if I hear it I remember it. So if i never go to class; i'd never learn anything... Well now its over and there are no brilliant people analyzing poetry for me or explaining the theories of theology and philosophy. No one asking me the tough questions. No one challenging me. I think its time for graduate school. I'm sure they'll bust my balls there. I'll be begging to be a graduate again. Maybe by the time i finish grad school, I'll be so full of knowledge that i will feel content and satisfied. I just need to be accepted. Thats the hard part...

Bootie Dimples

How is it possible for such a skinny person to be so dimply fat!?! Its insane. I'm not good at working out, but I should be... I just don't have the energy. I wonder when I became so lazy and disinterested. i used to be fierce. I even notice that with Lia. She is soo hyper, and I don't have the patience or energy to keep up and i'm only freking 22 years old!!! I feel like an old lady and sometimes I look like an old lady it seems.

Ode to Nora Jones...lol

I, too, yearn for yesterday,
As sweet, soft, amber, airy somethings fill the air.
With eyes closed my heaviness fades away,
And my everything with you I'd love to share.

With eyes open I barely know what to feel,
But somehow you're voice gives me a place to rest.
Slowly my confused wounds begin to heal,
And my heart beats more gently in my chest.

I, too, yearn for yesterday
To a time when my happiness was my only care,
But don't dwell in the past-- they often say;
I admit that never again will I be there.

Whoa

Its been a while.

I've been so busy with school its ridiculous. I'm the editor this semester again for the newspaper and we were having some big problems. I almost hyperventilated and died in the office when I saw the finished copy because of all the mistakes. It was incredible. Anyways I have been asked to blog for the new blog for OLHCC. School related stuff. So if you wanna double dose of blogging its at www.getserious.wordpress.com
Anyways there we go. I'm tired of words. Maybe after I graduate I'll be able to devote myself to writing more. I look forward to being graduated.

One Act/ One Scene Play

[Scene: A wife in the kitchen. Her husband sitting in the living room watching tv. The rooms are set up so that one may see from the kitchen to the living room and from the living room to the kitchen.]

Husband: I'm hungry. what we got to eat?
WIfe: There's a pizza in the freezer. Go fix it
Husband: Alright

[ Husband walks over to the freezer and takes out the pizza.]

Husband: Bay, how long does it take for the oven to heat up?
Wife: I don't know about 7 minutes, I guess.

[Husband turns on the oven, places the pizza in it immediately, and sets the timer]

wife: What did you do? Just set the time for 7 minutes extra?
Husband: Yea

[After a few minutes the wife goes over to the oven. There are 7 minutes left on the timer. She opens up the oven door and a big puff of smoke comes out of the oven. she closes the door quickly. she walks back to the living room and sits with her husband on the couch. A few minutes pass when the husband speaks again.]

Husband: Wow it smells like the pizza is burning.
Wife: Yeah it does, and when I walked over there and opened the door a big puff of smoke came out.
Husband: What!

[He runs to the oven and opens the door. An even larger puff of smoke comes out of the oven]

Husband: What the hell?! Why didn't you take the pizza out when you saw all the smoke.
Wife: Well the timer still had 7 minutes left.

The End.

Who dat?

ok i was impressed with the tigers all season until yesterday and now i don't even want to hear the words LSU Tigers. then i was depressed with the (s)Aints all season and now its looking like we're going to pull through.

I'm such a flakey fan!

fleeting emotions

People lurking in the past
Things I've started left undone
and when i think of 'will it last'
i look back to what will come.

left without a fair goodbye
what do they all think of me
and though i block you from my mind
I think sometimes of what could be.

Its only right that you should know
That bed I made is sinking low
and though i do not deserve the thought
I wish that you would leave me not

a long past passing in my brain
is caught not easily by my hand
but i hopelessly attempt to gain
a glimpse of what I once had

Racists

why doesn't someone just come out and say it.. That freking rev. al sharpton is a freking racist. I'm tired of people just standing behind a race! Stand behind values, stand being morality, but why stand behind race?!? Practice some color blindness: so the next time a black prostitute LIES that she was raped we look at the facts and not the race. So the next time a white kid is beaten unconscious we look at the facts and not the race. Its sooooo disgusting.

Am I the only one that doesnt get it?

6 guys beat one guy unconscious, how is it an injustice that criminal charges are brought up against the group? Is it because prior incidents were not brought into the justice system? Thats what all the petitions should be about. Equal discipline, but definitely not about the appropriate discipline brought towards a violent mob.

I am supported financially.

My husband works hard to provide.

My husband does what he feels is enough.

He sacrifices.

Question?

if God knows everything... including your future and what you are about to do, then how can there be free will? If God is omniscient then nothing can exist out of his consciousness. I mean think about it. how can you make a decision that God doesn't know about? and then he'll be like "wow that really Surprised me"

No way. It just doesn't make sense. The only way one can truly have free will is if God's knowledge only exists in the present tense. He can assume what you will do. Because if he does know your future than every step you take or butt you scratch has already been decided upon by Him.

Does that make sense at all?

I watched that movie "Legends of the Fall'

It was the best movie ever made and the saddest. I literally cried for 2 hours afterwards. and the movie itself was like 3 hours long. So thats a total of 5 hours of my life spent on overwhelming sad emotion haha. Nonetheless it rocked.

Sometimes i wish i were like Brad Pitt's character. Free and wild. Able to let go and melt into the environment. You live in an equilibrium with nature and 'God' and his fury and his mercy, his nature and his absense.

Its kind of like the humanism. They treasure humans as simply an animal. No sins or repressed desires, just basic animal instincts::: go for it.

Emotions

I swing from place to place
with no more attention
from slavery to space.

A fire thats squelched
in time will repeat
and love that was hot
is too great a feat.

Nothing will go my way
today.
I hold on to happiness'
wings and pray.

Harder and harder to laugh
its seems.
and now all colorless
even in dreams.

why do i do the things i do

I am a condradictory person. My husband has told me so and i notice it as well.

for example:

Joe: I LOVE that movie
Jillien: Really? i didnt like it all that much.

there is no need for me to say that and in fact it could hurt someones feelings or rub someone the wrong way and YET i cannot help it. I need to really start thinking before i speak. I guess because i like conflict. I like trying to convice people of things and i rarely get offended by anything. That i forget to put the filter on my mouth.

If i have done this to anyone i apologize. i truly dont mean anything by it except that i didnt like that movie or that song annoys me. I dont know why everyone has to agree, but i can see how it can be obnoxious.

I need to stop.

From this point forward i will think before i speak. {or at least try to}

Bryan the Beautiful vs The Infamous

so i have this horrible habit of getting angry at  people for doing something that i might do all the time. Like for example, I'm the worst person to stay in touch with because i make very little effort to stay in touch with you.  Not that i dont love you but its just hard for me. [dont know why] But if you put in as little effort as i do, I get pissed!?!? i know. i'm crazy. Well this recently happened with my friend bryan.

I brought out an old saying of his and i told him 'good bye forever'  Because he wasnt talkin to me just like i wasnt talking to him. Whats that about.\?! and we've always been cool. Since highschool. and now he's working with nasa, going to a&m and has so many things on his plate

AND I have a baby and a house and a family and so many thigns on my plate.

But the truth is is that i miss him. I miss having friends. I miss seeing the ones i care about. I miss being able to play pool in the middle of the night.  

Thats all

sometimes it gets tough

recently lee and i had a bad arguement. i mean everyone fights right? i'm at home all day alone with no friends or family. he's at work for 12 h ours a day and doesnt get a moment to himself barely. what are we to do?

lee was beginning to just get so aggravated with me. and i can understand that. i have a tendency to think that there isnt anything wrong with me and if you dont like it well TOUGH SHIT. but thats not the way a good person should be. i person should be able to look at his or her faults and realize those are things she MUST work on. and NOONE has to get used to that.

I am learning so much about myself through lee. He's wonderful and faulty. Just Like Me.

its been a while but here is my latest one act one scene play

[Lee and Jillien are sitting on the bed conversing while their baby girl sleeps. Jillien begins doing an impression of lee making a funny noise when he hurt himself]

Jillien: maaaaaaaaaooooooohhhhhhhhh oow oow ow
MMMMMMaaaaaaaaAoooooWWW ow oooow ow
[lee and jillien start to laugh]
Lee: you sound like a machine
Jillien: what kind of machine??

Lee: a retard machine