Housing search

trying to find and buy a house is like trying to kiss a racoon. You know its going to be a little hard but not incredibly impossible, but it turns out to be a living hell and you ended up with stiches on your lips. and i'm goin to have stiches in my butt when they stick it to me with the mortgage and the realtor.

Every aspect of it sucks. You're constantly double guessing yourself and you always wait out to see if anything better comes but it only gets worse and you feel you missed out.

At this point i feel like i've been searching FOREVER and i'm never going to find anything, and if i do find something its going to be a 150,000 dollar 2 story dorito bag under the expressway!

I'm getting desperate.

late night tv = crack: Questions of Life

What is it about late night television that makes your eyes battle your sleepy mind? why are late night infomercials about tiny blenders soooo alluring that one cannot keep his/her eyes off the screen? QVC always has the ugliest clothes ever so why must i watch till 4 in the morning? Is cheaters really that awesome of a show that I risk getting purple bags under my eyes to watch every last moment...

Elimidate
cheesy bad sitcoms that dont ever show during the day

Its like the temptation of evil: The devil calls to us through late night tv. or maybe not;
One of these days i'm going to do a study and discover that late night tv leads to damnation or cancer... we'll see.

Ready for the big Surprise?!

So i havent spoken to anyone in a long time. I havent gone out in a really long time. I feel totally out of the social loop, and so i'm pretty sure that anything i say will be a huge surprise to everyone. Well DUM DUM DUM!

I'm getting married on Friday. Can you believe it? I' m going to be someone's wife. Its really scary. I mean think about it. How do you do it? I'm about to find out. so ask me in a year or two; if you ever want to know.

I mean marriage is FOREVER and ever and ever. It seems so unnatural because human nature is sooo temporary. Life, sleep, hunger, cold, hot, temptations, urges, cravings, etc. Nothing in human nature is FOREVER, but i have a feeling that my love and my marriage will be forever. because i am a strong person. and i'm in it for the long haul. I'm a fighter, and personally feel that i work hard to try to keep relationships together [from past experience] so anyways. wish me luck, and love me, and think about me. Its gunna be hard.

Tito moment

Remember you can always see pics of me and my peeps on the INFAMOUS PIC PAGE just click here

Skip to my lou

What if i had become a famous rapper guys? Yes, me, the whitest latin girl this side of the mississippi...

would you buy my album? would you dress like me if i were famous?> i mean think about it, all those people that are famous now were once just nobodies with some friends and a lot more critics.

I'm going to be famous one day, you wait and see. Either you see me on E! promoting my newest musical OR you'll see me on A&E my mug shots and my ridiculous story of sex drugs and a freak banana hamock accident.... i dunno:

too tired, must stop typing

heavy lids

I'm sooo sleepy and tired and yet i'm trying to keep myself awake... why? because i'm a toddler.

Life on the fast track

This friday is a big day... when this friday comes i'll let you know what happened, BUT its a big ole day.

You know sometimes theres just no turning back. There's no sucking the words back in your throat, or erasing that ugly look, or pulling back the punch. Once it happens its done, no making it the way it was before. Theres only tweeking it.

I sit and think sometimes if there were anything i would do differently. If i would take anything back, and there are a couple of things but its terrifying to think about because what if taking back those events causes the present to change dramatically. [i know theres a movie about this concept but i never saw it; so at this moment this is all me ] Anyways.

Ok so what's new?

I'm sitting in my living room trying to think of something worth reading, and i glance over and Tito [my kitten] is sitting looking outside at the window sill. He keeps crying because he's dying to go outside, but i'm about to leave to go to school and i dont have time to wait for hours for him to come back. [and yes i have to wait. we have a lot of tom cats around here and they arent very friendly. PLUS tito is slightly spoiled, and i like to make sure that he is safe and has food and water at all times] ANYWAYS.

The point is that my life is like this most of the time. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for class to start. I'm waiting for the cafeteria at school to open. I'm waiting all the time for something to happen. Is that normal? I never wanted to be normal. I've actually always had a problem with the concept of 'normal'. so maybe i should change the word and say is that common? is everyone waiting? I mean i'm sure there are those that wake up and make stuff happen every second of every day. I want to be one of those people, i guess. [now i'm starting to sound like the little mermaid] but its true.

You know what?! i should probably not jinx myself. Soon i'm going to have toooo much on my hands, and not even have a moment to think about how one day a while back i wanted to be uncommon. I wanted to be a somebody. I'll just be an anybody, and not have any time or energy to change that.

"Theres nothing i can do to keep

from crying when he calls your name... Jolene. "

You know one of those songs that you just genuinely like. Its not famous, its very unique and simple. well Jolene by mindy smith [originally by dolly parton] is the greatest to me.

i think its such an honest song. I mean all of the songs out there now are about how i am so much better than you, and not that true raw feeling of looking at someone else and thinking 'wow you are so much better than me'



Jolene [lyrics by dolly parton]

[refrain]Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please dont take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please dont take him just because you can

Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene

He talks about you in his sleep
Theres nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, jolene

And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you dont know what he means to me,
[refrain]

you could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
Hes the only one for me, jolene
I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do,

joleneJolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please dont take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please dont take him even though you can

Ok so lets refer back to...

the post from yesterday called In Class:

Well remember how i told yall that on that 'quiz' we took only 1 person got an A 2 people got B's and everyone else failed,

Shockingly i got the A. And all of those females that i'm in class with were horribly ugly to me, and catty and i cant even explain what else. I wish the teacher would have never told the whole class. I mean if she would not have done that then no one would have ever found out. except for all of you reading of course.

We seem to have a lot of moments like these...

So Lee and I are in CVS trying to find a moisturizer to go with a facial cleanser... i show him one and he says: "No, this is for people with severly dry skin, like you baby"

LoL thanks babe :) He's too honest hehe

lazy lazy lazy

this semester i'm really trying to apply myself. I'm reading more than i ever have for my classes, and i'm highlighting and writing notes, and i really want to do well.

i think a lot of people are doubting how well i can do right now, and i'm one of those people. But i've really only had one goal in my college life and that is to graduate Summa cum laude. thats it. and if i've messed up my chances to do so even when i'm trying with all my might. i think it will be my greatest disappointment to date. This is all i want. i hope and pray that i can. and if not, i just dont know.

In class

so i'm in my advanced grammar class and its moments before our first "quiz" [MORE LIKE AN EXIT EXAM it was 5 pages long!] anyways not the point. The teacher gives us an opportunity to ask any questions we want AND to review any exercises in the book.

keep in mind: I'm an english major. Everyone else in the class is an education major. and they are ALL friends with each other because they have so many classes together. I know no one in the class SOOOOO....

the teacher is letting us go over exercises in the book and i say we go over this kind of tricky exercise towards the beginning, AND EVERYONE IN THE CLASS is like "No..." "thats so easy" "we already went over that!" and so forth. so i say "Ok nevermind! lets not go over it"

Well sweet irony: Everyone failed the quiz most especially the last two pages that had a lot to do with the exercise that i wanted to review. Now we have to take 2 more quizzes to try to bring up our grades. hmm interesting

All those retarded education majors.

The first day of class this middle aged white woman that sounded like she was born and raised and never left the westbank was trying to communicate a story in ADVANCED GRAMMAR class, and she was all like .."They was trying to fix the schedule, blah blah blah" They was? what is that? thats horrible? Now dont get me wrong. I'm probably one of those people that failed the quiz too. i dont know i havent received my grade, but come on now.

Sad but Funny - another one act one scene play

[There is a split stage; the two characters cannot see each other; Stage Right: Jillien sitting in her car talking to Lee who is on Stage Left: Sitting in his cube at work. They are on the phone with one another]

Jillien: [excitedly] Lee, guess what i did today that i haven't done in a REALLY long time, that it was starting to get disgusting. I'll give you three guesses.

Lee: Uhh I dont know.. you finally shaved your legs?

Jillien: [disappointed and amused at the same time] No i washed some clothes.

The End

this is what i need

This is what i need right now
dark and silent and cold underground
and everyone can eventually forget
how sorry i was for having left.

*jillien

funny moment

Lee was trying to make fun of me the other night by making up a song...

[background info you must know to find this funny: Lee doesnt sing anything. he never even learns the words to songs. So when he drinks and finally feels like singing he just ends up mumbling really loudly because he doesnt know any words]

FAST FORWARD

So he's making up his OWN song about me and he starts mumbling through the lyrics. He doesnt even know the words to his OWN made up song. [i mean he could have said ANYTHING] HAhaha So then i came up with the idea that he should make a cd where he knows only some of the words that he's singing. I mean wouldnt that be great to have a cd where the artist doesnt even know the words to the song.
The critics would hate it
The intellectuals would find it innovative and inspiring
and the Pot Heads would think its the best thing since pizza rolls.

what a day

ever feel like the day is just so stressful sooo not good that you dont even have energy to rethink it. Its kind of just a passing ghost through an empty hallway. No headache just headnumb. i reached a peak of stress today that far passed what i ever though i could manage. then the day ended and i went home and now its over.

I wonder if life is going to stay this way. Is life ever just going to stop being so stressful and all of a sudden be incredibly exciting... and then again whats the difference? I guess excitment has a possitive connotation where you assume that it brings about happiness. I'm the wierdest depressed chick on the face of the planet i think. I mean i'm supposed to be unhappy and yet my brain wont let me reach that edge. It just numbs out and lets me enjoy the little things. Like Tito bird or swirly pudding. I'm grateful for that. My kitten boxed a rose yesterday and i found it hilarious. do depressed people laugh? i dont know... maybe i'm something different. maybe in distress.

overwhelming

ok so for a while i've been doing nothing but complain and express how incredibly unhappy i am, well this is going to be a sickening lovey dovey post. sooo turn away if you must:

My one and only happiness in life is Lee.
I cannot believe how much he loves me, why? i have no idea.
but he has stuck it out and it seems to be for the long haul. [and lord knows with me involved it isnt going to be easy.
He is soooooo forgiving and understanding that i wonder how an individual could exsist that is so close to perfect goodness.
Lee has little character faults that are more like characteristics than flaws.
He puts up with my everlasting nagging. lol

Lee finds me funny... he's always laughing and in his own little corney way Lee is really funny too and makes me laugh even though i dont let him see it all the time. He's beautiful.

I'm happy... with him i am happy. God blessed me.

I HATE TOLL BOOTH LADIES

grrrrrrrrr I went today to the 24th JDC in gretna and the costs were little more than i had expected, but i still had 3 dollars left. and i figured i've only been here for 30 mins it shouldnt be more than that WEEELLLLLL. 0-2 hours is FIVE DOLLARS. i had to make the whole line back up, pull over, walk to the nearest atm, take out 20$, walk all the way back b/c she couldnt cut me a 2 dollar break. gr

A word of advice...

For all of you who have a gf/bf AND mothers...

When you get in a fight with your significant someone, keep it between you and your gf/bf. DO NOT think that you can trust your mother with being cool enough to talk to about the fight. Mothers go crazy when they think that their mama's boys or their little girls are hurt by some bastard/bitch who isnt good enough for their baby... Chances are that when you get in a fight with your bf/gf yall will get over it in a matter of hours or minutes depending on the fight, but the damage that you do to your bf/gf's relationship with your parents is hard to turn around. Moms stay angry way after you get over it.

So the moral of the story is: If you love your wo/man, and yall have a lovers spat NO MATTER HOW HORRIBLE. if in your heart you know its not the END OF ALL ENDS then do your best to work it out with your sig other. write it in a journal, but DO NOT include your mother.
word to the wise.

Piano Lessons

So i'm taking piano lessons and i'm the worst. I have noooo piano talent. The notes go ABCDEFGABCDEFG, and the prof. asked me if i'm at F what is before? and i said G. I just can't think that way. My fingers dont work well for the piano...

Its funny because i'm taking 2 = 400 level english courses amongst other classes and Piano seems like its going to be the most challenging. wish me luck

Memoirs of a Geisha

I just finished it tonight. it took me about a week. i was completely consumed with it and finishing it that by the end i was skipping whole paragraphs to get to the good parts. i know what you must be think..."Dude that book's been out for a thousand years and you're just reading it" well to relax your mind. yes i'm just reading it. I bought it even before the movie came out, so i dont have the new book with the movie cover but i just never got around to reading it until now. Lee has been doing some over time and having to work after getting home from his normal 9 to 5 so one day i brought the book along to entertain me. even then i didnt get too far, but then suddenly i went on warp speed and haven't put it down since.

actually the other day i was stuck in traffic and i took it out to glance over while i sat and waited. i know i'm the hazardous driver your mother's always warning you about.. you know that one that eats, changes the radio station, puts on makeup, and READS A BOOK while she drives... shoot me!

well to end my book review its a wonderful book. it was like the author wrote out my exact feelings for how i feel about lee. my life has taken many turns just to get me to him. thank you God, for always knowing what is best for me even though i dont see it that way at first.

School is back again

So today was my first day of school... its funny because last friday was the last day of work but they called me back and soooo DUM DUM DUUUUM! i'm going back to work lol its kind of funny but i can't seem to leave. im happy though. cuz i need the money but i also need time for myself. so maybe this is meant to be