Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Playing the fool to catch the Wise

i need to learn that i don't have to be the best. just recently i had a talk with one of my teachers about always getting a's. and she basically hit the nail on the head. she said that getting a's was more of a competitive thing than an achievment. it means i'm better than you. and she was competely right. that is the exact reason i want A's. i want to be the best the smartest. i want to be number one. but that was always instilled in me. since i was a child i had to be an A. always! and if i were a "B" there came disappointment and resentment. and then that rubbed off on me. i hold that pressure within myself now. its horrible and i want to let it go. i want to just be satisfied. but then again if i lose my need for greatness will i then become mediocre. Because that is worse than death in my opinion. being nothing special, average, hmmm. am i wrong about this. [ i know i am]

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