My mother in Law

Has come to visit and stay during my "critical period." My due date is the 31st, and she'll be here until the 4th to help us with my eldest, if we have to rush to the hospital in the middle of the night or stay extendedly.  I don't know about you, but it's always been difficult for me to have a guest stay over because I feel like I need to keep up appearances, keep a cleaner house, maintain a stocked fridge and pantry, etc....
And it is on this last point that I wish to settle.

don't judge the obvious
 disorganization and overall
lack of cleanliness of my
pantry, s'il vous plait.

She has gone shopping. Grocery shopping. And purchased almost every single item that never fits into our budget. She literally shopped right off of our grocery wish list. Things like cream cheese, crackers, salsa con queso, frozen chicken nuggets, and much much more.

My friends all made fun of me a few months back because I was explaining how my husband wanted a box of crackers, which I did not buy because it wasn't in my budget. (almost all snack food, fruit juices, ready made breakfast items are out of the budget really) Then they all started trying to guess what kind of crackers it was.... Cheezit (sp?), ritz, pita, all these other fancy crackers, and I'm like, "No, saltines."

They thought I was ridiculous!! Surely I could squeeze in a box of saltine crackers!?! Wellllll I ended up feeling bad and going out to get my husband a box of saltines, and he was eternally grateful. It actually felt so good to have gotten him the saltines that I've become a little more lax with my shopping list and have allowed some goodies in there too (but definitely not at the expense of the toothpaste or something more important.)


But now I need not worry because my mother-in-law has purchased the coveted saltines, along with so many other things that I can't even express how grateful I am for her generosity. I'm sure to others a tub of store-brand strawberry cream cheese is no big deal, but to us it's like ambrosia because of how rare it is to find in our home.

Her visit has proven to be long overdue. Lia is overjoyed! She is quite honestly bouncing off the walls. My husband is thrilled to be with his mother, and I'm grateful and appreciative of her presence and the joy she is bringing to my family.

I was there too

Child,
I was there,
Behind the lens.
Although you can't see me,
I saw all there was to see,
Capturing all I could,
From behind the lens.
And now that you're grown
And memories are fading
And time is flying
And life is waiting--for no one,
I remember it all, my child.
I snapped it into eternity
Using that lens.
So in the years to come
When you're trying to relive
Some precious memories
By looking at these
Remember I was there too.

Delve

If I hear someone tell me I'm nesting, one more time....

I'm gunna go off (inside my head), but on the outside I'll just chuckle and say, "Yeah I suppose."

But lemme just tell you that it ticks me off.

If you were having a guest over to your home, would you not clean? If you were having someone move in, would you not have to move things around to make room? Why when I've got another human moving in with me for at least 18 years by means of birthing her are my cleaning and rearranging attributed to this irrational, hormone-induced hysteria known as "nesting?"

Any other time I single-mindedly clean and organize, others attribute it to a  normal "spring cleaning" mentality. Have a baby in your belly and people tilt their heads to the side, give you this all-knowing smile, and smartly comment on your nesting...

**Now after rereading this rant, I suppose I am a little hormonal and hysterical...Time for this baby to come! Then maybe I'll go  back to normal.***

Quotes of Late

Lee: There was definitely something wrong with that meat! You should have brought it back. It was probably some sort of hormone-injected, chemical cow!

Lia [after a play date at her friend's house]: That's why I didn't do it, when she said  let's put the chairs in the bathtub...
--I had to start paying closer attention to watch she was talking about, after I heard that!

OBGYN: "Your mom's got some skinny ankles."

My kid watches too much TV

When Lia was born, every second was its own precious moment. Each tick of the clock memorable and priceless. The time FLEW, and the weeks and months would pass in a flash, leaving me grasping at the fleeing coattails of time.

Five and a half years later, I all too often allow my kid to watch hours of television, while I clean and sit and check facebook and whatever other unproductive, un-impactful activity I can find to occupy my time other than staring at her beautiful face trying to remember every single line and freckle. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if I'll remember this moment. Will I remember this little song she made up? Will I remember this funny little dance she's doing, and I try desperately to imprint it on my soul so that it becomes a part of who I am. So the next time I laugh or sing or dance, somewhere deep inside is the spirit of a little girl forever preserved in my eternal soul.

I honestly believe that my purpose for living is to be Lia's mother, and surely once we have our newest baby girl, my purpose will include her as well.

So I've spent these last 3 months dedicated to becoming a better mother. And being present in Lia's life in a way that I hadn't been the last year and a half of working outside the home. And trying to make memories. And attempt to become a better version of myself.  I can't say if it worked, but I can say I tried....

Today is the day!

I get to go grocery shopping today, and let me tell you-- the grocery situation in this house has become desperate!

We have barely anything and have been reduced to eating black beans for 2 days. But it was totally worth it because it means that I've succeeded.

Let me explain.
So given the new financial situation of our family, I've reevaluated my spending habits. Many things that were once STAPLES for our family; things that never even crossed my mind that they were wants and not needs--have been extricated from my home and no longer purchased by me. For example: Paper towels. I don't think I've bought a single package of paper towels for 5 months or so now! And have I missed them?!? No way, Jose! I purchased some cloths in a big package from Walmart and have never looked back. I don't wash any extra either. They don't take up a lot of space, and so I just throw them in the washing machine with whatever else needs washing, and it's done!

Every time I pick up a major spill with ONE cloth and then throw in the washer instead of the trashcan, it's like I've just passed some sort of cosmic test, and I totally whooped its butt!

But that's the not only thing. Especially when it comes to groceries. I buy No snack foods. No juices. No frozen meals. And all of those changes save up my cash to purchase food that will actually LAST me 2 weeks (or close to it, judging from my empty refrigerator). If I purchased a box of poptarts, my family would inhale it in 3 days max! and there goes a $3 /3 day investment. But a bag of flour makes pancakes and waffles for months!

Don't get me wrong there are things that we consume, almost gluttonously, like CEREAL! It's a definite need for my family. I bet they would rather go vegetarian and me never buy meat again, if it interfered with my buying of cereal.  It's serious business.

So I guess, my advice to anyone who is in need of curbing his or her spending is to first mentally prepare yourself to be uncomfortable AT FIRST. Because we are spoiled as a society. So any type of sacrifice or curbing of habits can be almost painful, but I need to assure you that you will persevere! Once you get into the hang of things, you will be just as comfortable or even more comfortable than before because you know in the back of your head how smart you're being.  Secondly, see how bare-bones you can go. What do I mean by that? Well start eliminating things from your shopping list that used to be an automatic addition.  For me, the first step was paper towels. (Usually when I tell people that I don't buy paper towels, they almost automatically go to "Are you gunna stop buying toilet paper too?!" The answer is NO by the way. Get serious!) Next came certain household cleaners that I found I could replace with just a gallon of bleach and vinegar and water in a spray bottle. Super saving lemme tell you. And my home is just as clean!

Next--commit! I read in this book, that the more you go to the store the more you spend--something like 40% more ( i don't know the exact #'s. I suppose I could get off my butt, walk over to the book shelf 3 feet away and look it up, but I ain't gunna) Anyway the point of it was this. Every time you go to the store just to pick up "a few things" you end up with more things than you ever intended to buy. And for someone on a tight budget, going to the store 3 times a week to pick up a few little things can really add up and jeopardize the financial stability of his household. So how do you fix this? Easy (kind of). Just stop going to the store. I've committed to only going to the store on payday, which for our family is every other Thursday.  That means I go 2 weeks without stepping into a grocery store, and therefore am not tempted to purchase even the smallest of items! It also means that if on day 10 I'm out of eggs, then I've committed myself and my family to go without until I am able to go back to the store in just a few more painful days!

This is my system, and this has worked for me. You may not be in a place where you need to limit your spending, but statistically that's not norm. There are staggering statistics about the average American household having up to $16,000 in credit card debt...I don't care if you make 200k a year! to have that much debt signifies needing some better spending habits, and it all starts with recognizing that there are things you are spending your money on that are unnecessary.

Good luck!

Tick Tock

Time is flying, and this new addition to our family will be here soon.

One of the most common questions that I'm being asked is, "Are you ready?" And my honest response is, "no."

And I don't mean in that flighty, hormonal sort-a-way, when I just can't get the house clean enough... I'm talking about not even knowing where the hospital is! No changing table. No bottles. No milk storage. No  labor plan. No experience with these crazy cloth diapers that I've decided to invest in because I NEED to save money-- because along with having no real plan, we also have no extra money.

Now that I'm not earning a salary, we have turned into a paycheck to paycheck family. If it weren't for the Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover approach to saving, this time would be really scary. But because I spent the year and a half of working to save every spare penny I could, we are confident that God will bless us one day with more income, and until then we have enough saved to get us through--hopefully. We just remember to keep giving, and the Lord will make sure to keep providing.

If I had to be honest with myself, I'd have to admit that I've been winging it, and as in most situations when one "wings-it," this has the potential of blowing up in my face.

I have a lot of fears, most of which center around the delivery. I'm worried because I'm not familiar with this practice and their methods that my delivery won't go the way I want. I'm scared the epidural won't go the way my first did, and that I'll be completely crippled and the delivery will take so much longer than necessary because of my inability to move. I'm scared that at the first sign of difficulty that they'll rush me over to c-section. I'm scared that they'll be impatient with me--especially after having been told at my last appointment that they will induce me if the baby doesn't come after 41 weeks.... WELL I had my first daughter at 42 weeks... Can I say no? If they schedule to induce me, do I just not show up at my "appointment?"

There are so many other fears and anxieties! Too many to list. Too many to describe. Too many to explain or justify!

I have to TRY to surrender this to the Lord and allow him to take the reins. Let Him take care of this situation and all others that may come up. I have to try to remember that I have no control over each and every detail, but I do have control over my faith. I need peace. I need surrender. But knowing what's right and actually doing it are different things. So I'm going to just have to keep trying.