the end of the semester is approaching and i'm so far behind i think i might get lapped and then stampeeded...

this has been my laziest semester yet. i've been so stressed out with everything else going on in my life that i didnt spend any time concentrating on doing work. or WANTING to do work. i dont want to do shit. what is wrong with me?

people dont become successfull by being lazy and sitting on their asses.

what am i going to do? and how am i supposed to go about doing it?

i got called into work today... to do important legal work? noooooo to do immigration packets? nooooo TO FILE PAPERS

to do filing... they couldnt give me the whole day off even after i called them at 2:30 and we get off at 5:30 NO they tell me to come in.

whatever

Beauty and the Beast

at immaculata... i'm working the lights. have you ever worked a light board, you ponder to yourself. and the answer to that question is NO. yesterday i spent 6 HOURS at immaculata learning the board and the script and my cues... my back was in excruciating pain. and today we had 2 shows back to back.... what did i get myself into?

but i love theatre and i'm glad to be back at my alma mater...

Today was my last day of work...

So im going in on Thursday... ok well now here are some more interesting things that only happen to me. i get told by my boss on my LAST DAY that he needs me to keep coming in because they are immensely backed up and he needs me to help, and me put on the spot agrees to continue working. What is with me and not being able to say no. i always get pressured. i always say yes. why? its like i cant look you in the face and just say 'no i rather not'

i mean i could use the money. and i guess it isnt that bad. but i was looking forward to being jobless. having days off. going to baton rouge for 5 days. having time to study and read. and catch up. i wanted that. and now i've promised myself into not having that. i'm an idiot.

So i was watching the news

the O'Reilly factor actually, and he had a discussion about St. Patrick's day and this gay female Congressman that wanted to parade with an IM GAY sign at the big ole parade in New York or some big city like that. and i thought that Bill made a great point. St. Patrick's day PARADE has nothing to do with sexuality. it has to do with celebrating a Saint. there were no heterosexuals trying to parade with signs. its just irrelevant to the day and occasion, and it got me thinking.

Anyone that knows me knows that i'm highly comfortable with all types of sexuality. it really is not a huge issue for me[anymore]. i dont consider it taboo, i dont consider it anything of huge importance to be quite honest. it all works for me. soo gay or straight take a break from it all. i understand that you want the world to know that you accept yourself. but theres is a time and a place for everything. not at a parade that is just trying to celebrate a Catholic Saint. I mean you could parade around as an Irish person. thats what its about. but who cares if you are a gay irish person or a straight irish person. show that you are proud of yourself... in just BEING yourself. dont conform, dont shy away, be strong. that makes an even greater statement

blahh

i am off today. i feel so weird. not like myself. its like i dont love anyone. i feel indifferent. i dont want to talk to anyone. i dont care about anyone today.

My Lenten Story

So like 2 weeks ago, the first friday of lent, I'm at work and the lady that i work with happens to be a Protestant and as some of you know I'm a Catholic. Okay so i make the mistake of telling her that i had no lunch today because the meal i made on thursday had been made accidentally with bacon. and since i dont eat meat on fridays during lent i couldnt bring food. so then the beating begins.... WHY? she asks me. and I repeat b/c i dont eat meat on Fridays during Lent. and she goes on saying. "Show me where it says that in the Bible.... Show me where God says dont eat meat on fridays" and i say that it is my personal sacrifice to God. and she says "you dont have to do that. that is why Jesus died. he died for your sins. he made the sacrifice" and i say "That i feel i am responsible for MY OWN sins." and she just walks away... okay well now lets evaluate this situation. Is it that awful of a sin to sacrifice eating meat on Fridays during Lent as a penance and sacrifice from your sins for the year? Am i going to go to Hell because i gave up chicken and poultry and pork and red meat for the Lord? ooooorrrr is it a GREATER sin to JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE and what they believe brings them closer to SALVATION AND THE LORD! maybe i cant show you in the bible where it says dont eat meat BUT i can show you in the bible where GOD talks about those who JUDGE OTHERS! and how he feels about that! I dont ask you about your Religion. i dont critize the fashion in which you get closer to salvation and jesus. Why do you feel it necessary to critize mine. are my sacrifices and my sacraments soooo evil? Is the fact that i go to church just like you do sooo minimal to the Church that YOU go to? are my prayers less heard because i'm a dirty Catholic? hmm lets think about it. how about instead of judging and critizing how others get closer to God you concentrate on your own salvation.

so i took a couple of days off from blogging

just so that i can readjust ya know? just so that i could rethink and reevaluate and RE anything else i can stick on there. just do all that stuff without writing it down so that i wouldnt drown myself in miserable words. i think that i'm strong enough to handle whatever comes my way. i think that God has given me all of the tools i need. its just that I DONT WANT THEM! take them back and give me my old life back... thats the ONLY thing i want. i want to go back to a time when picking out the shirt that makes me look cuter was my most stressful point of the week. my life is sooooo different now. i come and go into and out of happiness... i spend the majority of the time locked inside of my own mind. i used to spend it trying to figure out everyone else's mind. [if you are around me a lot you realize that i'm an observer well some people call it a 'stare-er' i just look at people. i want to know why they are doing what they are doing at that very moment. consequently i'm a wonderful judge of character] ANYWAYS lol [always getting off the point] I need a chill pill. i need a day of normality. i want a time machine or anything to help me forget. but then again at the same time. i have great people around me that WANT and NEED my happiness and do anything to give it to me. And dont get me wrong i'm always querky and goofey and ridiculous. its just that sometimes i think too much. and everything hits me all at once. yaknow?

every day is worse than the day before. my life is a black hole.

Po Po's In Algeries

ok so i'm going into walgreens to fill a prescription. There are two black girls walking across the parking lot. I turn to pull into a parking space. Apparently they didnt see my car, and continue walking. I step out of my car and the two girls are infront of it. One is talking shit to me but i dont really hear her so i say, "is something wrong?" She's goes,"You almost hit my sister with your car!!" and i'm like no i didnt. and she starts yelling so i start yelling too... She pins her body up against mine and the car. She's like " who are you talking to?" and i say "im talking to you" so she goes with both hands to pull my hair and i push my hand into her face. I turn around and now she has the back of my head in her hands. 2 seconds later its done BUT i'm bleeding down my face... how? i guess she scratched me while pulling my hair. anyways i'm bleeding pretty profusely down my face and chest and shirt. They walk into the store and i follow them. They turn around and the older one says "We better run they gunna call the police" some walgreens employee says "they already did" they start running and the managers start running after them and stop them by their car. We all start yelling and I'm pissed and cursing and yelling and so are they. and then the little one goes.. "she must be prejudiced or something because..." and then i go off! "how the hell am i prejudiced... what do i look like to you?" and she goes "mixed" i'm like okay....Are you stupid? how am i prejudiced and why would i want to hit you with my car? then we get separated. the police come. the emt comes. they clean me off. my mother decides not to press charges. and i leave. and i never got my prescription filled.

This is my happiness and my love, Tito

This was when tito was a baby... if you see the Infamous Pic Page you can see pictures of him now.... HE'S HUGE. kind of. he's still a kitten though. Well these are the long lost tito during hurricane katrina pictures. We found tito the day before the evacuation in a dumpster. We were doing some last minute cleaning up before the hurricane. He was the only thing that brought my family and me any happiness at all. and he still does.

isnt it crazy how the same event can make someone miserable and another person excited and happy? well thats what happened to me today. i hate my life right now and someone else is made more lively because of the same thing that happened today. o well maybe one day i'll be happy about it too.

My new friend

I have a new friend, and to be honest i had no idea that this was going to be the result of a simple action i did a couple of weeks ago. You know that next blog option at the top right corner of the screen well i often click it, and i read people's blogs, just like people come and randomly read mine. so i slip into someone's life for a minute or two. every now and again you find one that really keeps your attention, and on this particular day i found one.

Samaritan... i read his whole page, and i commented on a particular post he left when he was most definitely going through a rough moment in his life. i comment hoping that he would see some nice words on his page and a little attention and acceptance of his feelings. i didnt think much after that, but instead he comments on 'the infamous' and i check out his site and he posted about me. it was wonderful! nothing like that had ever happened to me; i never thought it ever would, and here i have this awesome guy that is reading about me and writing about me. I guess the same way i read about him and now i'm writing about him.

so it goes to show that you NEVER know what effects someone else. you Never know when you will create a new friendship. keep that in mind... for a some while now the phrase "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" has really impacted my behavior, and i know i'm making progress. just like the positive things one says can impact another person's life so can the negative things. I'm glad and thankful for Samartian because of his niceness... right now that im going through some hard stuff. this gesture has really lifted me a little higher.