Apparently

(in lee's mind) the only difference between him and Paul Walker are Lee's hairy nipples! gross, right?!?!

Coach Shane

"Scene from upcoming short film 'Coach Shane'
This is a scene from the 22 minute short film 'Coach Shane.' In this scene, Lucas has been kept after practice once again due to a poor performance during the team practice."

Lucas is played by this young guy Daniel Samonas. If you have young children, you may have seen him in Wizards of Waverly Place.

courtesy of http://vids.eu.org/view-id-3403074.html

5 things i do NOT find cute!

5.  you know at weddings, when the bride and groom cut the cake and then they feed it to each other... and some wise ass couple thinks it will be cute to spread it all over each other's face. I don't find that shit cute.

4.  Calling someone and they don't pick up or return your phone call until its an obnoxious amount of time later... WHEN YOU KNOW they had every opportunity to call back earlier.  Gross! I hate that... its so NOT cute.

3.  When people take pictures while making that fish face* (when they pucker their lips and look like FOOLS.) it's definitely not cute.

2. When teenage girls drive huge SUV's while text messaging and cutting up with their 3 friends in the back seat is super un-cute.

1.  Ok I'm at a loss for number 1, but you get the point!

Just Ordinary Random Dilusions And Normality

You're perched above
While I'm down below
I sit silently
And watch you go
Jumping from branch to limb
Hearing you sing
I cling
To every note
To every passing glance
I never miss the chance
To connect,
But the ever covetous Wind
Grows
Louder and larger
Until its harder
To see.
I spin and dodge
In hopes to dislodge
myself from Its grasp
At last!
I'm free-
To see
Once more,
But by then you are gone
not from my sight
But I from yours.

Quotes of Late

Lee: I'm not even tall enough to be a woman model.

Bueno: Looks like she's having an acting seizure.

Jillien:  This is a shout out to my Sparkle Nugget!

Mike:  [my performance] will be golden.  You'll just stand there and weep.

THE ANSWER: Don't try to lay no Boogie Woogie on the King of Rock n Roll

My Dad would play this song for me as a child. (I'm an only child and most of my childhood was spent with my parents) So mom, dad, and I would dance in the living room on Sunday mornings because that was the only day my dad got off of work. I tried looking for the shorter version of this song, but was unsuccessful. Its got lots of charm and soul to it. And if you're patient I would try listening to the whole thing.

Name that song!:

This s a tough one:

"Don’t you tell me n-n-n-no lies woman ’cause all you know I’ve told
Don’t sell me no alibi sister ’cause all you’ve got I’ve sold
You better leave that midnight sneakin’ to the one who worked it out
I don’t wanna hear no back talk speakin’ go on and shut yer mouth
And everything’s gonna work out tight if you act like you been told..."

Best Day In Forever

Lia and I went to sesame Street Live with a group of her school friends and their mothers. I have never seen my daughter so happy in her 2 short and beautiful years of life. The traffic was incredibly bad in downtown Baton Rouge that the traffic was all but STOPPED. We were running a tad late, and as I picked her up and started jogging around the outside of the arena to get to our seats, the music begins: "sunny day, sweeping the clouds away..." and Lia starts jumping up and down on my hip with excitement. We hear the characters introduce themselves from outside the arena doors... "Hi! I'm Zoe" Lia is thrilled beyond belief at just the sound of Zoe's voice. "HI ZOE!" waving her little arms. As we find our section and walk up the steps, the stage lights and the Sesame Street characters appear before us. And my little Lia begins.... "HI ELMO! HI ZOE! HI TELLY! HI BERT! HI GROVER!" And then she laughs. She's laughing so hard that I turned to look at her because I thought she had started crying. Her face is lit with pure happiness that only a 2 year old seeing Sesame Street in person can feel.

You need to know that my daughter ADORES Sesame Street. She is addicted to www.sesamestreet.org. She navigates the site on her own, scrolls, toggles between windows and tabs, plays the games, videos and art projects. She LOVES Sesame Street. So this was incredibly exciting for her and beyond special to me. I was able to witness such a beautiful display of joy from the person who gives me the most joy in the world.

Praise God.

2 very sharp tongued and witty comedians go head to head

Tell a Joke Tuesday

(Original Blog idea by Wayne's Window. Please click on the title of this post to view his great blog)

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."


(My friend emailed me this joke from a site I don't have the url to, but i thought it was great. Its not an original joke, but what is?)

Edible

Robert Pattinson in GQ magazine

This man is deliciously gorgeous. -------->Click here for the slide show<----------

The Outside

I'm walking through the shade and fog
The sound of broken twigs and dry leaves
crunch uncharacteristically loud below my feet.
I'm wandering with my eyes half closed,
my arms out before me
reaching for and protecting me from the outside-
those large, dangerous unknowns that crack into your
unwitting head, if one is not careful.
Relentlessly roaming below the placid surface
of the thick gray air, the outside lives.

Controversial Idiocy

Its easy to chicken pick through a load of comments or quotes and put together the most atrocious, racist, ridiculous, or stupid sounding concoction that if a reader were not to do his homework, the original speaker of these words would look like a total douche....

[Did that make any sense? ]

Here's what I mean. The Pope goes to Africa. Is asked a question about the Church and AIDS. The Pope answers the question with about 3 to 4 paragraphs of words. ONE sentence is picked out, and spread all over the news. Hear ye, Hear ye: This just in...: Breaking News: The Pope says condoms spread AIDS!

not exactly.

I've had to restate the same explanation of the REST of quote so many times that I'm bored with the whole thing...

I mean the Church is something I defend wholeheartedly. But the press does this to anyone and EVERYone. It was terrible during the Presidential election. An entire speech was left on the cutting room floor in order to print the one or two sentence brain fart. I just hate that... especially when its done to someone I admire.

What's making me laugh:

Katt Williams on Parenting: VERY explicit language but VERY hilarious (click here to view youtube video).

Perhaps I was looking for the wrong type of inspiration. Check this dude out:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/03/19/cnnheroes.jorge.munoz/index.html

Muse

Sitting and waiting for you to arrive

Until then, I'm barely alive.

All grey and fuzzy- with no clear sight

Harder to think and nothing to write.

Is it just me or....

Are infomercials getting out of control ridiculous.  I mean its actually kind of funny. 

Here's one: They are advertising a paper-cutter, and they split the screen to a black and white ominous video of a woman trying to cut some pictures with a regular, mundane, and inefficient pair of scissors, when all of a sudden her hand starts running amuck!  It literally begins lashing out and slicing the picture all over the place! Frightening, if you ask me?!

Or its for a toothpaste dispenser, and again the terrifyingly insane black and white video pops up on the screen. There are children practically beating the tube with their fists.  Incompetent human adults squeezing the toothpaste tube with such ferocity that the paste squirts out all over the sink!  This must be rectified, and the only solution is their handy toothpaste dispenser.  

I mean if these black-and-white videos are a testament to the state of American mental competence, then no amount of government funding or 3rd party charity would ever cure us of our idiocy.  

I'm thinking about inventing some crazy product, just so that I can come up with my own infomercial.  It would be some gadget that ties your shoelaces for you.... Cut to the black and white video:  Some little old lady is trying to tie her laces when all of a sudden the laces start going berserk! And her little old wrinkled fingers get all tied up and tangled in the laces... just a mess!   OR a middle-aged man is getting out of a business meeting when he looks down and notices that his laces are untied.  He bends over to tie them when out of nowhere a large gorilla comes up and starts beating him up!!!  This definitely needs to be remedied... Buy Jillien's Tie-a-Lace!

Post Script: Please don't get me wrong.... if I had the money i would purchase all of those items shown on infomercials! They're delicious. Its the advertisement itself that offends me. (this post was inspired by a conversation I had recently with Bueno... she seems to inspire magnificence.)

Tell a Joke Tuesday

(Blog concept from Wayne. Click on the title to view his blog!)

1)

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and saw that she had only three hairs on her head. “Great,” she said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today.”

So she did, and had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. “Hmm,” she said, “I guess I’ll part my hair down the middle.”

So she did, and had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only one hair left on her head.

“Wow,” she said, “today I get to wear my hair in a pony tail.” So she did, and had a wonderful, wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that there wasn’t a single hair on her head.

“Thank God!” she exclaimed. “I was running out of things to do with my hair!”

This next joke is not as nice; it might not even be funny, but it really does crack me up. My ma told me this joke, and it cracks her up just as much. Scary as it is to admit, but I'm a lot like my ma...

2) A woman is in line to check out at the grocery store. She notices that there's a drunk bum loitering around where one bags the groceries.  She nervously begins putting her items on the conveyer belt:  One loaf of bread, a pack of ground beef, bananas, milk, and eggs.  The woman is aware of the bum staring at her.  She avoids eye contact with him at all costs... Finally, when she's about to pay, the bum walks right up to her and says, "You're single ain't ya, lady?"   The woman doesn't answer him, but as she's paying for her groceries his words begin to annoy her... How did he know I was single? I mean I bought normal things. I know I don't have a ring on my finger, but  how could he have known that I was single without a boyfriend or anything? 

So her curiosity got the better of her, and before she left she asked the bum how he could have possibly known she was single.  He turned and looked at her straight in the eye and said simply, "Because you're ugly."

All Lightness Aside for a minute:

Recently the governor of my dear state of Louisiana has been criticized, called a liar, and ridiculed all because he used a term "during Katrina" and really the event he was referencing was a couple of weeks or however long after the storm. 

I don't know if you can imagine how sensitive the subject is for me. I lived in the New Orleans area when the storm hit. I had to leave my house and lived in a small hotel room for weeks. (I blogged occasionally during that time at the Port Allen public library.) After returning home, it was like living on the moon.  Everything had changed and not for the better.  

I read a blog that kind of set me off.   The individual said, "Katrina was over the moment the storm passed."  That person obviously didn't live in New Orleans.  Let me tell you that Katrina LINGERED.  It was like a noxious fog settled over the city and not for the couple of hours that the storm was hitting but after it passed, during the levee break, during the flood, during the violence, the looting, the death, the devastation it all happened DURING Katrina.

Believe me. 

Post Script: I was fortunate. I came home to a house, to my family safe and sound (but even they have their stories: like my aunt, who lived in the 9th ward, having to get lifted from her roof top by a helicopter to saftey. Or my family who lived in Chalmette that literally lost every single possession: baby pictures, clothes, cars, etc... That's traumatic.)  Not everyone was as lucky. People lost their homes, family members, schools, possessions, everything...  I'm not trying to say that I had it the worst... That I suffered the worst. I didn't, but I was there. So it  would give me a little more perspective than that idiot blogger who doesn't know the half of it.

Not Me!

(Blog concept by MckMama: click on the title to be directed to her cool blog!)

Today I did not have to drive my daughter to pre-school in my husband's car because mine was so filthy that I was not at all scared they'd call child protective services on my ass!

Also there's just no way that I've lost all the tax stuff so that we can fill out our tax return information. 

Finally, I didn't forget about my dentist appointment this morning, and did not get politely chastised by the hygienist who called me up to ask me if I were on my way!

There you have it. I've been "brutally honest."