What i have heard/read this week:
5) The janitor at the mall calling his friend on his cell phone asking about car insurance: "What's that insurance guy?? Direct General? Or THE General?? Ya know, the 5 star general and all that shit?!!"
4) Jack Bayles(newhat) I follow him on twitter: "swine flu scaremongering on the news says one sneeze could infect 150 people. thats 1200 victims per orgasm. some say 'bring back aids'."
3) Me while inebriated beyond coherence: "Lee fell in love with me because I talk more sober drunk than when I'm sober."
2) Guy on Radio asked about how one contracts swine flu: "You get it by oral sex. It came from birds originally... People having sex with birds and eating contaminated meat.... (Why would they call it Swine flu if its from birds?) OOHH I thought it was SWAN flu."
1) This less funny than absolutely HORRENDOUS. It highlights to me my biggest fear about mixed families. I'm always worried: say lee and I don't work out (God forbid) I KNOW no one else would love our daughter like WE do. Here's the story: My next door neighbor's daughter is pregnant. She is also married to a man who has a little boy [let's call the boy Richie] from a previous relationship. Here's the quote: "See Richie's gunna grow up to be a completely worthless human being. I hate to say that about my step son, but its true. He's too timid."
How DARE she!!! I'm telling you if I were that boy's mother and I heard something like that about MY baby, it would be ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! How terrifying that that woman is this poor boy's stepmother! Oh my! I overheard her saying it while she was outside in the garden (our backyards are adjacent to each other's). SO yeah... there ya go. Some people out there are just DAMN CRAZY.