Thursday, June 08, 2006

I'm So Ronery

I am a person with very few friends. a lot of acquaintances but There aren’t many people who know me. I’m not the first person to kiss your ass so that you will like me or accept me into your group. I couldn’t care less if I were in ANY group. And if I begin to feel like I’m getting tested to be accepted; the least likely I am to want to participate. Dont get me wrong, I'm extremely friendly and usually people take well to me. but at the same time I don’t make a great effort to call you or to go out and see you.

the horrible fact about it is that I am that way towards my friends as well. I’m the hardest person to stay in touch with.

It’s crazy because I was always just an involved person. I went out like 4 to 5 times a weeks and before I had a moment to think I had a thousand people blowing up my cell phone. I went from being the center of the party to hearing what everyone else did this weekend. I feel so incredibly out the loop. And I really think that the main reason for that has been my relationship with Lee. But please don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t give up a second that I spend with lee to go out with my friends. I do choose him first, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss my friends, that I don’t want to see my friends.

I think that in almost every relationship, one person gives up more than the other. Either he is always hanging out with her friends or she is always with his friends. AND IF YOU ARE SUPER LUCKY. Ya’ll have the same group of friends to begin with and nothing changes. Well good for you, your fortunate few. But I think that in my relationship with Lee, I have been with his friends. And they are wonderful and funny and accepting, but they are Lee’s friends not MY friends. And at times that makes me feel lonely.

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