You cannot argue me into someone's heart....

Lord,
You commanded us to love:
Our enemies
You commanded us to honor:
Our fathers and mothers,
Our wives and husbands,
Our spiritual leaders,
And even...
Our political leaders.
As a pastor I knew once said,
Respect is earned,
But Honor is given.
The End.
It was commanded by the LORD.
And we have to trust that Your commands and laws, Father God,
Were established FOR us
Through your unfailing love.
We have to trust
That following your laws
Will lead us
To GREATER happiness
Than we would have ever imagined possible.
More happiness than the results of our own actions would have yielded.
And trust,
There are times when your laws go against my
Feelings.
There are times when I don't feel like following Your laws.
In those times,
I need to surrender to Your infinite wisdom.
I need to understand,
That my life is but a speck on Your timeline, Father.
That You are a circle drawn around my timeline.
All around.
Past
Present and
Future
That what I want,
What I do,
What I say,
Affects
Time itself--
The world in its entirety.
I have to realize
You have a greater purpose.
You have the Blueprints of the Kingdom.
You are the architect of Paradise.
And all I need to do is follow Your plan.
So I pray this evening,
For strength.
Strength to follow Your commands.
To not lead myself astray-- so incredibly far from Your laws
That my life is a constant battle.
That in my desperation to obtain my own desires
I fall on my own sword.

my house is so dirty

These are some of my common sayings when trying to convince people of the level of dirt in my home....

My house is so dirty... if you walked in it right now you would call child protective services on me.

My house is so dirty... you could catch the ebola virus.

My house is so dirty... i have to clean it before I can start cleaning it. 

-------------------

anyway, my mother in law is spending a couple of weeks with us starting this Sunday, and while I'm so excited to have family here, the amount of cleaning, organizing, purging, etc I have to do is slightly overwhelming. 

Honestly it took me Saturday AND Sunday to clean my daughter's room and closet. NO JOKE. 2 days of intense focus.

That is ridiculous! 

It is partly due to being dirt and trash hoarders, I believe. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no where near those crazy people on tv, but who keeps dried up markers? broken crayons? empty bubble wands? Every McDonald happy meal toy since 2006???WHO DOES THAT?! ME that's who.

So imagine a version of that in each and every room. 

That's what I'm dealing with right now. 

Wish me luck.

My Joy Haiku

Just seeing your face

Is all I need to feel joy.

Your smile warms my heart.

And when you're not here,

I think of you constantly

While passing the time.

'Til you're here again,

My soul reaches out for you

My mind does not rest.

Then I hold you close.

I remember how precious

And joyous you are.

I dream alone

Not even you
Believe in me.
My biggest fan
Yet to be discovered.
And why should you?
Believe, I mean.
I dream alone.
I push alone--
I always have.
And through it all
I've been on top alone.
And my words
And my voice
And my thoughts
And my spirit
Get me through.
Not you.

Delve

Because you asked

I sat there and wrote
Because you asked.
And you spoke while I listened
Because you asked.
I sang and you heard
And I failed
While you laughed.

Again and again
In front of familiar strangers.
I stand.
I open my mouth and fumble--
Why?
Because you asked.
Trust me I'm humbled
And each time it gets harder
But I slap on a smile
Walk up once again
All because you asked.

Delve

Spontaneity

my impulse to write
makes me incredibly late
But it is worth it.

I tap my fingers
to the 5 7 5 beat
and scribble it down.

Then glance at the time.
I've not a minute to waste
Leave now or get axed.

Palabra

They come to me you know. All at once. Like a vision. Like a picture of their meaning. And I pick from space and man-made eras, which would be the best to convey the pain and the anger and the betrayal and the peace and the glory and the visions and the visions and the visions never cease. Then. They. Hide. from me. They slip through my grasp. They elude me. They mock me from beyond the real. They melt away. And all I'm left with are the confusion and the anger and the trepidation and the insecurity and the guilt and the sin and no real way to convey the visions, always, there are visions... I hear the silence in my mind. I feel it in my core. When there is no escape. But I wait. I wait longer than others have the patience to wait for me. They grow tired of the anticipation. They grow resentful. And they leave. But like a faithful friend, my words come back to me. My words feel me reaching out for them. And with the gentlest of embraces, I press my cautious lips together and utter, my words.

Nothing to Say and Nowhere to Go

I'm struggling.

With no clear vision of what to say,

I'm left wondering if the words

Are purposefully delayed.

Not a writer of insta-prose,

My stanzas could use 

A tad of inspiration

A tad of flare

A tad of direction 

To God knows where.

And tippity tap

I rap

Tonight.

With no clear vision of what to say

Sitting here

Wondering if the words

Are purposefully delayed.

Oh Oscar, how well you know me

I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.

Oscar Wilde

Dusk

The soft, blue-gray light,
The dappled light streaming through horizontal blinds
The imperfect light of which doth shine
Upon my book and unread lines.

Delve

Update: Church Picnic

It went wonderfully! Everyone was so into the kickball game, and I think when everyone participating is really into winning it makes it that much more fun. Some of the funniest most amazing moments I've ever encountered happened during the kickball game.

Power slides to first base. Kicks that were to the stratosphere. Aerial feats of wonder in order get the out.

Amazing day.

As of late....

I've read the Hunger Games trilogy:

It's a drama, thriller, horror, sci-fi action super series. I really loved it, but you have to have nerves of steel to get through it. Several times it got so difficult to withstand that I thought about shelving the books.

Also, for about 2 weeks I have been organizing a picnic for my church. But not just any church picnic, but I wanted an ultimate picnic/tournament event. What's on the agenda? Well kickball, ultimate frisbee, and soccer to start!! Don't believe me??

So its on for tomorrow. But if you can only imagine. This church picnic took more planning than all of my other events combined. Starting with getting the business liability policy to incorporate the city of durham, to choosing one park out of dozens that is not in a Bad! area. I mean barbed wire, missing swings bad.  To obtaining 2 separate permits from Durham parks and recreations and the Durham Police department.   To learning the rules of kickball which turned out to be a 12 page downloadable pdf file filled with diagrams and models.

But call me crazy.... I love that stuff!!! I can't get enough of throwing a good party. Hopefully this picnic is a success and not a huge flop. I'll be totally heart broken. But knowing how awesome my congregation is, they will make a good time out of anything. Big props to God for the awesome weather we're to have all this weekend.

Sensational Haiku Wednesday

Theme: Freestyle

The subtle thumpings

are the left behind rain drops

searching for their friends.

Kamikaze rain,

free falling from extreme heights,

hoping to connect.

I sit and listen

alone-- this cool spring morning,

Relishing the sound.

But deep within me

A war wages on as well

As I too free fall.

delve

It's not mine--A Not-Me Tuesday event

A long time ago I used to participate in a meme called "Not Me Monday" and it was a way to confess things in your daily life that you didn't do,would never think of ever doing, and/or wouldn't be caught dead doing! *cough* It was hosted by MckMama and since I'm not sure that she does it anymore, I felt compelled to write one tonight on this reminiscent Tuesday.

************

I keep such a clean home that it would be appalling to think that my house could be so dirty that when my neighbor knocked on the door to let us know that he had taken our trash to the dumpster for us, that we'd duck behind a wall and wait for him to go away so we wouldn't have to open the door and let him see our filth. We would NEVER do something like that. Our home is so pristine you can come at any moment of the day and it would look straight out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine!! (NOT)

Also because I always clean up after myself... there is NO WAY that after I cut Lia's hair in the bathroom, I would just leave the hair all over the place and not pick it up. So of course when Lee went to brush his teeth, his toothbrush was NOT at all covered with hair!!!! That would be gross and totally out of character for me!

So there you have it. Very clear examples of how we always have it very well put together.

You never should have known

It was a mistake,
I say,
Telling you.
Then I add,
At least before your pride was in tact.
You had hope.
You had an inkling of respect.
Now it's all shattered.
You should have never known.

Delve

I think its kind of funny...

how incredibly anti-Catholic some people can be. Even whole churches can have a "we're the complete opposite of the catholic church" mentality. And while a lot of people do drift away from the Church and into some other church, I find it interesting how little details of Catholicism seep in: advent, lent, Church year calendar, some other dogmatic or theological principals.

Most people know I spent a lifetime studying in Catholic schools from 2nd grade through graduating college. And like most of my compatriots, I rebelled. I lashed out against the Church. I did my best to poke holes and slander. Then I studied under a professor named Dr. Christopher Baglow, and it revolutionized not only my faith but my entire life! He taught my Christology and Ecclesiology courses, and I read his book on Faith and Science. (these just a few of the many faith-based classes I took, of course.)

And now this is how I feel. We as Christians should be living as to glorify the Lord so that non-believers will see Christ working in us and through us. We should be focusing on spreading the Word to those who are starving for grace. Not bashing other Christians because we think their mass is boring.  Not passing judgment on an entire group of fellow Christians.

In college, there was a group of young people, all theology majors, who would congregate everywhere they went. They would laugh, and play games, and chat, play music, just normal and happy. And let me tell you, it was evident that they were saturated in the Spirit. And most of them were planning on entering the religious life vocation. In my angry sinful days, I would look to them with envy--wanting whatever it was they had. I found it later, but it was active faith in the Lord and the peace and joy that comes with knowing that the world and all within is in His capable hands.

Now find a church that works for you-- one that helps spread the kingdom of God, but let's keep other branches of the same tree unscathed. Most of what I learned with regard to theological principles, I learned through formal Catholic education, and I'm proud of it. and I love it.

How can someone not enjoy reading

there are no commercials. No breaks until your lids are so heavy that you can barely make out the words. The endless worlds. The endless romances or adventures. There are tears and pain and joy and hope. Messages and lessons. The images I see when reading are so much more vivid and lasting than those on a tv screen, where someone dictates how my protagonist looks. Let my mind work. Trust me it is very capable.

Memorare

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.



I'm in need of a miracle tonight.

Transport

I closed my eyes
And thought of your words,
And you brought me there--
Exactly where I wanted to be.
And I was someone else.
Somewhere far away.
Doing things I'd never done
With people I'd never met--
Feeling free.
Then some subtle noise,
And Im back
Here.

delve

When there's so much left to say

There's so much left to say,
But not enough energy to stave the day
Or not knowing the proper way
To get it all but leave guilt at bay.

delve