I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Mother Teresa
Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action. Mother Teresa
Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home. Mother Teresa
Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand. Mother Teresa
Be careful when you pray for patience, because God will answer that prayer with more opportunities to be patient. Lead Pastor Kimi.
Sometimes I struggle with how much I should type out on this thing. How much I should share. Not knowing who's reading or who knows me on here makes it an ever greater risk that the personal things I type on my blog can be used against me or can be spread as gossip about me. And I struggle with that because like I've gone through so many things, that I've learned so much and have gone through such an interesting journey of faith that I feel called to share the things I've learned. Even though its embarrassing or hurtful. Even though I would rather everyone have this surreal picture of perfection when it comes to my life, I still find myself typing out the most intimate secrets.
A couple of weeks ago marked my 5 year blogging anniversary. 5 years. I've been typing/ recording/ thinking/ babbling/ blundering... for FIVE years.
During that time I underwent so many changes, made so many mistakes, cracked so many jokes, made so many friends.... lost those friends. Shed some tears. Graduated college. Had a baby. Got married. Made a life. Became an SPP mom. Moved away.
And here I sit. Wondering where I'll be in another 5 years. I went from 19 to 24 [i'll be 25 next month] in 5 more years I'll be 30. Will I still be here? On stupidsometimes.com?
Nicknames, like the Infamous that I got as a kid, will they still make sense then? They barely make sense now. Will I change it? Or hold on for "old time's sake?"
Will I still call myself a writer?
Will I still be reading? Following? Commenting?
5 years.
If you'd have talked to me 5 years ago, I would have never thought I'd be a mother, not to mention a wife and a North Carolina resident!
It just goes to show you that the plans God has for us is beyond the scope of our imaginations. It is so much bigger than the plans we have for ourselves. Even the humblest of lives are grander than the trivial expectations of man.
But I do want more, world. I want more education. I want more faith. I want more words. Give them to me; Or let me take them. I am not done. I have yet to reach the pinnacle of my life.
Joshua 14:12 "Now therefore GIVE ME THIS MOUNTAIN..."
If anyone saw the USAvs Slovenija match this morning, you KNOW the major JIPPING that took place! I know this sounds insane, but it put me in such a bad mood that it took hours for me to get over it really.
That referee's horrible judgment and incompetency should be considered a SIN!
Don't know what I'm talking about??!??!?!? You can check it out for yourself ---->here<------ OR you can sit through this completely bias and patriotic description of what happened given by ME.
The US team, discouraged and beaten, are losing 2-0 by half time. Slovenija looks good. I mean really good. Precise. Fast. Smart.
But our men are from the LAND OF THE FREE and the HOME OF THE BRAVE!
USA comes back with the eye of the tiger during the second half and shoot 2 brilliant goals to tie the game. With 5 minutes to spare, the US has a corner kick. The players on both ends are scrambling for the ball. The green team to kick it out of the danger zone; the noble red, white, and blue are focused on scoring. AND THEY DO! The ball flies into the goal; we are AHEAD, and victory is just a minute away.
That is UNTIL the King of Incompetency calls a foul, takes our goal away, and we tie--making our future in the mundial very unsure.... Why the foul? NO REASON!!! See the replays. See the highlights. See the game.
We have been robbed of our win--truly and honestly. Worst call I've ever seen. It was blatant misjudgment.
FIFA should come down on that arbiter with a vengeance.
Did anyone's custom template get totally messed up when blogger unLEASHED its new template designer??!?!!!! Well mine did!!!
And anyone who's been following this blog for any number of months KNOWS how difficult it is for me to choose a template. And just when I get that nifty red one and thought it would be mine forever--Blogger came and snatched it from my grasp, like a thief in the night it came and took my red-wonder away!
And what am I left with?!!?! HUH! This. Just look at it.
I mean I guess its nice.
Its not as busy and apoplectic-seizure inducing as my old one.
I don't know your faith... I can only testify on my own experiences, but I can tell you that I wish to be a beacon. A faith-filled, spirit-guided beacon of Christ love.
I found a true fullness in Spirit in Baton Rouge at my church home with Healing Place Church. And anyone who is wandering in the wilderness, suffering in the valley, for anyone who thinks that God has left him or her, for anyone who feels so sinful that the eternal love of God has excluded him, I urge desperately to check out that website. Check out the online sermons. They are wonderful and a good taste of truth.
But I'm now a THOUSAND miles away and searching.
How many of us are searching? And for what? How many feel lost? How many feel unfulfilled?
I know that I can't do it alone. I need a church community. I need role-models--cuz lemme tell ya a lil secret, cher: I AM NOT PERFECT. I AM SO SINFUL. I CAN BE A TERRIBLE PERSON AT TIMES. I AM IMPATIENT. I AM QUICK TO ANGER. I AM EASILY ANNOYED. and a million other things that I beg with the Lord to help me correct.
I want to be a better mother. I want to be a better woman. Heck I just want to be a better human being.
So what I need is a church. A need community. I need friends. I need it now.
We arrived in NC on Monday. Saturday night we attended a large, well established church. This (sunday) morning we attended Story Church and tonight we met with the Story Church Dream Team for a luau/bbq. And while they are similar in many ways; powerful in many ways, it is the energetic beginning that has drawn us to Story Church. It is the growing need for growth that has us excited to join in.
While meeting with the congregation I noticed that most of them had a common characteristic..... they were new to Christ or new to Church or they had a background in church but wandered away and came back through Story Church. Lee felt an instant connection to that newness. I, on the other hand, felt drawn by the opportunity to connect and grow. I wanted to belong to a church that was young. I feel myself drawn to serving and building deep relationships. I feel like I want to delve into Theology. I want to learn the Word and pass it on.
What does this have to do with anything?
I can only guess that now that I'm in this new place and we're kind of starting a new life, I'm reevaluating everything. I'm reevaluating what I want and expect from my life. And all these words, ideas, and desires are popping into my mind--keeping me up at night.
But Between the promise and the provision is the perfecting time. I have dreams, and God will get me there When I'm ready and am completely capable of glorifying Him once I'm there. He doesn't need my help fulfilling the promises He's made to me. I have to surrender and be patient.
When I was home de
Sunshine seemed like gold.
When I was home de
Sunshine seemed like gold.
Since I come up North de
Whole damn world's turned cold.
I was a good boy,
Never done no wrong.
Yes, I was a good boy,
Never done no wrong,
But this world is weary
An' de road is hard an' long.
I fell in love with
A gal I thought was kind.
Fell in love with
A gal I thought was kind.
She made me lose ma money
An' almost lose ma mind.
Weary, weary,
Weary early in de morn.
Weary, weary,
Early, early in de morn.
I's so weary
I wish I'd never been born.
Lemme Tell You What
by Jillien
That gal of which he speaks, is my car, who has broken down half way through our trip to the new home in NC. That long road of which he speaks, is I-59 which stretches from here to kingdom come. That weary morn of which he speaks, is my mind and my soul who are weary, my loves. And that golden sunshine of which he speaks, shines on my home long sold.
