Haiku! Yes Sir!

This week's theme: Ego

Stars and spatial globes

Spin and twirl. They die and live

In His mighty hands.

Of those who deserve

lots of worship and praises--

He asks for it all.

So...

Check yourself, my dear

'fore you wreck yourself, ya hear?

Leave ya ego home!

I'm off track

My husband and I attended a service at a local church in Baton Rouge years ago--just out of a whim. We had drifted way off course in our faith, in our relationship, in our lives... and the spirit spoke to us that night  when the pastor gave his sermon, which was appropriately named The Drift. It was all about the NEED to remain conscious of where we stand. That if we become lazy, we drift away from the light of God--from the kingdom. Every day should begin with a purposeful repositioning--making sure you're heading Godward.

Well that sermon struck a cord with me even though I was too proud to admit it at the time.

Lee and I have referenced the teachings of that message constantly through the years.  But in recent months, through the stresses of this move, I hadn't noticed how far I'd drifted... Yea, I still go to church twice a week, but you would never tell from my attitude, my thoughts, and my actions.

How can I expect God to send grace down onto my life, if I'm not even making a conscious effort to live a pleasing life??? How can I expect goodness and mercy, when I'm so mean and unforgiving? This is not a God directed life.

As I sit here and type, I'm thinking of all of my sins... the ones that are obvious ie: bad attitude, quick to anger, laziness; and the ones that I keep buried down deep. But wanna know what happens when you bury something??? if you bury it and deny it nourishment, it dies. But if you're like me and you bury it in the rich soil of your constant thoughts, feed it regularly with attention, and protect it from destruction by refusing to acknowledge how harmful it is to you... it grows and becomes a tangled mess. Like a labyrinth that you've no way of knowing how to escape. It blocks your path. It blocks your vision. It blocks grace.

My future is too uncertain to further complicate it with a lack of vision. It is time that I do a reckoning. It starts today with right now!

Microfiction Monday

The Picture

The Story

(in 140 characters)

Who me?! 
Oh don't mind me!
I was just heading to the bathroom.
What jars?
Oh, these jars!
Um. Well.
See, Its actually a very funny story...

hosted by: Stony River

Stretched

I am feeling stretched to my limits. My patience. My tolerance. My comfort. All under the ultimate test!

This move to North Carolina, in my heart, feels like it is where God is pointing our family. I feel like Lee and I are Joshua and Caleb staring at the promised land--flowing with milk and honey, but of course, there are giants in the land.

What are my giants?
--Unfamiliarity
--Distance from my friends and family
--Having to rely so heavily upon lee and him having to lean just as much on me. It will definitely be a test for our relationship.

When people ask me, "Are you excited?" The one honest response I can give them is, "The ONLY thing I'm excited about is having a home again."

For the past 3 1/2 years I've been a stay at home mom and loved every second of it. What is coming up for me in NC? Lee and I have been talking about me applying for jobs full-time, and I have to admit, it's terrifying! I have my degree in English, but that is not a big money-maker, lemme just tell ya! So what else is there out there for me to do?

So many questions are laid out before me. And even my imagination is being stretched.

Well, I came to a decision last night at 9:30PM when Lee and I finally made it on the road back to New Orleans from Baton Rouge....

I'm going to search for the kingdom. I'm going to pursue only the grace of God, and in my search for Him, I am confident that everything else will fall into place. (Well to be honest--confident is a strong word considering how insecure I am about it all. But, hey! Gotta fake it till you make it, right!!?!??!?)

Shape

Its all the heavy breathing;
The up and down,
The tense muscles,
The need to stop,
But the want to continue
That has my mind going
In every direction.

[Argh! Exercise....
This is what I get for getting so dang
Out of Shape!]

Make yourself at home

Hospitality can be a very simple thing if given the chance. At its very basic implementation one simply surrenders his or her own comfort for the comfort of others. Allowing the house be a few degrees colder than one is used to can be uncomfortable but it's all in the attitude... One can grit his teeth, anxious for these people to leave, while stressing about the energy bill; OR one could give with joy--singleminded toward making his guest at home.

Have you ever felt unwelcome? Ever felt like you were putting someone out? It's a horrible feeling! Just yearning for the day when you can be back in the comfort of your home. While we all probably prefer to be in our own homes, it's disgusting to have an oppresive host, who although may give generously, gives without joy, and trust me your guest can tell!

"Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Cor 9:7

I'm in no-man's land

Wondering where I've been?
The answer to that is: everywhere and nowhere.
We had the most awful experience moving out of our home. It was unorganized, dysfunctional, and extremely emotionally draining.
So after we finally moved everything out on Tuesday, we relocated to my friend's apartment. Where we'll stay until the end of the week. We will decide where to go after that...

Why so unsettled? Because our original temporary home did not allow our cat to come. So  we would either have to pay hundreds of dollars to have him boarded for a month.... hundreds of dollars that our family does NOT HAVE or live all over.

Needless to say this has been the most difficult thing I have ever gone through!

But we're getting through it by the grace of God and the goodness of our friends.

JM

How Generic

How generic can you be?
Have you lost all sense of wit ?
Has your cleverness evaporated
Like dew on the pavement?
You noob?!
You fourth-grader posing as a writer!!
Where are your words?
Where did your inspiration go?
Did it go with the home you desperately sold?
Did it go with the concept of what home actually was to you?
Did it go with your comfort?
Did it go with your familiarity?
One thing's for sure, my dear....
It is gone!

Wassahapaning

I am voluteering at church all week, even though I have to pack up my house. We close on Friday and must be out by Monday. It's terrifying. I'm busy. I'm in denial and am renting for the first time. READY OR NOT north carolina.... Here we come!

Days

I have many colored days too

Purple days for when I'm feeling down

So my sad days are never blue.

I usually awake to pink days 

And smile,
but those days turn gray

Every once in a while.

Today is bright green

Although under the surface

I'm not as calm as I seem.

The Meme that keeps on Meme'ing!!!

On a recent meme post Microfiction Monday, a very talented writer Alesa got me thinking with this comment:

 Alesa Warcan said...
I just followed your lead, but thank you for your kind words.

Might be interesting if the commenters added 140 character fragments to the story... but that, of course, is another story.

*To which I responded......


 Jillien said...That would be an AWESOME concept. I once did something like that many years ago... the original story teller would give you three options on where to take the story.... so then you chose a path and continued to write... once you hit a crossroad, you posted 3 paths, and its goes on and on. It was lots of fun! It would be great to do one large infinite story post!

So it got me thinking?!?!?!? Would anyone be interested in a unending story meme???

Sunday Citar

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

"Cuz its the Best Day EVER!"--Spongebob

We went to New Orleans the other day, unwittingly, during French Quarter Festival! It was literally the best day ever, and I don't think we could have planned it better. There were 2 ferry rides, bands, beignets, french quarter boutiques, balloon animals, did I mention the beignets? My daughter was in sugar-induced heaven, and the 10 dollars I spent the entire day were the best 10 dollars I ever spent in my life in just seeing how everything made my angel so happy! 

Its late and the droning of my computer is lulling me to sleep.
 I've not had many words lately.
My simple and dependable little signifiers have abandoned me. 
I force myself to click and type.
And think
And emote
And feel.
******************************************


I can't breathe.
I can't breeaathe.
The words are pounding against her skull.
I cannot breathe
I will not breathe again.
Her heart is broken.
And the air has been forced from her lungs,
By the very pain of it all.
*****************************************

Baton Rouge Symphony Orchestra Chorus--Requiem

This Thursday will be my last performance with the Baton Rouge Symphony Chorus since I'll be moving out of state by next month.

Here's a piece of the second movement of Verdi's Requiem

Microfiction Monday

The Picture

The Story (in 140 characters)

I never thought it would take this long. 
Wasn't there supposed to be some fairy godmother
who comes to the rescue?
There's no changing back.

hosted by Stony River

I am having so much trouble controlling how incredibly angry I am right now.

Haiku Again

This week's theme: Decisions

I have decided

To do what brings me sadness:

I have sold my home.

[Someone else will sit

Where I held my newborn girl

And rocked her to sleep.

Someone else will eat

Where all my friends and I ate--

Where we laughed and spoke.

Someone else will sleep

In the room my lil girl slept

and played pretend.]

The ghosts of all my

Memories haunt me at night

I no longer sleep.

There's not a single word
To represent
Every thought that runs through my mind.
Every break in my heart
Every short  breath I take.
Its all very
Wordless.

That would be me on the far left hehehe

Desperately needs faith and hope

Psalm 25 (New International Version)

Psalm 25

Of David.

 ¹ To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; 
  ² in you I trust, O my God....
 ¹¹ For the sake of your name, O LORD,
       forgive my iniquity, though it is great....
  ¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me, 
       for I am lonely and afflicted.
 ¹⁷ The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
       free me from my anguish.
 ¹⁸ Look upon my affliction and my distress
       and take away all my sins...
 ²¹ May integrity and uprightness protect me,
       because my hope is in you.

She Is Trying

She falls.
Collapses, really, on her knees and begins to pray.
She prays out of fear and desperation.
The grass beneath her is dry and warm.
The day still.
The air fresh and indifferent.
It cares not--the wind that is.
It never has.
Those frivolous molecules that circle the globe
Yielding only long enough to make a dent
Or to go around.
What does it care that she is falling apart?
Who would notice
That her statue-like sitting is only because
The alternative would be out-of-control?
She's digging.
Head bowed.
Warm, salt-brimmed tears fill her eyes,
Then cascade onto the blades of green
Where they bend with the pressure--
Receiving her wet offerings.
Here she begins to mumble her prayers.
[The space around her can almost begin
To understand what she is saying.
Its audacious eavesdropping.]
She uses all her strength to maintain composure.
She wants to beat the ground.
Scream.
Brandish her arms.
Hit something.
Pull at her skin.
Claw at her face.
She doesn't.
She kneels
And prays.
And mumbles.
And cries.

Third Day- Creed

forgive the Portuguese subtitles, but this video was so powerful!

Microfiction Monday

The Picture

The Story

(in 140 characters or less)

Looking @ us now u can barely imagine
how we were once a couple of delinquent 18yr olds.
That tragic night & a body @ the bottom of a bridge

Hosted by Stony River

It's its Silent Song I Hear

There's a buzzing in here tonight.
A gentle stir right at the bottom of me.
And i've decided to let it ring.
I want it to move.
Move until I have something to show.
Move until I have no other option
but to let it carry me away.
Humming deeply into my ears--
It is brushing its rhythms against my thoughts
And I'm tip-taping
Its subtle tones.

Fragmenting my Friday

Went to the dentist on Tuesday... They told me I had to get my wisdom teeth pulled Wednesday. YUMMY. So i've been dealing with that. But surprisingly it doesn't hurt really. The most uncomfortable thing for me is not being able to eat everything I want. That is truly torture because I LOVE TO EAT!!!!!!!

Got our first hit on the house yesterday. I spent all day running errands--buying things for the house. Lee came home and we worked like maniacs to get the house just right..... They never showed.

Our church had its first service last night in the newly built 30 million dollar arena. It was incredible, and I can't wait to experience the new souls getting saved. More space for more people! God is great!!
VIEW PICTURES


I kept my daughter out of school last week for 4 days (Monday through Thursday) because I heard some very disturbing things were happening in the class ie yelling by the teacher, hitting from other students... just not nice behavior. I spoke to the teacher and principal and they assured me that the accounts are greatly exaggerated. I don't know who to believe, but I've prayed on it and I've sent her back this week. I'm taking it day by day and so far so good! Please send prayers :)

Here's what I'm listening to this week!

"Sometimes we don't realize that God is all we need until God is all we have."

Our home is soon to be officially "on-the-market." The realtor came this weekend and dropped off the For Sale sign and took pictures of our home. We signed the contracts and handled all the legalities.... And now it is time to surrender the rest to God.

I have decided to have as much faith as I can muster. I have faith that He will provide for us the perfect buyer. I have faith that the future will be bearable. That whatever is in store will only make me stronger in my quest for Christ.

It is so hard not to be skeptical.  The homes in my neighborhood are selling for about 20,000$ LESS than what I purchased my home for originally. This is super duper stressful and disconcerting. But faith isn't faith until it is tested.

  Salvador DALÍ, The angel of Port Lligat 1952

Mark 11:22-24 (New King James Version)

²² So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. ²³ For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. ²⁴ Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.


Has anyone read The Secret?? Its all about believing in what you want and surely receiving it by your positive thinking. HmmmMmmm I guess that's not a very new idea but it is inspired. so AMEN! I'm having faith. 


Are there things in your life that are requiring you to surrender? Pray for positivity. Pray for success. The less doubt you have in the LORD, the more you will receive!!!

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my shepherd;
         I shall not want.
 ² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
         He leads me beside the still waters.
 ³ He restores my soul;
         He leads me in the paths of righteousness
         For His name’s sake.
      
 ⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
         I will fear no evil;
         For You are with me;
         Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
      
 ⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
         You anoint my head with oil;
         My cup runs over.
 ⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
         All the days of my life;
         And I will dwell^[a] in the house of the LORD
         Forever.

Microfiction Monday

The Picture

The Story (in 140 characters)

Faces! She saw them everywhere.

Her earliest memory was as a lil girl facing the window

& a sinking feeling that someone was looking at her.

Hosted by: stoney river

Give me that milk gallon...Back up off me.

At HPC Women last night, our lead pastor Dino spoke because his wife (our regular women's pastor) is on vocal rest for 3 WEEKS! ouch!

Anyway... he came in to learn us something about the differences between men and women.

He preached on how God made us in His image. He made us different. And He blessed those differences. He taught how important it is for our men to feel respected. He spoke how you should only come to your man with a problem if you're expecting him to fix it. This is how their minds work.

Then he went on to speak to the single women in the room. Here's the jist of that sermon:

If you are confident in Christ. If you allow the Holy Spirit to change your man, instead of trying to do it yourself.  If you try to be the best version of Jesus you can be, you won't spend the rest of your life living on "BAYOU SELF!"

School Pictures

My daughter is taking her Pre-K3 school pictures today. And it had me thinking back to grade school and taking my own school pictures.

My missing teeth and big glasses... Thick straight-cut bangs... uniform always too small on me.

Needless to say, I was an awkward-looking kid. But I was always an extrovert and loud and obnoxious (all  of these not in a good way)

(yep you guessed it! thats me on the far right)

Everyone looked back at the turn of the decade and asked.... where was I 10 years ago? Well, I was 14 and a freshman in high school! A FRESHMAN! The epitome of awkward years.

It really was not until I was a sophomore that I became un-ugly. You know what I mean. That ugly duckling you've been since you were 10 or so....Well that went away at 15 for me. And I got slimmer glasses and my braces were off and my flat chest finally started to show signs of life and growth!

At 17 I finally chilled out and lost a bit of my obnoxiousness. I started to mature. I was really a late maturer. But once I got the hang of it.... I took off flying into mature land. Thinking I was much more grown than I really was.

(Bottom Left)

And now I'm 24 and life is so grown up now. It is a very real world for me--at times a very surreal world! But I've come a long way, and I've not forgotten a single step in the journey. 

--I remember the painful rejections, The break-ups, The plays I performed in, The songs I blasted on the radio, The kisses, The F's, The awards, The classes, The stresses, The laughs, The love... and it all got me here:

Microfiction Monday

The Picture

The Story (in 140 characters)

When her agent said she'd been cast opposite a handsome up-&-comer, he never mentioned it was for an unsightly underarm hair commercial!

Hosted by: StonyRiver

Into the Valley of the Shadow of Death

I've had this theme in my mind this Monday morning and thought I would share it with you in the 3 different aspects it has popped into my head.

The valley of the Shadow of Death came to me while surfing through one of my favorite websites www.Biblegateway.com  with Psalm 23:

Psalm 23 (King James Version)

 ¹The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

 ²He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
 ³He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
 ⁴Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
 ⁵Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
 ⁶Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.


Then as I previously posted with Tennyson's Charge of the Light Brigade, the literary value of this theme and finally with its connection to LSU and Tiger stadium. Why is this on my mind? No clue, but for some reason the Spirit has been guiding me here, and I will keep reflecting. I hope that any one of these references to Death Valley has interested you.  

Death Valley

Charge of the Light Brigade

Half a league, half a league,

Half a league onward,

All in the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!

Charge for the guns' he said:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'

Was there a man dismay'd?

Not tho' the soldiers knew

Some one had blunder'd:

Theirs not to make reply,

Theirs not to reason why,

Theirs but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,

Cannon to left of them,

Cannon in front of them

Volley'd and thunder'd;

Storm'd at with shot and shell,

Boldly they rode and well,

Into the jaws of Death,

Into the mouth of Hell

Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,

Flash'd as they turned in air

Sabring the gunners there,

Charging an army while

All the world wonder'd:

Plunged in the battery-smoke

Right thro' the line they broke;

Cossack and Russian

Reel'd from the sabre-stroke

Shatter'd and sunder'd.

Then they rode back, but not

Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,

Cannon to left of them,

Cannon behind them

Volley'd and thunder'd;

Storm'd at with shot and shell,

While horse and hero fell,

They that had fought so well

Came thro' the jaws of Death,

Back from the mouth of Hell,

All that was left of them,

Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?

O the wild charge they made!

All the world wonder'd.

Honour the charge they made!

Honour the Light Brigade,

Noble six hundred!

—Alfred, Lord Tennyson

The 600 came charging into sure-death because of a mistake by their leader.  For honor's sake, they asked not why they marched, but instead charged forward though totally surrounded by enemies.

Tiger Stadium, officially recorded as the loudest stadium in college football @130 decibels, is nicknamed: Death Valley. Here you are truly surrounded... by your enemy.

Its 10:20 on a saturday night

and I'm home alone. I opted to stay home alone tonight because I'm tired. I worked on my house with my family ALL DAY LONG till 7PM!!!!!! AHHH

But I've had a revelation tonight.

Like I said in my previous post, I've been debating the existence of God with someone for several days now. And I feel that both of us came well prepared with arguments. Neither of us agreed with a SINGLE THING the other said and TONIGHT the LORD spoke to me!

He said:

Jillien, you cannot argue me into someone's soul!  What are you doing???? You have to live, breathe, exist, eat, shower, work, write with my Spirit guiding you. You have to be my temple. You have to be the living Church, and they will see Me in you, as My faithful daughter.  Don't argue. Just LOVE!   Love others as I love you. 

Friday Fragments

--I've been in a charged debate with someone over the existence of God. Loving every minute of it and love how much thought this young man has put into his world. I hope to put more thoughts and different thoughts into it.


--I've been ridiculously busy trying to get my home sell-ready. Its a mess and dirty and needs a paint job and has so much work it doesn't even make sense.


--I've run out of books to read and am (-) this close to running to Barnes and Noble right now to pick one up! I've already packed up about a hundred books and feel like theres nothing left to entertain me.


--I'm wondering how much longer until I feel like I've got mothering down packed. When will I become the mother than I aspire to be?


--I can't wait for Church on Sunday. I've had to surrender my burdens to the Lord in the past, but right now it seems like I'm surrendering my whole life..... As a mother, friend, wife, writer, person, Christian. I need help with it all right now.


JM

So Sad but true

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Look at those slippers!!!!! oh goodness. I don't own slippers, but I have my own personal version of this :/

Haiku! New

This weeks theme: Chrysalis

My leafy green tomb

hugs me tightly as I sleep--

dreaming of new life.

Find out your love language!!!!

If you listen to K Love in the morning, I'm sure you've heard them talking about Love Languages.

Anyway... they've posted on the Lisa and Eric page, a quiz to figure out your love language. It is very powerful stuff to know! Imagine never feeling loved as a child because your family never wanted to hug you or cuddle with you--you never realizing that that was just not the way they expressed love, and them never understanding how important it was for you to receive affection through personal touch?!

Click Here to take the quiz and try to figure out the love languages of your family. It may just be the helping hand in making your children, husband, wife feel truly loved.

Here's my love language:

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Sunday Citar

To continue my recent theme of the Lion and the Lamb....

Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I were a wealthy man.

--Reb Tevye, Fiddler on the Roof

Backstory: Growing up every Sunday morning, my father would wake me up by playing records loudly, and Fiddler on the Roof was especially his favorite. We lived in a very small house (they still live in it actually), and any sound echoed through its small halls. Well after he'd successfully wake me up with the Yibby dibby dibbies I get up and head to the living room (2 steps out my bedroom door) and see my mother, father and grandmother already dancing in the living room. I'd come out and dance with my family until it were time for the women to cook and my father to work outside and for me to do whatever small children do... probably go from mother to father to grandmother annoying them as they try to work.

Its been a while since

I've posted about my celebrity crushes ahahahha.
Here's your chance to roll your eyes and try not to yack up breakfast:

Well I've recently lost all affection for my previous love Russell Brand due to his recent engagement to the female artist I loathe don't enjoy very much: Katy Perry.

I've no one to replace him with in my heart, so I figured I'd bring out an oldie but goodie:
Enrique Iglesias. You're welcome ladies!





To the gentlemen, who never seem to be allowed to have crushes, feel free to comment on the leading ladies you love the most.  

JM
Post Script:Isn't that funny how wives and girlfriends can have celebrity crushes, but are completely indignant toward our men if they admit to a crush.