Haiku.... yes please

Today's Topic: Aftermath

I am left reeling,

After this long year of changes,

After the growing,

After the living,

After so many goodbyes;

I begin anew--

With much better friends

And all of my family--

minus a couple.

This year I have learned
Many harsh lessons of life.
Stronger, I've become. 

From this point forward
I promise to allow God
to help me improve.

Ridiculous Wednesday!

Like Twins RIGHT?!???!?!

Tan Much??!?!?

You're Welcome!

Fuming!

I am realistic when it comes to relationships.  Be them friendships or family or anyone really. I have full faith that there are people brought into your life to help you grow, to teach you something about life or of yourself or of others... Basically there are many reasons that the people in your life are meant to be there. But that doesn't mean that they have to REMAIN in your life. Sometimes friendships end. Sometimes bonds are broken. Sometimes those breaks are gradual and soft. Sometimes they are harsh and painful. But it happens. It's meant to happen.  I can forgive and move on while still not incorporating that person intimately into my life again.

But its those people that so obviously have a problem and yet they deny, they sugarcoat, they avoid, they ignore..... you. They are spineless. They are two-faced. They are weasels. They are hurtful.

I can respect a person who has an issue with me and tells me and at the end of the day we know where we stand. I cannot respect a person who has an issue with me but doesn't tell me and at the end of the day I have no idea what's going on and why.

What my daughter says....

Lee: Ugh! It stinks in this car!
Lia: It doesn't stinks... You stinks....

Mother of the year award goes to.......

Thank you! You like me you REALLY like me :)  Here's the awesome event that earned me the nomination....
Because I'm forever the living embodiment of patience, grace, and understanding whilst in front of my daughter-- I could have in no way totally freaked-out had a disagreement over the phone with my husband.... Okay so maybe I did, and here's why!

He took my check book without telling me! Which means that hours later when at the check out counter with a basket full of groceries/presents/gift wrap for Christmas I had NO MONEY. Nothing. And if that has ever happened to you, you must know that 1. the check out lady is not at all happy with you 2. the rest of the people in line are VERY unhappy with you 3. I'm embarrassed and furious for being in this situation

WHere is it?!??!!? Where did I put it?!?!?!? It was in here yesterday!!!!!! (I think to myself) Then like a light bulb turned on in my mind.... I call my husband.

DO YOU HAVE MY CHECK BOOOOOK!!!!!! (yes) WHY DIDN'T YOU FREAKING TELL ME YOU TOOK MY CHECK BOOK OUT OF MY PURSE. I'M AT TARGET. WITH NO MONEY....

It goes on. I'm not proud.

So the genius that I am.... I travel down to a branch of my bank that happens to be just down the street. I grab cash, head back to Target, and THANKFULLY the cashier had suspended my purchase. I paid and was out of there. That wig out spectacle seemed a little overblown after that, I must admit.

That night, while putting Lia to sleep, we start our prayers.  Mine were the usual: thank you for my beautiful daughter.  Hers had a twist... It wasn't the usual: thank you for my toys. Instead tonight she said: Thank you for mommy's check book.    !!!OH MY!!! I was laughing and embarrassed all over again.

Buzzzz

The numbing, blurring, holiday-induced daze
has me in a tight embrace.
I've discovered new and effective ways
to spend money at a dizzying pace.

Fortunately for my husband,
who works hard day in and day out
I've not had to borrow or lend;
But of what so far spent--I've long lost count.

Not Me Monday --Sunday edition

I most certainly did not forget to bring my wallet with me to Church on Sunday. So that when we all went to lunch afterward I had NO reason to borrow money from my friend to pay for my husband, my daughter, and myself. That would be just too inconsiderate. Totally unlike me.

Deciding to drop my husband off at home afterward so that I could pick up my wallet and then go shopping with my friend was a brilliant idea. So of course I didn't mess it all up by dropping Lee off and then forgetting to pick up my wallet for the second time that day.

And because I'm always on top of things... It did NOT take me until we were at Target doing last minute Christmas shopping to realize I did not have my wallet once AGAIN!

Nope. Not me. 


And like always... one for the road:
I do not insist to leave my notebook at home instead of taking it to church with me. So that every week when I go to mass, I do NOT have to write all my notes on the back of envelopes, receipts, and random little pieces of papers I find in my purse. I'm always prepared. 

My original Sunday Citar--lengthy and taboo

*saved as draft earlier today. Do you ever have a post that your afraid to publish? Ever wonder what people will think? Ever feel apprehensive that some may not like what you've written. Earlier in my blogging life I had no apprehensions. I typed and published. Now I feel a little more nervous. should i feel this way? I dunno. Well  I said to heck with judgements. and here is the post...* 

Some quotes from author Christopher Moore's books (previously alluded to here)

"I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something."
— Christopher Moore (Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal)


""You see," I explained to Joshua, "what Joy is doing is ironic, yet that's not her intent. That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm."
"No kidding?" said Josh.
"Why do I waste my time with you?""
— Christopher Moore (Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal)



"Cofishes--other fish in a group, coworkers, cohorts, etc. Shut up, it's a word."
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)



"Sarcasm will make your tits fall off."
— Christopher Moore (Fool: A Novel)


His books have made me literally laugh out loud. They are crude and perhaps many will find them offensive. But although his protagonists are lewd, vulgar, and even immoral at times, he finds a way to portray them so endearingly that you can't help but laugh and side with them in all things.  I wouldn't recommend these books to some because of the rated R writing... and its totally understandable how one may be sensitive toward some topics he touches upon in his novels. But for those with a little tougher hide, these books are beautiful. His characters are down-to-earth and charming and worth the read. 


Here's his author description for his novel: Christopher Moore began writing at the age six and became the oldest known child prodigy when, in his early thirties, he published his first novel. Chris enjoys cheese crackers, acid jazz, and otter scrubbing and lives in an inaccessible island fortress in the Pacific.


And if he doesn't sound like your cup of tea... no worries... After I finish his novel "You Suck" a vampire romance, I'm reading Parenting with Love and Logic. My husband is currently reading it, and he is really enjoying it. It is a stern, honest and Christian perspective on parenting. 

Sunday Citar

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it. --CP Snow

The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it. --Al Batt

And a few funny ones for the road

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth. --George Bernard Shaw

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. --George Burns

My fragmented Friday

Not sure how true to Friday Fragments this post will be, but I have a very fragmented Friday ahead of me. I'm currently blogging while my daughter enjoys her breakfast and some Imagination Movers....

***I've fallen in love with another author. For a long LONG while I spent all of my reading on the Brilliant, talented, amazing, scruptious writing of Neil Gaiman---Stardust, American Gods, Anansi Boys, Good Omens, Fragile Things, Smoke and Mirrors.......etc (even his children's books ie. The Graveyard Book! excellent) Well when i reached the point where i had read all of his novels and his short stories and most of his poetry, I decided it was time to try a new author-And can you believe I found a new love! CHRISTOPHER MOORE ( not that guy who makes those controversial movies...) This Moore wrote Lamb: the gospel according to Biff, Jesus's childhood pal, Fool, Fluke;or I know why the winged whale sings.  Now I've only read Lamb and Fool so far, but he has captured me. 

**I will continue on to read some more of his stuff and let you know what I think!

***Ugh I watched MTV the other day and was disgusted by the portrayal of women and the treatment of women by the male stars of their shows.  Those Real World/Road Rules challenges are getting grotesque.  The men have no respect for women.  The ladies(loose interpretation for the women on those shows but still!) are ridiculed, teased, cursed at, humiliated.... its revolting.

***My daughter got married this week.... she's three! She describes her husband differently every time. Originally he was black and wore black clothes, and they had met in New Orleans.  Then he was pink with pink eyes but they still met in New Orleans.  Now he's shifted into Prince Eric (from The Little Mermaid) 

She cracks me up! :D

Quotes of Late

Lee: If my friends ever found out, I would be humilified

Jillien: Cmon Lia..Lets go to the *stutters* pum... pum... potty. 

Lia: pum pum potty. pum pum potty. 

Lia: I have a husband.. He's pink... I met him in New Orleans.


Bueno: Hey! Watch out Swirvey McChange Lanes.

Haiku! (a day late)

This week’s theme is: Guilty Pleasure?

SaraLee Pound Cake,

I am forever tempted

To eat all of you!

And by all of you

I mean every package made--

And all by myself.

Too much?

and if you don't know what I'm talking about.... you've never ever visited this blog before this moment.

Lee's Response to my poem: Somewhere between then and now.

Could it be the imaginary-words locked in the scope of two minds?
Could it be the usual-emotive moments that are withheld in secrecy?
Could it be a wishful bond that never gets the chance to connect?
Something might be gone soon.
It is the generic disguise that will surely make this a mystery.

Somewhere between then and now

It may all soon be gone.

The never-words stifled in our throats.

The rare-emotive moments closed forever.

There may never be another opportunity

For me to hear what you never intended to say.

Christmas Tag-along

My friend, Kelly over at My Voice My View, tagged me to play this fun Christmas meme. Bring it on!!!


Have you started your Christmas shopping? I'm almost there. I've got everyone but my parents, in-laws, husband, nephews, sister and grandma.... HmmMmMmMmMmM Okay I'm a lot less prepared than I thought!

Tell me about one of your special traditions. None. My parents are NOT the celebratory type. We barely even had a real tree most Christmases... did you read my post about the Christmas branch?!?!?

Are you a Black Friday shopper?  I went out on Black Friday and spent a fortune. Nothing I wanted was on sale! I'm the worst shopper ever.

When do you put up your tree?  I put it up the week after Thanksgiving. But i still don't have a full size tree. I have a forest of miniature trees that I've been collecting. All about a foot tall... Some fiber optic... Some with little ornaments... Some that I have to water!

Do you travel at Christmas or stay home? I travel but not too far. I live in Baton Rouge and we drive down to New Orleans where are families still live.

What is your funniest Christmas memory?  My mom was the only one that was home that Christmas morning. When I woke up, I had a bunch of little gifts: stickers, temporary tattoos, jacks, etc... My mom and I spent christmas morning playing jacks and putting silly tattoos all over me.  Years later i learned that my parents had been really low on cash and the night before Christmas my mom was hysterical because she had no presents for me. She went out to the Dollar General and got all those little gifts for me. Turns out I loved them more than the nintendo, bike, jackets, money that i would receive in the years to follow. 

What is your favorite Christmas movie of all time? I love those claymation movies.... The Rudolf one and the one about the elf with the big ears.... 

Do you do your own Christmas baking? What is your favorite Christmas treat?  I bake all year round.  I'm in a constant state of baking. It will be just another day of baking. I like to make rugelach... Ina Garten has a great recipe!

Fake or real tree? Fake! Less money in the long run. Although in LA they use the Christmas trees as a wetland preservation tool.

What day (as a mom) does the actual panic set in to get it all done? Christmas eve. lol I work well under pressure

Are you still wrapping presents on Christmas Eve? Absolutely

What is your favorite family fun time at Christmas? Opening presents

What Christmas craft do you like the best? Oh my goodness... I'm not crafty at all :(

Christmas music. Yes or no, and if yes, what is your favorite song? I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas music.  Favorite song "O Holy Night!" 

When do you plan to finish shopping?  By Christmas eve--definitely hahahah

Gotta Tag it along now:

Jessica

Amy

Nessa

Football Fans?

Well down in Louisiana there are TWO teams that matter, and they are: The Saints and the LSU Tigers!

Now I was born and raised in New Orleans Louisiana. Went to grade school on the west bank in a Catholic co-ed school. Went to high school on the west bank in a Catholic all girl school. Went to college on the west bank in a Catholic private college.... And down on the West Bank--We are Saints Fans!

There are some details you need to know about the Saints before you follow on with the post... The Saints, since the dawn of the franchise, have been losers.  We've never won a Super Bowl... hell we've never won a championship game at all.  We've been close---but never ever have we been winners... that is Until NOW!

Now the Tigers on the other hand, have won THREE National Championships. Have won countless bowl games.... They are truly winners.  Its easy to be a Tiger fan. 

It takes work and dedication to have been a Saints fan. 

I moved to "Tiger Land" Baton Rouge back in 2006... So these past 3 years have given me a respect and love for the Tigers. But the team closest to my heart have always been and will always be the Saints.   

If you follow football you MUST KNOW that the Saints and the Colts share a record of 13 games won with NO loses this season.  That is REMARKABLE.... Not because its 2 teams undefeated, but because the Saints are one of those 2 teams.  

but you better believe that New Orleans the city and the fans within that city and state, for that matter, are the absolute most ENTHUSIASTIC fans on the planet.   (Ever been to an LSU tailgate?  Trust me all of Baton Rouge packs up and travels the USA whenever there's a game.) Football is no joke in Louisiana. 

So if you want a taste of the songs/poems/videos being spread around this incredibly exciting season... here they are!!!!!

To the tune of "Grandma got run over by a reindeer":

"Falcons got runover by the Saints, dear, playin' down in Georgia Sunday eve. You can say there's no such thing as gris-gris, but as for us Who Dat's, we Believe. And we are all so proud of Drew Brees. He's been leading us so well, and we all can't help but wonder, how much ice is building up right now in hell..."

To the tune of "Let it snow":

"Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the Saints are so delightful. and the Redskins they helped us go 12 and Oh, 12 and Oh, 12 and 0h!"

 ♫ ♫ City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in black and gold style, in the air there’s a feeling of winning….. Who dats passing, we’re all laughing, this is Drew’s big scene and on every street corner you’ll hear…Super bowl…Super bowl….It’s Super bowl time for this city ….ring a ling, who dats sing…. Saints marching on Super bowl day! ♫ ♫

Not me monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I usually have a ton of things that I've not done, but I have been having a writing rut. So hopefully these couple of things will inspire me for more writing....

~I did NOT lose the belt to a hundred dollar dress. As a result I absolutely did NOT substitute a belt with a long black bra strap, and then wear it out to a baby shower, where I'm sure everyone no one noticed!!
~I've NOT put off cleaning my house since I threw a Pampered Chef party at my home last Thursday evening! That would be HORRIBLE and totally uncharacteristic of me. 

Haiku! My specialty

This week's theme: Spirit of Giving

You chubby old elf--

Threatening my Sanity

And my bank account,

Give me back Saint Nick!

Take your Black Friday maddness.

I will give more Love.

Disgusted--A truthful Tuesday

I admitted to a friend of mine yesterday that I'm disgusted with the consumerism of  Christmas. Because this was my first Christmas, I suppose it was my first time really witnessing how disgusting everyone is around the holidays. It's kind of like, "It's Christmas..... give me an ipod." "I've just gotta buy this video game console soon because Christmas is coming!"

You do not deserve any gifts just because it's Christmas. Everything that you receive is truly an unearned novelty. 
The children at our public library were filling out their lists to santa... and just the fact that there was a list of shit that they wanted grossed me out.  So I modified Lia's, and it read Dear Jesus instead. I made Lia dictate what she was thankful to Jesus for.  Here were some of her thoughts:

1. Thank you for "night time and the stars and my bed."
2. Thank you for "play."
3. Thank you for "presents and owen's presents and princess presents."
4. Thank you for "food."

I'm trying to instill in my daughter a sense of satisfaction. I know she's very young and may not completely understand, but it is so important to me. I guess by telling her I'm reminding myself because it is so easy to get into that mindset that the world owes you something. I'm owed a set of earrings... why ?!?! because its CHRISTMAS! Why else?! 

I feel sort of a like a grinchy beotch when I say these types of things. Really there are two sides to every story, and TRUTH be told I have always been in-love with Christmas. I Love the music, the feeling, the colors, the lights, the ideology. 

So if you want to know....

What do I want for Christmas????

I want to be a better mother. I want to be a beacon of faith and understanding for those around me.I want to be wiser with money.  I need prayers and guidance for Christmas.  I need more Jesus. 

I hope that all of you have a very happy Christmas--filled with family, friends, food, gifts, and cheer. There is something to be said about a gift that comes from the heart with the very intention of making you smile. That thoughtful little something that was just perfect, and which came from a person so intent to make you happy that they struggled over finding the right thing! That is beautiful. That is Christmas.  

Find yourself dancing all night and day?

Retreat

I've never been this overwhelmed with desire to be alone in a very long time. And not an hour upstairs where I still hear the chaos of family life echoing through the halls. Not alone but with constant interruption. Not alone but with the ever present sentiment that soon I'll have to reemerge and be mommy and wife and whatever the hell else I can be assigned.

I mean detached, private, personal, no-rush kind of alone. I-want-to-be-only-Jillien kind of alone.

It is the only thing I miss from my former life as a single, non-mother---my ability to escape and isolate myself. I need that kind of time. It is imperative to my nature.

Why right now? I have no clue. maybe because my daughter has been on vacation all week and my days and nights have been spent in her company and in my husband's company. Tomorrow she returns to school-even if it is only 3 hours. Perhaps I'll be over it after I've receive that break, but man I'm in dire need of it right now.

it has arrived.

I know I should be tired--I'm just not. It's cold outside, but it does not slow me down. It wouldn't dare. I ignore the crispy caresses of this new winter breeze. I have no shoes, and my running is causing painfully sharp pebbles to effectively pierce into my feet. No stumbling. Keep running. Its dark, and if a car were to turn the corner, there'd be no way for the driver to see me. Instant smash. This is a risk I'm willing to take. I'm almost there. Just around the bend. In the pitch, I see the tall metal box that holds my happiness. Wrapped somewhere within, it is waiting. Impatiently, I slow down and carefully assess this maddeningly organized set of locked boxes. The key. I hold the key that opens the one door. No stumbling. Keep searching.  Yes! It's open. Yes! It's in there. Stuck. How was this impossibly large package shoved into this ridiculously small nook? Dig. I force my cold hands into the small space and dig. I rip. I pull. I curse. I still feel the brisk wind on my face. My feet are still bare on the cold cement. My hands... My hands are scrapping against the metal sides.  My hands are pulling against the wrapping.  My hands hurt. It moves! I keep nudging. Finally, it is free! I hold it close to my body. Giddy. I'm giddy as I make the run back.  Running faster than before, in my impatience to hold it comfortably. All alone. I wish to be all alone with it. Its mine. The treasures it holds within its spine. The secrets it has kept from me. The nights and days I've spent pining are over.

Quotes of Late

C: "If Lexis made a mini-van, I'd drive that too-- you DDS asshole!

Lee: Happy day, Turkey.

Subway lady: "And who are you??!!? Cuz I know you ain't his WIFE!

Jillien: "No attitude. It was more like.... I give up."


Wanna read past quotes of late? Click Here :)

Wanna know a secret?

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I've never decorated for Christmas. 

Even growing up, the house was never decorated for Christmas.  Most years my parents would just plug in this one-foot-tall fiber optic tree, and that would be it. Some years we would actually buy a tree, but our family has actually celebrated several Christmases with a "Christmas Branch" that my dad found in the yard.... yup.

I have a three year old, and this is perhaps the worst year to decide that THIS IS THE YEAR. I am GOING to decorate for Christmas. I will learn how to string lights on a tree. I will hang stockings. I will do it all. 

Last year after Christmas, I hit Walmart and bought lights and everything else I could get my hands on, but there were no ornaments, christmas cards, or trees. 

So I have been looking around for an affordable tree, for ornaments, and for someone to teach me how to do the whole thing! 

Anyways, I suppose I don't know when is a good time to start decorating, but I do know this is my year :)

Yes Oscar. It is very important to be Earnest.

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891, preface

I have always claimed to be uniquely dualistic. I suppose I am not as unique as I once thought. This quote describes my exact feelings toward my own morality in relation to the literature I read and love. If a book, poem, short story, etc. is well written and moves me, I will cherish it. But it can in no way sway me from the very clear boundaries of my faith.


I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.

Oscar Wilde

Simply put. I do this very thing every time I write. It goes from proof to proof, through edit and edit.

I have read almost everything Oscar Wilde has written. He makes me laugh and think and yearn. I love his work. Almost every line he has written is quotable, and these are just a couple out of the dozens of his lines that have been ingrained eternally in my being, as a writer.

Have you a writer who has inspired your work? or who continues to surprise and enthrall you even after hundreds of times reading his/her works?

Yours

I fell in love with you
a little--
again.
Its funny,
Honey,
How your smile
Never fades
Even after days
And months
Have passed me by.
Goodbyes
Most every time
We say hello.
There we go--
Again.
Right at the end.
The punctuation:
An exclamation
Mark.
But the end
Nonetheless.
Just another waking dream
But with less of a gleam
And less love it would seem.

JM

Delve

In another writing rut

On command.

I need to tap into my muses mind

On command. 

No patience or desire

To be left behind.

To have to wait

For my will to take

What is rightfully Mine.

Talks With Toucans

Here's my little Indian Native American ;-) at her preschool Thanksgiving celebration!

Who am I?

There once was a girl named Jillien,
with hair dyed several shades of vermillion.
She partied night and day--
Wasted her money away
Not realizing true friends are one in a billion.

There then was a lady named Jill,
who met a young man and decided to chill.
It went a little farther.
They delivered a daughter.
Now she's up to her elbows in bills.

There now lives a woman named Jilli
Who never grew out of being silly.
She dreams of far off places,
While blogging and checking myspaces.
She reads and she writes at her will-y.

Delve

Opportunities

Analisa at A Word to Take Away spoke Truth in this Incredible Post(<--click to read)

I have been offered an overwhelmingly amazing opportunity, but like always when faced with challenges, I'm beginning to feel the nerves.

Can I live up to the expectation?

Will I succeed or disappoint?

Can I do this?

Analisa's words convinced me that YES of course I'll succeed because I have faith that the LORD will deliver all the tools I need in order to thrive! Yes, I can do this. Yes, I will be challenged and pushed to limits, but it will reveal the depths of my character and the depths of the LORD's power and love.

Upon finishing a book

Been staying up late every night
Just trying to finish you.
I'm exhausted...
Actually, I'm quite the opposite.
I'm overflowing with words,
and images,
and thoughts,
and horrors,
and victories.
I know its late,
But I've got an unread romance novel
Collecting dust on my overfilled book shelf.
Should go to sleep,
But knowing me, I'm most
Probably going to keep reading.
I'm not exhausted...
I'm quite the opposite.

Twas Not Me

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Growing up my parents would always say there was a phantom that lived in the house whose name was "Not Me."

"It was Not Me" I would claim whenever things would go missing or mysteriously break... Considering I am an only child, a strange phantom child who wreaked havoc upon our household was the only LOGICAL explanation.

So thanks to MckMama, I'm able to tattle-tale on Not Me once again....

Here we go!

I certainly did not wait until an hour before an expected visitor arrived at my home to begin cleaning frantically all over my downstairs.  

The upstairs living area is in No Way completely closed off to all guests because of its tremendous mess and dirt and chaos.

I totally did NOT forget to peel off the wallpaper in my bathroom that read "Looking for a good time? Call Flora Nemetz... Lord knows everyone else has!" before my IN-LAWS paid us a timely visit on Saturday. That would never ever have happened.

And finally... I did not purposefully forget to mention to my parents that we got a cat because I didn't want to hear all 4 of them nag at how dirty, expensive, needy being a pet owner could be. I would NEVER be so sneaky!

Well there you have it... Poor Not Me has struck again!

Sunday Citar: Banter

The Taming of the Shrew

PETRUCHIO Come, come, you wasp; i’ faith, you are too angry.
KATHARINA If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
PETRUCHIO My remedy is then, to pluck it out.
KATHARINA Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies.
PETRUCHIO Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting?
In his tail.
KATHARINA In his tongue.
PETRUCHIO Whose tongue?
KATHARINA Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.
PETRUCHIO What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again. Good Kate; I am a gentleman. (2. 1. 209-219)

This is one of my favorite dialogues in any of the Shakespeare plays. Petruchio is always one step ahead of Kate. She rants and rakes at him, yet he continues to jest and allow her insults to simply bounce off leaving him unscathed. Lee reminds me of Petruchio in that respect. Although I'm usually one step ahead of his wit, he is impenetrable by my insults. We make a good Shakespearean romantic lead.

JM

The Juice Joint

This is me dancing the Charleston during the dance contest at the Juice Joint.

I hosted a Murder Mystery party at my home a couple of weeks back... yes this was after a month FULL of birthday parties I planned for my daughter, which totaled 3 parties for a 3 year old!

Anyways it came out wonderfully, and we all had a blast! Here are some highlights!

Pressed

I'd think you'd fit just right--
Pressed up against me.
Barely sleeping this one night;
Tracing my body by clutching tight.

Friendship

"Wine from the Mists of Arbor"  Bueno

Friendship is such an incredible thing.  

One walks around life completely alone in his or her mind. All thoughts are encompassed within one, sole consciousness. And then the Lord gives us speech, in order to communicate those thoughts to others around us.  And we do.  We speak to an innumerable amount of people in our lifetimes, but there are only a few who communicate back in such a way that they reach the very core of our souls. Perhaps that person makes you laugh like no one else can.  Or gives counsels that touch your heart like no one else's can.  

And those few are given the distinct honor of being one's friend.

What is it?

"But I have never for a moment wavered in my belief that we would make each other very happy, and I swear to you, with my whole being, and no matter the circumstances, I do absolutely want you."

-Splendor, Anna Godberson

Ever want something so bad that no matter what has happened to that something or someone... you'd take it anyway.

Love can be a tricky little thing--at times its easily overlooked, ignored, denied, repressed, suppressed... but desire is so intensely simple that it's almost impossible to ignore. It rings in every fiber of your body. Desire consumes all thoughts. You fight against the impulse to just spring and take it.

Ever look at something and think, "I do absolutely want you."

My daughter has that look when she sees candy. My husband and my father share that desire for chocolate. Some, I'm sure, look at cars.... and others, I'm certain, look at people.

Whitney Update

I begin and draft so many updates about my lil bro without ever posting a single one.

Its probably because his life is ever changing. One second he's 12 years old sitting on the couch next to me talking while I'm watching TV... the next he's moving away. In a blink of an eye, he's in high school.... I take a breath and he's graduated. And now Whitney's in his first semester of college and preparing himself for boot camp! How is this possible?! How is he so adult and grown? Who am I that my little Whitney is a man?

Frantically I awaken and drowse.
Up and down--in my incompetency.
Why is this damn house never clean?

quotes of Late

Lee: Why does we always have to till someone comes over, before we clean the house?

Jillien: which one, the velopciraptor?

Mommy: I wants it.

Bueno: Customers can drink the water from a fountain of his tears. Where else would the water come out from??? His ears? No, eyes are better. 

Back Home

I live a mere hour and a half from my hometown... less than 2 hours to venture to the house that I spent 21 years living in. 

Why does it take such a push to get me to go? Why does it feel like I'm uprooting my life by just going down the road for a couple of hours. 

I need to lighten up. Just enjoy the drive. Enjoy technology... Enjoy the rain... Enjoy my perfect daughter....

I need to start enjoying more. So since i'll be away to NOLA for a few days here's this awesome clip....

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOzNrO54xsY <<<------totally worth clicking

Guilt

Is keeping me up tonight.

Ever say something, you had no business saying? Ever repeat someone else's business when it wasn't your place? My goodness do I have no freaking self control?

My 3 year old is in her second year of preschool and from the start it has been a bumpy road.
-connecting with the teacher
-feeling comfortable with the extremely regimented schedule
-doubting the effectiveness of the classroom environment

and at some point several of the mothers have voiced concerns about either the school, teacher, or their own child.

Who the hell am I to repeat someone else's concerns? I should be worrying about MY concerns, MY insecurities and doubts... I should be a supportive and trustworthy friend whom you should be able to entrust with your feelings and doubts. Do I have no self control that I feel the need to voice my opinion about everything? Am I that wise that I need to chime in on someone else's hardships?

The answer to those questions is: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Its disgusting. Even though I was speaking to one of my best friends and am able to confide in her wholly and thoroughly, it still left a bad taste in my mouth. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, but not all opinions are positive or encouraging or understanding.

And while I consider myself to be a supportive friend, it is also really difficult for me to hold my tongue when I think you're wrong. I always feel compelled to let you know that I think you're wrong. But that shouldn't be my place. As a friend I should support you when your wrong, celebrate with you in times of joy, mourn with you in times of sorrow, pray with you in times of hardship, and because of the love I have for you I should never voice any of those events to someone it does not concern.

This berating on my peace is my conscience lashing out--Teaching me a lesson to respect and put into practice the qualities of a good friend. I will take this and learn from it. I will be more thoughtful of my words and feelings--immediately putting in check any feelings or opinions that are not positive or helpful. I should be a fountain of living waters not a pit of self-gratifying opinions.
Amen

These Dark Seas

My small boat sways acutely on the dark blue seas. Tumbling the marbles of uneasiness within my unsettled stomach.  The winds are warm but bitter and smart the skin on my face. There is no light but that which dimly blinks from ages above-- just ancient light sifting its way through the hazy world onto these inky waters.  My throat is dry and feels swollen almost shut.  Swallowing is terrifying. My sticky wind pipe threatening to adhere to itself in one last rebellious stand against this oppressive, moribund shell I call a body-- closing air from my raw lungs forever. All the while, my small boat rocks. Drifting steadily toward an unknown target. Undulating me toward an unknown threat. How many more can I endure?

Delve

I betcha it feels like home

I betcha it will feel like home,
But the most unexpected kind of homecoming--
Considering you've never been there before.
It has only seized your mind.
It has only crept behind your lids at night--
Forcing you to dream never-before-seen places

And uncomfortably familiar faces.
Given the chance,
I'm sure you will take it.
The chance to jump ship
And sail away,
More like back away
Toward the unknown region.

Random Post Redux

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This is one of my many, ridiculous, and pointless One Act/One Scene plays... This one's from May of 2006 called Sad but Funny:

[There is a split stage; the two characters cannot see each other; Stage Right: Jillien sitting in her car talking to Lee who is on Stage Left: Sitting in his cube at work. They are on the phone with one another]

Jillien: [excitedly] Lee, guess what i did today that i haven't done in a REALLY long time, that it was starting to get disgusting. I'll give you three guesses.

Lee: Uhh I dont know.. you finally shaved your legs?

Jillien: [disappointed and amused at the same time] No i washed some clothes.

The End

Sunday Citar

"Do I dare disturb the universe?"
--Jerry Renault, The Chocolate War

Ever wonder if you only behaved the way you do because of an internal fear to mess up the norm, fear to rebel against the in crowd--against the drones? 

I do.  I always have impulses that seem to want to push me toward the "not so acceptable."  I've always been that way, and I suppose that is what made me into such a weirdo growing up. Don't get me wrong... I'm able to fit in at times, but with the forever present coating of strangeness mixed in.

my daughter's bubble party

I had a bazillion activities ready for this bubble party, but the 3 year old attendees were quite satisfied with the run around and make a mess activity.... So we kind of just left it at that! Lia had a blast, and that's what counts!