Who dat?

ok i was impressed with the tigers all season until yesterday and now i don't even want to hear the words LSU Tigers. then i was depressed with the (s)Aints all season and now its looking like we're going to pull through.

I'm such a flakey fan!

fleeting emotions

People lurking in the past
Things I've started left undone
and when i think of 'will it last'
i look back to what will come.

left without a fair goodbye
what do they all think of me
and though i block you from my mind
I think sometimes of what could be.

Its only right that you should know
That bed I made is sinking low
and though i do not deserve the thought
I wish that you would leave me not

a long past passing in my brain
is caught not easily by my hand
but i hopelessly attempt to gain
a glimpse of what I once had

Racists

why doesn't someone just come out and say it.. That freking rev. al sharpton is a freking racist. I'm tired of people just standing behind a race! Stand behind values, stand being morality, but why stand behind race?!? Practice some color blindness: so the next time a black prostitute LIES that she was raped we look at the facts and not the race. So the next time a white kid is beaten unconscious we look at the facts and not the race. Its sooooo disgusting.

Am I the only one that doesnt get it?

6 guys beat one guy unconscious, how is it an injustice that criminal charges are brought up against the group? Is it because prior incidents were not brought into the justice system? Thats what all the petitions should be about. Equal discipline, but definitely not about the appropriate discipline brought towards a violent mob.

I am supported financially.

My husband works hard to provide.

My husband does what he feels is enough.

He sacrifices.

Question?

if God knows everything... including your future and what you are about to do, then how can there be free will? If God is omniscient then nothing can exist out of his consciousness. I mean think about it. how can you make a decision that God doesn't know about? and then he'll be like "wow that really Surprised me"

No way. It just doesn't make sense. The only way one can truly have free will is if God's knowledge only exists in the present tense. He can assume what you will do. Because if he does know your future than every step you take or butt you scratch has already been decided upon by Him.

Does that make sense at all?

I watched that movie "Legends of the Fall'

It was the best movie ever made and the saddest. I literally cried for 2 hours afterwards. and the movie itself was like 3 hours long. So thats a total of 5 hours of my life spent on overwhelming sad emotion haha. Nonetheless it rocked.

Sometimes i wish i were like Brad Pitt's character. Free and wild. Able to let go and melt into the environment. You live in an equilibrium with nature and 'God' and his fury and his mercy, his nature and his absense.

Its kind of like the humanism. They treasure humans as simply an animal. No sins or repressed desires, just basic animal instincts::: go for it.

Emotions

I swing from place to place
with no more attention
from slavery to space.

A fire thats squelched
in time will repeat
and love that was hot
is too great a feat.

Nothing will go my way
today.
I hold on to happiness'
wings and pray.

Harder and harder to laugh
its seems.
and now all colorless
even in dreams.

why do i do the things i do

I am a condradictory person. My husband has told me so and i notice it as well.

for example:

Joe: I LOVE that movie
Jillien: Really? i didnt like it all that much.

there is no need for me to say that and in fact it could hurt someones feelings or rub someone the wrong way and YET i cannot help it. I need to really start thinking before i speak. I guess because i like conflict. I like trying to convice people of things and i rarely get offended by anything. That i forget to put the filter on my mouth.

If i have done this to anyone i apologize. i truly dont mean anything by it except that i didnt like that movie or that song annoys me. I dont know why everyone has to agree, but i can see how it can be obnoxious.

I need to stop.

From this point forward i will think before i speak. {or at least try to}

Bryan the Beautiful vs The Infamous

so i have this horrible habit of getting angry at  people for doing something that i might do all the time. Like for example, I'm the worst person to stay in touch with because i make very little effort to stay in touch with you.  Not that i dont love you but its just hard for me. [dont know why] But if you put in as little effort as i do, I get pissed!?!? i know. i'm crazy. Well this recently happened with my friend bryan.

I brought out an old saying of his and i told him 'good bye forever'  Because he wasnt talkin to me just like i wasnt talking to him. Whats that about.\?! and we've always been cool. Since highschool. and now he's working with nasa, going to a&m and has so many things on his plate

AND I have a baby and a house and a family and so many thigns on my plate.

But the truth is is that i miss him. I miss having friends. I miss seeing the ones i care about. I miss being able to play pool in the middle of the night.  

Thats all

sometimes it gets tough

recently lee and i had a bad arguement. i mean everyone fights right? i'm at home all day alone with no friends or family. he's at work for 12 h ours a day and doesnt get a moment to himself barely. what are we to do?

lee was beginning to just get so aggravated with me. and i can understand that. i have a tendency to think that there isnt anything wrong with me and if you dont like it well TOUGH SHIT. but thats not the way a good person should be. i person should be able to look at his or her faults and realize those are things she MUST work on. and NOONE has to get used to that.

I am learning so much about myself through lee. He's wonderful and faulty. Just Like Me.

its been a while but here is my latest one act one scene play

[Lee and Jillien are sitting on the bed conversing while their baby girl sleeps. Jillien begins doing an impression of lee making a funny noise when he hurt himself]

Jillien: maaaaaaaaaooooooohhhhhhhhh oow oow ow
MMMMMMaaaaaaaaAoooooWWW ow oooow ow
[lee and jillien start to laugh]
Lee: you sound like a machine
Jillien: what kind of machine??

Lee: a retard machine

What an amazing Christmas

So my little girl racked in the big presents. She got such a huge amount of gifts. She's so adorable and sooo Loved. Its wonderful. Gosh this was a good and crazy year. So many ups and downs. I mean really low downs and incredibly high ups.

My life is happy and complete, but i do miss playing pool and dancing and living in new orleans. I miss being able to just get up and go. Now it takes me an eternity to leave the house because i have to get the baby ready.

Its so strange how things work out. My baby has been alive for 10 weeks. Can you imagine only 2 months and half of living and breathing out in the world? Everything is so new. So much development. Every second that goes by is another second that she has gained in just everyday activities: breathing, blinking, smelling, touching. Can you imagine the air being new to you? the color pink being new to you? She won't remember it. But i will always remember her faces when you dance around her face with a colorful toy. Or the new sounds she makes and then she kicks her legs in excitement over hearing herself make noise. Its amazing.

me& lia

 

Ina Garten You Bitch

So now i'm addicted to watching tv and especially the food network.

I saw the holiday cookie special and was just hypnotized by a recipe
of Rugelach that the Barefoot
Contessa was making. I decide [being the culinary genius that i am]
that i can handle that shit.

I get all the ingredients which were close to a million dollars at wal-mart.
I get all of the supplies which cost close to fifty dollars at target and
I get to working

It takes me the whole freaking day@@!#$!Q#$!%!

i finished the damn cookies at 11 o'clock at night. I was exhausted.
I actually didnt taste them
until this morning.

BUT THEY ARE DELICIOUS.

soo i guess it was worth it.

I've decided because im broke for the holidays that i cannot afford
to buy anyone any presents.Instead they will receive these million
dollar 24 hours taking COOKIES.


Merry Christmas!

wow almost a month since i've last blogged. What can i say, i'm really busy now hehee

life with the baby is amazing. She is clingy and needy and i love every minute of it. 

i'm getting so nasty fat. its amazing guys.

I can't even think of any thing to type because there is just so much that has happened, but o well. 
will just have to settle for my cookie story. 

What an amazing life i live

Its crazy and cliche and whatever else, but it is SO wonderful being a mom. You never think you can be soooo in love. you wonder how God could have pulled it off.Sometimes i wonder if Lia knows how irresistable she is to me, whenever she's doing all her cute faces and crying and kicking.She is so amazing. And she KNOWS exactly who i am. She knows that she's going to get fed when i come around or when she hears my voice. its honestly the most rewarding thing in the world. She is the reason that i love. She is my life. I am sooo lucky to have such a beautiful girl

wow so its been an eternity since i've blogged...

and this little hunny bunches of oats is the reason why.

Lilia Whitbeck was born on the 16th of october and weighed in at 6 pounds 10.7 ounces and a height of 21 inches long.


I went into labor on that sunday around midnight and had her on monday at 11 in the morning. It was tremendous pain. I went to the hospital dying of pain and contractions, and being past due my due date you would thing they would take action, but NO.

they sent my ass home. 4 hours later in dying and shaking of pain and then it seemed a medical emergency. Nonetheless i got my epidural and she came out so easily the entire staff was impressed. this is the most adorable beautiful well behaved angel on the face of the planet and she is all mine.

its so strange loving her so much; when before she was born i was filled with uncertainty about my feelings towards her and now i can't imagine being happy without her.

she has her own blogger and you can check out a lot more pics of her on there:

http://www.liawhitbeck.blogspot.com

Lee: Where's my purse?

Jillien: I think its in my wallet.

i'm starting to think that my body needs a break. i've been on overdrive since my pregnancy began; i just never wanted to let it get the better of me... i never wanted people to think that i was fragile or weak. but today i feel ill. i'm tired and sleepy and stuffy and sneezy and i want to go to sleep but the funny thing is is that now that i want to wind down my life has been turned on to warp speed. i always have a lot to do; a lot to cook; a lot to clean; a lot to fold; a lot to drive. i wish that i could just be in my bed comfortable with Lola and Lee and do nothing the whole day. I wish i didnt have to clean dishes or read about proper bottle cleaning. I kind of just want to press pause.