why do i do the things i do

I am a condradictory person. My husband has told me so and i notice it as well.

for example:

Joe: I LOVE that movie
Jillien: Really? i didnt like it all that much.

there is no need for me to say that and in fact it could hurt someones feelings or rub someone the wrong way and YET i cannot help it. I need to really start thinking before i speak. I guess because i like conflict. I like trying to convice people of things and i rarely get offended by anything. That i forget to put the filter on my mouth.

If i have done this to anyone i apologize. i truly dont mean anything by it except that i didnt like that movie or that song annoys me. I dont know why everyone has to agree, but i can see how it can be obnoxious.

I need to stop.

From this point forward i will think before i speak. {or at least try to}

Bryan the Beautiful vs The Infamous

so i have this horrible habit of getting angry at  people for doing something that i might do all the time. Like for example, I'm the worst person to stay in touch with because i make very little effort to stay in touch with you.  Not that i dont love you but its just hard for me. [dont know why] But if you put in as little effort as i do, I get pissed!?!? i know. i'm crazy. Well this recently happened with my friend bryan.

I brought out an old saying of his and i told him 'good bye forever'  Because he wasnt talkin to me just like i wasnt talking to him. Whats that about.\?! and we've always been cool. Since highschool. and now he's working with nasa, going to a&m and has so many things on his plate

AND I have a baby and a house and a family and so many thigns on my plate.

But the truth is is that i miss him. I miss having friends. I miss seeing the ones i care about. I miss being able to play pool in the middle of the night.  

Thats all

sometimes it gets tough

recently lee and i had a bad arguement. i mean everyone fights right? i'm at home all day alone with no friends or family. he's at work for 12 h ours a day and doesnt get a moment to himself barely. what are we to do?

lee was beginning to just get so aggravated with me. and i can understand that. i have a tendency to think that there isnt anything wrong with me and if you dont like it well TOUGH SHIT. but thats not the way a good person should be. i person should be able to look at his or her faults and realize those are things she MUST work on. and NOONE has to get used to that.

I am learning so much about myself through lee. He's wonderful and faulty. Just Like Me.

its been a while but here is my latest one act one scene play

[Lee and Jillien are sitting on the bed conversing while their baby girl sleeps. Jillien begins doing an impression of lee making a funny noise when he hurt himself]

Jillien: maaaaaaaaaooooooohhhhhhhhh oow oow ow
MMMMMMaaaaaaaaAoooooWWW ow oooow ow
[lee and jillien start to laugh]
Lee: you sound like a machine
Jillien: what kind of machine??

Lee: a retard machine

What an amazing Christmas

So my little girl racked in the big presents. She got such a huge amount of gifts. She's so adorable and sooo Loved. Its wonderful. Gosh this was a good and crazy year. So many ups and downs. I mean really low downs and incredibly high ups.

My life is happy and complete, but i do miss playing pool and dancing and living in new orleans. I miss being able to just get up and go. Now it takes me an eternity to leave the house because i have to get the baby ready.

Its so strange how things work out. My baby has been alive for 10 weeks. Can you imagine only 2 months and half of living and breathing out in the world? Everything is so new. So much development. Every second that goes by is another second that she has gained in just everyday activities: breathing, blinking, smelling, touching. Can you imagine the air being new to you? the color pink being new to you? She won't remember it. But i will always remember her faces when you dance around her face with a colorful toy. Or the new sounds she makes and then she kicks her legs in excitement over hearing herself make noise. Its amazing.

me& lia

 

Ina Garten You Bitch

So now i'm addicted to watching tv and especially the food network.

I saw the holiday cookie special and was just hypnotized by a recipe
of Rugelach that the Barefoot
Contessa was making. I decide [being the culinary genius that i am]
that i can handle that shit.

I get all the ingredients which were close to a million dollars at wal-mart.
I get all of the supplies which cost close to fifty dollars at target and
I get to working

It takes me the whole freaking day@@!#$!Q#$!%!

i finished the damn cookies at 11 o'clock at night. I was exhausted.
I actually didnt taste them
until this morning.

BUT THEY ARE DELICIOUS.

soo i guess it was worth it.

I've decided because im broke for the holidays that i cannot afford
to buy anyone any presents.Instead they will receive these million
dollar 24 hours taking COOKIES.


Merry Christmas!

wow almost a month since i've last blogged. What can i say, i'm really busy now hehee

life with the baby is amazing. She is clingy and needy and i love every minute of it. 

i'm getting so nasty fat. its amazing guys.

I can't even think of any thing to type because there is just so much that has happened, but o well. 
will just have to settle for my cookie story. 

What an amazing life i live

Its crazy and cliche and whatever else, but it is SO wonderful being a mom. You never think you can be soooo in love. you wonder how God could have pulled it off.Sometimes i wonder if Lia knows how irresistable she is to me, whenever she's doing all her cute faces and crying and kicking.She is so amazing. And she KNOWS exactly who i am. She knows that she's going to get fed when i come around or when she hears my voice. its honestly the most rewarding thing in the world. She is the reason that i love. She is my life. I am sooo lucky to have such a beautiful girl

wow so its been an eternity since i've blogged...

and this little hunny bunches of oats is the reason why.

Lilia Whitbeck was born on the 16th of october and weighed in at 6 pounds 10.7 ounces and a height of 21 inches long.


I went into labor on that sunday around midnight and had her on monday at 11 in the morning. It was tremendous pain. I went to the hospital dying of pain and contractions, and being past due my due date you would thing they would take action, but NO.

they sent my ass home. 4 hours later in dying and shaking of pain and then it seemed a medical emergency. Nonetheless i got my epidural and she came out so easily the entire staff was impressed. this is the most adorable beautiful well behaved angel on the face of the planet and she is all mine.

its so strange loving her so much; when before she was born i was filled with uncertainty about my feelings towards her and now i can't imagine being happy without her.

she has her own blogger and you can check out a lot more pics of her on there:

http://www.liawhitbeck.blogspot.com

Lee: Where's my purse?

Jillien: I think its in my wallet.

i'm starting to think that my body needs a break. i've been on overdrive since my pregnancy began; i just never wanted to let it get the better of me... i never wanted people to think that i was fragile or weak. but today i feel ill. i'm tired and sleepy and stuffy and sneezy and i want to go to sleep but the funny thing is is that now that i want to wind down my life has been turned on to warp speed. i always have a lot to do; a lot to cook; a lot to clean; a lot to fold; a lot to drive. i wish that i could just be in my bed comfortable with Lola and Lee and do nothing the whole day. I wish i didnt have to clean dishes or read about proper bottle cleaning. I kind of just want to press pause.

interesting events
changing in the air
cloudy eyes
and cloudy sight
keeps the weather cool and fair.

i truly have the most loving family

this weekend my uncle came and refinished our hardwood floors for nothing. He wanted to give me this as a present, and do it before the baby comes. My aunt and my cousins came up to shop and keep me company and love me. Lee's sister gave us a tv stand and some stools... my mom and dad provide us wish easy love, and Lee's parent's provide us with support and direction.

The baby is due this thursday, and i couldnt think of a luckier child because he or she is being born into a family that does everything and will do anything for him/her just bc they love her. Thats a beautiful thing. Not everyone is born into a family that has that type of unconditional love, where the members of that family can't find what else to do with themselves, what else to give him, how much to love him.

Lee is incredible. and he's a wonderful husband, and he's going to be a wonderful father.

i'm happy. I'm nervous and happy.

what a while

Ok so i havent blogged in a long time! duh...

i moved into the house last tuesday and i've been soooooo incredibly busy its unbelievable.

We still don't have any furniture. its very sad lol but we are ordering the set htat i want today and the table with chairs tomorrow. We're hoping to have them by the end of the week. Its incredible living in a new place. Just trying to force yourself to make it feel like home, but at the same time its not too difficult because you put so much of yourself in it [fixing it, cleaning it, decorating it] That when you fall asleep at night you are just drowning in ownership and exhaustion.

Its really nice having a place, but at the same time i MISS my HOME sooooo much. I miss my mom and my dad and tito and lola and sissy lynn. I think i just want it all. A place of my own that comes with my family and pets. lol

I'm sad and alone in this house at times, but when lee gets back i'm happy and excited. Its horrible mixed feelings

I'm finally a homeowner

Yesterday Lee and I signed all the papers to finalize the closing of the house.

Its so crazy. 2 days ago at the walk through, Lee noticed that on the For Sale signed it had SOLD on it. Thats so amazing. It feels kind of unreal. Like this happens to other people. But no. I'm the one that is owning a house now. [well me and lee] It feels like everything is coming together.

Lee and I are starting to feel excitement towards the baby coming; before it was apprehension.
Lee and I are starting to feel confident about owning a house; before it was uncertainty.

I really feel like we are going to make a great family.. Our next big hurtle is trying to move into the house. That is going to be a huge task; all my things need to come from the westbank, all the baby's things need to come from kenner, and all of lee's things need to be sorted and brought from the storage place and his friend's condo where he's staying.

Hmmm its gunna be hard. OOOOO and by the way, did i mention we dont own any furniture yet/!? lol

Tomorrow is my last day of work

Wow all year has lead up to this. My two other '2 week notices'. My mental breakdowns, my pregnancy, my emotional rollercoaster.

EVERYTHING its all over. I'm moving on. I'm buying a new house. I close on thursday and tomorrows my walk through. I move in on monday. I don't go back to school until next semester to give me time for the baby. I leave my home of 21 years to say hello to a new home, with a new family that i'm the co-head of.

How am I supposed to handle all of this change? I've never been an unemployed, non-student, wife thats a mommy-to-be. That is a whole hell of a lot to adjust to. And i guess that it hasnt hit me until now. I mean not even the pregnancy. I've just been living each day in a sort of dreamlike/surreal state. This can't be happening. right?

But why does change have to be bad? Change might bring me to happiness. Change can be rejuvinating and inspiring. I hope that i can take all of this change. I hope that I can accept all of this change.

To my most loving Husband

Last night i began doing laundry EXTREMELY late, which for me is about 8:45/9 o'clock. [keep in mind i go to sleep at 10] well i had a load in the dryer and a load in the washer. I pass out asleep by 10 and my clothes aren't done yet, of course.

But when i wake up all of my clothes are folded and hanging in the living room. Lee Henry stayed up and finished washing drying and hanging all of my clothes so that they would be ready for me in the morning.
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The other night we are getting ready for bed and the tv was on. I told him to turn it off before we go to bed bc i didn't want him disturbing his sleep. He told me no that he doesnt mind the tv. In the middle of the night i get woken up by Lee getting out of bed to turn off the tv.

The next morning I start making fun of him and say "ah huh! i thought you said that the tv didn't bother you, and you get up in the middle of the night to turn it off..." and he says "i only turned it off because you were tossing and turning and i thought it was keeping you up."
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Wow my husband loves me. He always thinks of me first. He is so unselfish and thoughtful, and i cannot believe that God could bless me this much..

Gosh i am soooo incredibly busy

its like there are too many things that need to be done in just one day. i always seem to have a deadline. A today is the day deadline. Maybe thats bc i am a horrible procrastinator and when i finally get around to doing what i have to do, it needs to be done RIGHT NOW! Its so crazy, and not even thinking about the fact that i'm still working. And by still working i have even less hours to do what i need to do. Like for example yesterday was my day off. This is what i did:

8AM- doctors appointment
drove home and remembered that i forgot to request a medical letter to send to TOPS so that i can maintain my scholarship even though i'm sitting out a semester on maternity leave.
8:45AM- drove back to the doctor's office/ got my letter
drove home and my mom calls me to go pick up a receipt at statefarm

I leave and go to statefarm/ pick up receipt.

From there i go to get my oil changed. Then to get a new toll tag [mine was 2 months overdue]. after waiting for 20 mins I realize that the toll tag place only takes cash . Go to the bank; get cash; go back and get my toll tag. Then i drive to Holy Cross and handle my registration and refund check and get my official transcript. Drive home fill out my exemption application and personal letter to TOP; take a shower; got dressed and picked up my cousin to eat lunch; an hour later i'm dropping her off and then i'm off to the postoffice where i get stamps for my babyshower thank you cards and a money order so that i can get a certified copy of my marriage license. I mail everything off, and now i'm driving to Baton Rouge. I arrive and go to the mall to get shorts for tailgaiting today, then i go to walmart to buy some necessities, wait for lee to get his hair cut, and FINALLY by around 6:30 i'm able to sit down and relax on the couch.

And today [saturday] is going to be another full of activities day, but at least today it isnt errands. its tailgaiting and driving home and exchanging babyshower presents at babiesrus. Its going to be good

More Pictures on the Infamous Pic Page

If you would like to see more pictures of the baby shower, and pictures of Lola, Tito, Sissy, CLICK HERE!