Quotes of late--Lia

Me: Lia I love how you love God and Jesus.

Lia: Jesus is God. They're the same thing.

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(I read Lia a book about Mother Teresa. This was her commentary.)
"I like people who are good and help the poor people. I don't like people who do bad things and are mean to babies. But I do want them to say they are sorry to Jesus. So they can go up to Jesus too when the Sun goes larger and larger and we need to get saved."

quotes of late--The Lia edition.

Lia: "Actually he said, 'I wish I were older." Which means old.eeeeerrrrrr"

Lia while we're driving in the car listening to music: "This woman on the radio sings good."
Me: "Yes she does!"
Lia: "You sing good too. When are they going to put you on the radio?"

Me: "I can't believe the flowers grew back!"
Lia: "I think Jesus is great!"
Lia: "at growing flowers"

Quotes of Late: Butterfly edition

Me: Lia, tell me what 2 things balloons are good for?
Lia: Popping and flying away.
Me: That's right baby :D
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Lia: Mommy, you think that God catches all the balloons that fly away and has fun with them?

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Lia: I caught this balloon before it flowed away. I think God has enough balloons.

Quotes of Late

Me: Don't let that cat in here. I want him to think a fire-breathing dragon lives in this room.

Lia: Look at her smell holes.
   (Aka: Nostrils)

Lia to her Gma who's come to visit: Wanna see all the ants in my room?!?!?!?!

Lee: Your mom's gonna be here at 1:50 and it's already 1 o'clock!!...(Looks at the clock and its 11:45).

My Induction

No not into the Best Moms on Earth Hall-of-Fame, but the official eviction notice of baby girl #2.
I knew that it was protocol to schedule an induction when you've gone past your due date, so today when the surgery nurse calls at 11:30AM to say that I'm scheduled for Sunday morning, I was nervous but felt relieved that I had a little time for this child to come naturally and spontaneously.  Imagine my surprise when she calls back around 2 to say... Ummmm never mind. We need you to come in tonight. There's a scheduling conflict. Its now or never. She starts talking about me being in risk for a c-section. And how, after I practically wigged out on the phone about why on God's green Earth would I be at risk for cesarian?!?!?!, this is the first time that she's ever had a woman not want to be induced and how everyone else was usually like "okay let's do it."

So I literally spent 2+hours crying, wigging out, and talking to the surgery nurse, until FINALLY and ingeniously, my sister-in-law advised me to tell the nurse that I no longer wanted to communicate with her, but instead to have the doctor call  and advise me, which he did!

And he calmed my nerves. He said that if I were his wife, he would have me come in tonight. That it was in the best interest of the baby. And in a metaphor that I found more endearing than offensive, he compared my pregnancy to baking cookies, saying that he prefers his cookies chewier rather than crispy, and right now this baby's getting crispy. He let me know that I'm at lowest risk NOW and that the risk only increases as time passes.

So all this to say that I'm heading to the hospital tonight by 8:30 and that I'll have a baby by tomorrow. While it's not the way I wanted for all this to happen, I am confident that God is with me and will watch over my family. Thanks to all of you for your prayers.

And as a side note. Just minutes ago, my husband came up to me with this to say:

Lee: Can we just take a moment to massage each other, I have so much stress and pains....?

[What does he know about stress and pains! hahahah]

Quotes of Late

Lee: There was definitely something wrong with that meat! You should have brought it back. It was probably some sort of hormone-injected, chemical cow!

Lia [after a play date at her friend's house]: That's why I didn't do it, when she said  let's put the chairs in the bathtub...
--I had to start paying closer attention to watch she was talking about, after I heard that!

OBGYN: "Your mom's got some skinny ankles."

Quotes of Late

Lia: "Daddy has the Jingles. If I touch them I can get the chicken pops."

Amy after watching me do a goofy dance in the office: "Was that the Walgreens Shuffle?"

Graham after I told him how embarrassed I was that my shirt was unbuttoned and my chest was hanging out in front of a client. "Oh I saw that."
Jillien: "WHAT! Why didn't you say something?!??!"
Graham: "I thought that was your style."

Kelly: "Little sister I never wanted, I do listen to you when you say something."

VB: "They must be trippin' if they think I'm going to mail that!"

What my daughter says....

Lee: Ugh! It stinks in this car!
Lia: It doesn't stinks... You stinks....

Quotes of Late

Lee: If my friends ever found out, I would be humilified

Jillien: Cmon Lia..Lets go to the *stutters* pum... pum... potty. 

Lia: pum pum potty. pum pum potty. 

Lia: I have a husband.. He's pink... I met him in New Orleans.


Bueno: Hey! Watch out Swirvey McChange Lanes.

Quotes of Late

C: "If Lexis made a mini-van, I'd drive that too-- you DDS asshole!

Lee: Happy day, Turkey.

Subway lady: "And who are you??!!? Cuz I know you ain't his WIFE!

Jillien: "No attitude. It was more like.... I give up."


Wanna read past quotes of late? Click Here :)

quotes of Late

Lee: Why does we always have to till someone comes over, before we clean the house?

Jillien: which one, the velopciraptor?

Mommy: I wants it.

Bueno: Customers can drink the water from a fountain of his tears. Where else would the water come out from??? His ears? No, eyes are better. 

And quoth my husband, "nevermore."

Lee: "Why does she have to be so cheap? It just ruins it."

Lee: "All you ever do is talk about how you used to dance salsa with Dennis. You do NOTHING ELSE."

Lee: "They have fishes that put birds on their heads just to be cool."

This is why I love my old man.

JM

Quotes of Late

Jasmine: Now if only he were a vampire! He'd be perfect.

Jillien: We should start a band?? Who would play the damn instruments?!

Jessica: How's that for TMZ?!!

Melissa [in a text]: You guys have got to hurry-- the guitarist wearing all red [one piece jumpsuit] is sooOooO cute!

Quotes of Late

Bueno: "Boo... you guys are lame! I'm totally drunk."

Mike: "F*cking Matthew LeBlanc" (with a hard c at the end)

Jillien: "I'm sorry but your vagina has totally turned me off."

Lee: "No More Reading! You're going crazy"

The absolute craziest

What i have heard/read this week:

5) The janitor at the mall calling his friend on his cell phone asking about car insurance: "What's that insurance guy?? Direct General? Or THE General?? Ya know, the 5 star general and all that shit?!!"

4) Jack Bayles(newhat) I follow him on twitter: "swine flu scaremongering on the news says one sneeze could infect 150 people. thats 1200 victims per orgasm. some say 'bring back aids'."

3) Me while inebriated beyond coherence: "Lee fell in love with me because I talk more sober drunk than when I'm sober."

2) Guy on Radio asked about how one contracts swine flu: "You get it by oral sex. It came from birds originally... People having sex with birds and eating contaminated meat.... (Why would they call it Swine flu if its from birds?) OOHH I thought it was SWAN flu."

1) This less funny than absolutely HORRENDOUS. It highlights to me my biggest fear about mixed families. I'm always worried: say lee and I don't work out (God forbid) I KNOW no one else would love our daughter like WE do. Here's the story: My next door neighbor's daughter is pregnant. She is also married to a man who has a little boy [let's call the boy Richie] from a previous relationship. Here's the quote: "See Richie's gunna grow up to be a completely worthless human being. I hate to say that about my step son, but its true. He's too timid."

How DARE she!!! I'm telling you if I were that boy's mother and I heard something like that about MY baby, it would be ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! How terrifying that that woman is this poor boy's stepmother! Oh my! I overheard her saying it while she was outside in the garden (our backyards are adjacent to each other's). SO yeah... there ya go. Some people out there are just DAMN CRAZY.

Quotes of Late

Lee: I'm not even tall enough to be a woman model.

Bueno: Looks like she's having an acting seizure.

Jillien:  This is a shout out to my Sparkle Nugget!

Mike:  [my performance] will be golden.  You'll just stand there and weep.

So INCREDIBLY Serious its Scary!!

So since Lee and I have been together, he's always said that he wants a mullet.  You know.... mullet... like the hairstyle not the fish or anything. THAT would be normal.

Every time I tell someone his dream of having a mullet they say, "Oh he's just messing with you!" and I wish I could say I believed that.

BUT tonight has sealed the deal... Lee is insane.

Let's backtrack a day:

Yesterday Lee asked me to cut his hair. (I'm the house stylist. I've got my clippers, scissors, and everything else I would need to do the basic haircut for a toddler and dude... especially a crazy ass dude like Lee that doesn't care what his hair looks like! which should be a tip off on his mental stability and his DESIRE for a mullet)

So here we are- the cutting is about to begin- when lee describes the haircut he wants.  

Lee:  I want it long in the front and long in the back and the rest i want it to be like a normal haircut.

Jillien: What?!   

Lee: I want a mullet... Kind of long in the front and long in the back but the rest short.

Jillien: But mullets are short in the front. I think you want one of those FauxHawks... You know kind of like a mohawk but longer on the sides...

[I begin to cut his hair into a FauxHawk.... very horribly might i add. Lee looks at it]

Lee: No that's not it.

Jillien: Well I don't know what the H you want. Let me just do my normal haircut and I'll see if I can find a picture of what you're looking for.

TONIGHT MY SEARCH BEGAN...

First Style:

David Beckham's FauxHawk: 

NOPE! that's not it!  

What about this:

TOO long in the back and not long enough in the front, he says!

Is it like THIS ONE?!?!?!?!?:

DING DING DING DING!!

THIS IS THE ONE!

Lee said that THIS is exactly what he wants!  And he would even like the lines, but he can't wear that to work! Can you imagine?!?!  What am I supposed to do about this?  Any suggestions?

Accurate description

lee: u angry?! - cmon - you know u dont' get mad
unless someone wakes you up, takes your food, tries to give you a hug, or kiss, laughs at you - that is all

Recent Funny Quotes

Jillien: "Your ice is skin cold"

Melissa: "OMG and there's a Lizard on it and everything!"

Jillien: "keep my baby cousin's womanhood out of your vocabulary."

Chris: "I laugh at you."

Jessica: Talking about becoming Parish President... "I want to bring like more better stuff to Chalmette."

David: "Slava! Can I batushka you for a ride?"

David: "She's a dobleyst liar."

Jillien: "do y'all go home and sing love songs to each other... in opera?"

Lee: Where's my purse?

Jillien: I think its in my wallet.