Tell a Joke Tuesday

(Blog concept from Wayne. Click on the title to view his blog!)

1)

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and saw that she had only three hairs on her head. “Great,” she said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today.”

So she did, and had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. “Hmm,” she said, “I guess I’ll part my hair down the middle.”

So she did, and had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only one hair left on her head.

“Wow,” she said, “today I get to wear my hair in a pony tail.” So she did, and had a wonderful, wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that there wasn’t a single hair on her head.

“Thank God!” she exclaimed. “I was running out of things to do with my hair!”

This next joke is not as nice; it might not even be funny, but it really does crack me up. My ma told me this joke, and it cracks her up just as much. Scary as it is to admit, but I'm a lot like my ma...

2) A woman is in line to check out at the grocery store. She notices that there's a drunk bum loitering around where one bags the groceries.  She nervously begins putting her items on the conveyer belt:  One loaf of bread, a pack of ground beef, bananas, milk, and eggs.  The woman is aware of the bum staring at her.  She avoids eye contact with him at all costs... Finally, when she's about to pay, the bum walks right up to her and says, "You're single ain't ya, lady?"   The woman doesn't answer him, but as she's paying for her groceries his words begin to annoy her... How did he know I was single? I mean I bought normal things. I know I don't have a ring on my finger, but  how could he have known that I was single without a boyfriend or anything? 

So her curiosity got the better of her, and before she left she asked the bum how he could have possibly known she was single.  He turned and looked at her straight in the eye and said simply, "Because you're ugly."