The winter sun in southeast Louisiana

I sit outside under the bright winter sun

I squint and shade my eyes with my left hand.

My jeans are wet from the unusually green grass. 

The warmth on my face is soft but exponentially increasing

No signs of winter --

Except for the slight edgy coolness of the almost still breeze.

My daughter in jeans and a t-shirt plays

With Crayola sidewalk chalk 

And picks wild flowers, a euphemism for weeds 

Growing in our backyard.

Occasionally I hear laughter from my neighbor 

Whose door is open and is keeping amusing company,

I suppose.

One feels guilty leaving this day.

These rare days, 

When one is taking in sun while others are shoveling snow.

But I escape into the dark and AC temperature-controlled house.

Blinds closed.

TV on.

Computer humming.

Now this is living.

Is it just me or does Hilary Duff look like a young Pamela Anderson?

Courtesy of my cousin, Jessica

Don't you think Katie Perry and Zooey Deschanel look identical?

One Act/ One Scene Play: Stups

Wife: You know when I call you "Stups" thats just a term of endearment... How do you even know it stands for stupid?

Husband: How about "You're an Idiot!" What does that stand for?

The End

Congratulations

Its early morning

and I'm still reeling from the wonderful news of last night.

My friend Amy's birthday party was last night, and to all of our surprise her boyfriend proposed to her after we sang happy birthday! 

It was incredible and totally unexpected on my part. 

Anyways I'm so happy and excited.

This is wonderful

My incessant wish: An ode.

Such

cool unwavering gentle impulses

like the foamy remnants of  a lazy retreating wave

that bid me, demand of me, call to me.

Just subtle nudges, 

infinitely small,

lost inside of a forgotten corner of my mind.

--Lingering in my heart

I am yours.

eternally-- a

never ending possession by you, of you, and with you. 

Giving blood

I am a huge chicken when it comes to being punctured with a needle. I have terrible anxiety... I flinch... I hesitate... I slap nurses' hands away...

Basically I'm terribly annoying.

Well today my sister in law Jackie, Lee and I went to donate blood for their friend's father. Even a good cause was not enough to prevent me from acting like a complete fool. But the deed was done and I've survived my first of many blood donations.

One Act One Scene Play: Hairy Harriette

[Wife is sitting at the computer looking at pictures of Julia Roberts with armpit hair.  Husband walks into room]

Husband: Ahh Thats disgusting... Why are you looking at that?

Wife: I don't know. I think its kinda funny, but you gotta think about it.  Why is it so horrible   for a woman to not shave her underarms?  I think I may try that out. Not shave my pits   for an eternity and then go to the gym and lift weights. See how people react.

Husband:  Women aren't supposed to be hairy.  

Wife: That's so ridiculous!

Husband: Look you can grow out a hair bush if you want to be the nastiest most disgusting of all time.

The end.

Whip Lash: Its all Amy's fault...

**NOTE**

My friend blogs as well, and she found this wonderful site that has blog backgrounds. I saw her super cute background and wanted one as well. BUT i haven't been able to stick to a certain background. There was something about each one that bothered me to no end. So I've changed my background an abundance of times. I'm sure if you've visited this blog before you've noticed how it rarely looks the same twice. 

I've settled on this one.  Get comfortable.

jm

Now Thoughts about Back Then

You are sitting down watching tele
or laying down waiting on Hypnos to bring you to his world of slumber
when your mind begins to wander.
And in the interlaced scrambling of vector thoughts,
you are triggered,
and almost immediately you are somewhere else.
Somewhere familiar
as if you had just left and were simply recalling the events of the day.
Your mind is oddly focused,
and you can almost taste and smell the intangible memory world.
This has happened before,
but then you could bring it all back.
you could close your eyes and escape into the past.
Time has elapsed now.
Perhaps too much time for this once concrete dream to manifest itself as anything more than a simple apparition.
Now you are struggling to feel what you once felt at the closing of your eyes
Back then it was all that you needed.
Just darkness
You welcomed the darkness.
Now you are reaching for it.
Brushing it with your finger tips.
It's too far now.
You resign to the loss.
You're eyes are open,
and the darkness that once materialized into other worlds
is now just the absence of light,
and you are alone in your room or chair.
You will try again,
but it will only become more vague.
Until the memory
regresses into hazy once-somethings
Until those hazy once-somethings
regress into nothingness.
And those one time now thoughts about back then
have ended, and you never even noticed.

Serenity at its creepiest

Gavin DeGraw was another interesting one. He was like a whimsical "faerie" He was so mellow and graceful. It was almost creepy. He spoke very softly and agreed with everything i said.

ONE ACT ONE SCENE PLAY

(Jillien and Her cousins are outside of the House of BLues. The night is incredibly foggy and humid. They're waiting to catch a glimpse of Metro Station, when out of the fog Gavin DeGraw appears.)

Jillien: (shouting) Is that GAVIN?!

[Gavin slowly walks toward the crowd of girls. He is almost floating and then within seconds he's right in front of their faces]

Gavin: [softly] Hello
Jillien: [hoots] Hi Gavin, can you sign this?

[she hands him her friends phone]

Gavin: Sure

[Gavin pulls out his own Sharpee marker out of his pocket.]

Jillien [commenting] Oh you brought your own marker

[Gavin chuckles]

Jillien: I saw you upstairs enjoying Metro Station.
Gavin: Yeah I was.
Jillien: I also saw those girls enjoying you... You must have been very flattered.
Gavin: I was I was
Jillien: I would have been flattered too if a bunch of hot girls were hanging all over me.

[Gavin gives a creepy calm smile]

Jillien: Can we switch markers?
Gavin: No.

The End

who's Mitch?!?

So me and my girls went to the night the B stole Christmas WHERE the Vettes performed and Lady GaGa, Metro Station, and Gavin Degraw.  

well the only band I had any vague knowledge of was The

 Vettes. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

We were very lucky to meet a lot of the Rock Stars. My baby cousin even got her hand grabbed by Trace Cyrus from Metro Station and she also leapt like a ballerina to catch his water bottle, WHICH SHE DID! awesome. 

We skipped out early to try to catch Metro Station going into their tour bus.  While we were waiting we saw the bass player of The Vettes hanging around outside, Mitch.  My cuz, Melissa, was going on about him ssooOoOoOOooOOOo much--- how he's her favorite. How he's the cutest one in the band.  And the truth is is that Mitch was definitely the friendliest and most humble of the Vettes, by far.  After he spoke to us for a while and returned inside the HOB, we were all mentioning how sweet Mitch was, whennn...... Melissa responded by saying: "Who's Mitch?!"

She had just gone on about how he was her love for over 5 minutes straight.  

Who's Mitch?  She asked like 4 times.  It was ins

ane.  Hilarious, but insane. 

>>>>>>>>>THIS IS MITCH, BY THE WAY.

At your dirt, Jillien

So my cousin and I have been doing the "next blog" excavation  of blogger's best.  We came across this very interesting blog.  Its simple. No reading. (unlike this blog; that I fear scares off most viewers by its ridiculous ramblings)  

Anyways: check it out:

CLICK HERE M F'ERS<---------------

It hurts

Why do i torture myself. I've rented Forgetting Sara Marshall for the 3rd time tonight under the "excuse" that my cousin hadn't seen it, but in reality i love to torture myself and watch the man of my dreams dance like a male stripper  on my tele.  

My cousin is in physical pain over her celebrity crush Trace; so we are comforting each other through this very hard time.

"I think sometimes: maybe if i had a boyfriend i wouldn't be so crazy, but look at you....You're married and have a child."

-wow-

Is this normal?

Is it normal to become completely obsessed with a celebrity?  I doubt that it is.  Reason being: that your over-fascination must be fueled by the hope that one day this person will find you and desire you... Even if it is only a tiny sliver of hope, it still exists.  Why else would one devote so much attention to the celebrity?

I am a sufferer of celebrityobsessivitis.  As of yet, I have not found a cure.  I have only found more youtube videos.  And i have to be honest, it's not helping.    I've even begun to start showing symptoms:   restlessness, dark circles under eyes, red dry eyes due to too much youtube/web surfing... Its horrible.  

If only russell brand or Georges St. Pierre would marry me!! ----NO NO i didn't mean that.  I'm worse than I thought.  My impulses are even externalizing themselves through my blogging. 

This is serious.  

If you or anyone you know has been cured of celebrityobsessivitis, please contact me.

----->click here to contact me directly<-----

no no that was the wrong link. Here ya go:---->click here!!!<----

You have just got to admit that he's so super hot when he talks french... 

Okay so i'm sure you've noticed. I watch a lot of youtube.   Its the cross I have to bear. 

Blue

Blue is not often a color I identify with.  I've decided to change my blog background because the last time i did i was inspired to write.  I searched through the ridiculous amount of templates before choosing this very blue background.  

You know when so much is running through your mind that you rather not bother to write it down or even to really vocalize it, for that matter.  That's how i feel. Its not that there is nothing to say but perhaps too much to say--too much to feel.

How fun life must be when spent completely superficially.  

First goal for the new year: be more childlike.

Second goal: try to form a coherent blog.  

AAHH

Oh my.

I have been so busy these past couple of weeks/days.  this has been the first weekend in an eternity that I haven't had any obligations.  No weddings no parties no performances.  

Next week, on the other hand, is a different story.  I have so much to do next week.  And can you imagine that my damn house is still dirty. Its incredible.  I can never seem to get ahead.  

Nothing witty

Nothing creative

Nothing really

to write.

Uninspired

Tired

too much

even to think.

Magnificat and Messiah

I've gotta learn the Messiah by saturday night! maybe i'll have time tomorrow when the cootie mama goes to school.  I'm kinda stressed/excited.  Plus i'm missing my rehearsal tonight i think. That makes me even more nervous.

My Little House

My house is very small, and the living area is further decreased by the amount of SHIT we have piled up in every room-- like we live in the baton rouge dump/junk yard.  I bet there's a small asian family living in our downstairs bedroom and we don't even know it BECAUSE there is so much stuff EVERYWHERE. I'm starting to go insane....

You know when something is so dirty you can't bring yourself to clean it. You rather throw it away than occupy your efforts to cleaning it. Well if i could throw everything in my house away and start over, my life would become so much more tranquil.  I'm thinking about applying to one of those tv shows that comes to your house and throws stuff away and helps you get organized. ANYTHING.  

Lee last night was talking about a yard sale, but that means we would have to organized all the stuff first. And we're back to the beginning.

Robert Pattinson cut his hair?!?!?!?!

---->Click here for the exclusive photo!<----


AAAHHH HAH! I've caught you! I too, like a true crazed and obsessed fan, searched to the far end of the internet and back for the elusive short-haired Pattinson. It's very existence is only a rumor. Like the Lock ness Monster or the Yetti, the short haired Pattinson is a rare and mystical creature attracting only the most devoted of Twilight fans. I cannot even speak of the horrors I came across during my expedition, just to return photo-less.

Empty thoughts

Have you ever sat on your ass so long that you've grown moss and almost turned to stone? I felt like that today. The only reason i got up was to gorge myself with more food. Oh by the way: Besides being a sloth, I'm a glutton as well. I figure those are a couple of pretty nice deadly sins.

Me in hell,"SoooOooO what you in for?"

Fellow Hellian: "uhh did a couple of lustings and 3 wraths."

Me, "Oh yeah... well I'm a lazy glutton."

Proud smirk on my face.

Its really very horrible. When will it end? I feel uninspired. I want to have the old lively vitality. I'm tired of feeling tired and bored. My poor daughter must be very bored with me too. Maybe its a phase...

I hope, cuz this is ridiculous!

Come Quick!

Sitting in traffic... half an hour till show time. Taking the long way! why the F* am I taking the long way?! Highland is packed with cars... I reckon all trying to get downtown... great just where I'M headed. the light turns green. no one moves. stale green... still no one moves. friend on the phone. "We're on our way right now." turns to me: "what am i gunna tell them when we show up late, 'Uh we were stuck at this green light forever!" When's anybody going to get going?? Maybe once the light turns yellow then red, cuz it seems that green isn't doing the trick.

Late night hysteria

Lee is reading on the couch. It is passed midnight. Jillien is also up but surfing the web. She gets up to join Lee in the living room. Something has popped into her head... A youtube video. Bonquiqui. She thinks "Don't interrupt... rude" Can't help but mess with Lee. She sits next to him on the couch and begins telling him, "I will cut you."--in her best Bonquiqui voice. Lee is always telling her that he thinks she's ghetto. So she brings it up. "Lee," she says in half giggles, "Ya know how you're always telling me that I'm ghetto and calling me Jillawanda?! Well when i was younger my friends used to say the same thing except they called me Shapatatweet." (pronounced: Sha- pah- tah-tweet) Lee starts laughing, "I think i like that name better than Jillawanda-- Shawahlatwat." Jillien hoots out, "Shawahlatwat?!?! How did you get shawahlatwat from Shapatatweet?!!"

Brilliance

I can listen
and learn.
Analyze
and Yearn.
For brilliance as fine
as yours.
Older and wise
Soft and slow
your words so weighted
lightly flow.
from your softly wrinkled lips
and shaky aged voice
I hear the brilliance
stemming from finely made choice-
es.
winces
long gilt fences
bursting wide
from your mind.
and I continue to search
and find.
Brilliance.

Busy as a Bee

My life has become so incredibly busy that it is almost impossible to blog about it ALL. some things i just find too long and too much to be able to type. Its funny because I'm a stay at home mom yet I do so much. Maybe its me. Maybe I'm the one that always FINDING things to do. Then I've loaded up my plate with a million tasks and feel full to the brim.

I've always been like that. In high school, in college, and now in married life. BUT i love that. I love feeling necessary-- feeling productive. I am not a stagnant person. I know many people who are in heaven when they have NOTHING to do. I am not that person.

Honestly, when i find time that is unoccupied. I sit in front of the computer and blog about the times that i was occupied. lol

Funniest Impersonation of me EVER

Lee and I were talking in the car about getting old:

Lee: "I'm worried about when i get old. You are so impatient when i get sick now. I can just imagine me all old and sick and you screaming at me 'You don't even know how to use your diapers right! I can't wait till you die!"

Jillien: Laughs hysterically

Baton Rouge Symphony Orchestra Chorus

Just a big name for: I sing opera in baton rouge.

Anyways, our first performance of this season is next thursday on the 20th. I would be really excited except for the fact that I'm not that sure of my parts. and I have this incredible girl who sits next to me during rehearsal, and when i lose my way i just listen to her and I'm back on track

(did you notice how many 'ands' I used in that very long sentence?)

Ok so, when we perform we are all mixed up. First Sopranos and tenors and basses and altos and second sopranos... everyone just mushed together. "It makes for a better sound" --they all say.

But Knowing me i'll probably start singing with the tenors then the altos then jump the sopranos before i realize that we had all stopped singing.

I'm in Love... again

so I'm sure most of you know that I'm head over heels in love with the UFC star, Georges St. Pierre.

But i've developed a new crush--- Russell Brand!

He's just the most charismatic, funny, cute, weird person ever. and I like him lots. You may have seen him in Forgetting Sarah Marshall but he has a new movie coming out with Adam Sandler.

Anyways, check him out. He's great.

Post Script: Has anyone other than me noticed that America really doesn't have much of a sense of humor. We're too sensitive and incredibly politically correct. Other countries aren't so uptight. Although, you think that america is liberated and free. In fact, we're all just equally MENTALLY oppressed with self taught bigotry and self-segregation. Its incredible.

Do you think I'm crazy?

Okay so here's a list of slightly unusual things about me:

1) I got really depressed when Obama won the presidency.

2) I freak out when people don't get my food orders right.

3) I arrange the glasses in my cupboard a certain way and if they are out of place i have to rearrange them.

4) I read obsessively until the novel i'm reading is done, which means i deprive myself of sleep and food and deprive others of attention and patience because I'm reading.

5) I practice before rehearsals lol (that one's fo' u Bryan)


Okay... So what's the verdict? Do you think I'm crazy?

I'm a total Contradiction

ok so obviously i formatted my blog. Well in doing so i was inspired to write something! so even though i said i had no words i wrote. lol

UltraViolet

So i went to a thrift store here in Baton rouge the other day looking for a crazy 80's looking dress to wear to a party.

Okay i don't know what its like in your city, but where i come from (westbank) everyone goes to the thrift store and most are really nice and clean and big and have great finds.

Well this was DEFINITELY not like that at all.

It was like the funkiest dirtiest place i had ever been into. Even the people that were in there were the freaking weirdest people in the world.

When i was checking out, this crazy looking man that was around 6 foot tall and smelled like rotten bootie crack came in looking all spaced out. A total looney bird. The old crazy woman in front of me with 2 of the direstiest children in america --They looked like they belonged on a pamphlet to sponsor children... anyways She turns-the old woman i mean-- and looks at this stinky crazy dressed man and says "oh look kids, a Pirate!"

I mean I was thinking "oh watch out kids, a pedophile"

Totally turned off. I have only found one decent thrift store in BR so far and thank goodness its the one right by my house. I'll stick to that one from here on out!

i've got nothing

still no words.

Post Script: My last post was supposed to be verse not prose. Although, I didn't format it so.

Prayer in Prose

Nothing more to say. So much typing these couple of days. So much arguing... Not much going my way. Hold on to faith and pray. I ask Mother Mary... You too are a mommy. Show, teach, inspire, charm me. Reach out your arms and hold me. But most of all love me. I beg--Holy Spirit send me your graces. Unlike King Solomon, don't let me fall on my faces. Send me wisdom... erase all traces- of impatience. I implore my heavenly father, Help me get through times. I know they getting harder. Help me be a better mother, daughter, wife and lover. You are my only hope. Its through you that I'll be able to cope. I beseech you Jesus. If anyone needs you... its us. No more words but you know what's in my heart and I know you won't let me fall apart. You will make me stronger. You will help me be a mother. You will guide me by your perfect example and on the devil, with you by my side, I will trample.

Whitney Update

Can y'all believe that Whitney's a high school SENIOR?!!? Incredible. Time goes by so quickly. Years have passed since he moved away. So many things have changed, BUT fortunately My lil Whitney is coming home. He's going to UNO for college!!! then to LSU (those are his plans) which means that i'll see him all the time. He's such a great kid. And so cute. he's got all the girls up north eating in the palm of his hand I bet!

thats when the spark came: an Ode to Cormier

open you up
slide my fingers over your cool, smooth
insides.

gentle but full of life
full of action and emotions
and anticipation.

i am eager
and that's when the spark came.

baking me into immobilization
searing me with anxiety.
can't pull away from you
day and night
i look at you
day and night i hold you in my hands.

Waiting to see your next
surprise
or enlightenment.
you have been my everything.
never want it to end
yet i don't want to slow down.


loved you from the moment i saw you
touched you
held you
opened you.

remember?
that's when the spark came.

great video

Accurate description

lee: u angry?! - cmon - you know u dont' get mad
unless someone wakes you up, takes your food, tries to give you a hug, or kiss, laughs at you - that is all

Pro-Life group

AWesome response to a woman who spoke about having control over her own body in regard to having an abortion:

"Look again...is that really your body to have "control" of? She may "have your cute nose" but it isn't yours. He may "have your eyes" but they don't belong to you. She may have 10 fingers, but that doesn't mean you have 20. "

Larry Mankins

One Act One Scene Play

[Husband and Wife laying in bed. It is night time--all is quiet, and each is reading a novel. Wife has something in her throat. She clears her throat repeatedly]

Husband: Why don't you get some water? I keep hearing you cough and its driving me crazy.

Wife: Okay I'll drink something... Yeah maybe that will help.

[Wife goes down stairs and gets a glass of water. She drinks and returns to bed and her book]

Wife: [clears her throat and then her stomach rumbles]

Husband: [growing impatient] Wow your body is jubilant tonight. Your throat is singing; your stomach is singing.

[Just then Husband's stomach growls loudly. Husband whips his head toward his torso]

Husband: Was that my stomach?

Wife: [cracks up laughing] that's what you get for being so crazy.

Recent Funny Quotes

Jillien: "Your ice is skin cold"

Melissa: "OMG and there's a Lizard on it and everything!"

Jillien: "keep my baby cousin's womanhood out of your vocabulary."

Chris: "I laugh at you."

Jessica: Talking about becoming Parish President... "I want to bring like more better stuff to Chalmette."

David: "Slava! Can I batushka you for a ride?"

David: "She's a dobleyst liar."

Jillien: "do y'all go home and sing love songs to each other... in opera?"

Talk about a "blast from the Past"

Okay so my last few entries have been about looking back and moving forward WELLLLLLL

This little bit of hilarity has just brought me back SEVERAL YEARS.

My very first blog was at geocities. You can check it out here if you'd like: click here.

If you look at the guestbook and go past all the freaky porno comments, there are comments from my friends that were just checking out the site. Its sooo funny. there are people that i don't even remember who they are.

its great looking at old jokes and crazy stuff i used to write.

Any ways...... I'm done.

Re-reading!

I've been reading posts from 2005 and 2006. Just browsing my old ass posts lol There was one saying something like "i really don't want to go back to school and have to stress over my gpa and all that jazz"

its funny reading this 3 years later. Having graduated summa cum laude and feeling lucky that I had the strength to go back semester after semester... even after all the shit that i went through. and finishing with my ONE DREAM successfully completed.

I wonder what i will dream of tomorrow. its strange once your dreams have come true. You feel this satisfaction that makes you slightly stagnate. what will i do tomorrow? Does it matter? I got all i wanted.

Its sooooo weird. I mean most of my young adult life consisted around graduating top of my class and having as much fun as i could manage in the mean time. I didn't really think beyond that. I know that sounds retarded, but nothing after that was really all that desirable to me.

SO NOW. i'm looking for a new dream. I new goal to make my life even more complete.

I wonder if Lia will be my next goal. --Making her life super successful. Hmmmm

It seems that way. She's my only care now. I'm over with. For a year while she was a baby and i was in school, my cares were shared between her life and my success. Now that I'm kind of out of the way all i think about is making lia brilliant and me getting in shape.


GRRRR now i'm just blabbing.

Peace easy pumpkin squeezy.

JM

Is it just me or does Ashley Tisdale look like a young Britney Murphy?

Cleanliness

I've always just been a super messy person. I think it stems from never having to clean my room as a child or from never having any chores. I was never obligated to clean a single thing. so now in adulthood, i struggle to maintain cleanliness and order. I envy my friends and family who always have everything in the proper spot and don't leave their socks everywhere and empty glasses and shit like that.

I'm so horrible. Like I'll clean all of the clothes but NEVER fold it or put it up. Isn't that terrible?! the only person in this house whose clothes I fold and organize is Lia's. But me and Lee's--never.

Maybe i need to go to a hypnotist. Have them create in me a clean freak. I would totally love that!

Wassahapaning

Bootcamp is totally kicking my ass.

I'm already sore and i only just got back less than 2 hours ago.

Is it just me or does Zac Efron look like a Young Jared Leto?

Facebook blog--cuz i feel it must be reiterated

Years ago blogs were the thing. before there were social networking websites like facebook and myspace there were blogs. everybody had something to say and a reader interested in that something. Now personal blogs are going away.

I've had a blog for years and for a while i neglected it. I had a kid and a house and a husband and school and problems and shit that prevented me from feeling like i had anything to say. but recently i've come back. I'm redeeming my blog. I'm writing and though i'm not as fluid as i once was; i hope that soon i'll get there.

At one point strangers and friends would come to my blog and read my life and comment and leave to pursue their own lives. Then people who were too involved began reading and i began censoring. Its a fine line. too much info or lack of self expression. anyways, i'm interested in blogging again--even if there are less people interested now. Even if there is no audience. it doesn't matter. Its mine. and i'll hopefully be able to keep it forever and have my youth preserved with my words. with my poetry and thoughts and criticisms and mistakes. I'll have that no matter who reads or doesn't read.

Performance

So I have a performance at the New Orleans museum tonight, but after screaming all night Saturday; i've lost my voice. At opera rehearsal on monday I would open my mouth and only air would come out. and still today i'm not sounding right. Unfortunately for me and for the audience i'm singing 3 songs. well butchering 3 songs is more like it :(

pray that some heavenly angel helps me through this performance. I'm usually very nervous when i perform here and so this will add to my anxiety. I hope i don't pass out. Maybe she'll let me read some poetry instead of sing. I'll be prepared for anything.

New Kids on the Block

So Saturday night- i went to the best concert of my LIFE. New kids on the Block =BABY! it was incredible! I would scream at the top of my lungs and shake my arms in the air, and my cousin, Melissa, who came with me would crack up laughing at me. And then 3 seconds later when Jordan would be dirty dancing--she would go hysterical!

Donnie is all man now! he's so hot. At one point they came out in the middle of the crowd and i almost jumped on peoples heads like they were lily pads just through desire to get to them.

I was telling my baby cousin how awesome it was and i told her that i doubt any other concert could compare with it. So she responded with "what about if Britney comes?"

And as AWESOME as Britney's concert would be. I wouldn't be screaming and hyperventilating if she were to take her shirt off. I would be totally turned off actually lol.

I've been to a lot of concerts. I've seen bands live, but nothing compared to this incredible show! THey still have tour dates. Get tickets and go b/c it is super awesome.

As a minority...

I feel like I have an advantage of looking at things with a clearer vision. I know that sounds strange,but give me minute and I'll explain.

So we're going through this very monumental presidential election. On one hand we have obama a democrat who supports abortion and other policies that I cannot support--also his past affiliations with black panthers and other outrageously racist black supremacists honestly scare me. And then we have this older white male who --for the most part-- offers everything i feel this country needs.

Now many people are voting for Obama because he's African American and other more educated people are voting for him because they believe in his vision for america. I just happen to be a Hispanic female who isn't supporting another minority because he's a minority, who happens to see the "reverse racism" all over the media.

THe other day they were showing clips of the presidential candidates being asked questions that they had difficulty answering.

As an American, I was particularly offended by one:

John McCain was asked "What have you done to improve the lives of African Americans?"... and of course as a testament that he's a racist--he had difficulty answering.

Now let me ask you if you honestly can say that this question is fair at all? What incredible responsibility to place on ONE MAN to improve the lives of millions of people, but not all people or Americans in general.. He had to put all his attention and effort to improve the lives of just African Americans.

Really what happened to "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what YOU can do for your Country. " Is it racists to reply. "What have African Americans done to improve their OWN lives?"

I'm tired of being Latino American. In reality I'm an AMERICAN. just plain AMERICAN. improve the lives of Americans--not hispanics or blacks or women. When are we going to just let it all go?

Its good to embrace your heritage and your ethnicity but to separate yourself from others based on it, is Un-American.

I'm so incredibly EXCITED

I really can't wait to see the Twilight movie. ALTHOUGH, as is obvious from the trailer, the movie is NOTHING like the book. I mean there are similarities, and by similarities I mean Names and places.

Here's the new trailer for your viewing pleasure.


Twilight HD Exclusive Trailer

Hilarious

This is from Fairly Odd Parents:

[Father and son talking. Father reminiscing about old times]

FAther: My dreams were shattered years ago.

Son: How many years ago?

Father: How old are you?



I don't care who you are...that's funny right der.

Can you believe that!

So I guess I don't learn.

Now I'm doing the offending. Gosh, I forget that there are people out there are more sensitive than me. I forget to check my words. I forget to have tact and class at times. Its insane.

When am I going to grow up?

Offenses

have you ever been offended by a person who wasn't trying to be offensive by his or her language? in a way when the person is NOT trying to be offensive it makes the offense that much greater BECAUSE it means the words are more connected with his or her perception of the truth.

if you could follow that, you truly have a genius mind.

Anyways: You can't help but feeling like you have something to do with that perception or assumption or negation.... Its hard to describe--other than asking yourself, why. Why would this person think this capable of you or normal for you.

One Act One Scene Play

[Husband and wife sitting at the computer looking at Husband's facebook profile]

Wife: Dude, you need to change that profile picture. Its like from 1098347 years ago.

Husband: OOhhh yeah lets make a couple of albums.

Wife: Okay, but first we need to change the profile picture.

[Wife chooses what she believes to be a great picture of Husband and uploads it as his official profile picture]

Husband: What the hell! Take that picture down. I look like I weigh 110 in that pic.

Wife: You weigh 110 right now.

[Wife chooses another picture that she thinks would be great as his profile pic]

Husband: What's wrong with you! You chose pictures that make me look like I'm on AIDS.

Butterfly Winds

out of my control
its been
out of my hands.
My butterfly wings started the wind
and now
I'm trapped in an endless spin.

Lia starts preschool

Depending on Gustav, Lia is scheduled to start Pre-k2 next friday. I'm so incredibly excited. I can't wait. I know its only 4 hours a day and they are going to fly by, but I can't express how much I'm looking forward to those 4 hours. The other parents were saying how sad they were going to be, and I felt slightly out of place with that sentiment because I'm the opposite. I'm relying on those few hours to retain my sanity. lol

Our family has really become involved this summer. We all have our activities that allow us to express ourselves. Lee has his triathlons, Lia has gymboree and now pre-school, and I have BRSO Chorus and my new work out regiment. But there are still things coming up. Still more opportunities. We're praying for success on these new endeavors.

TTWWWIIILLLIIIGGGHHTT: twilight twilight twilight!

i'm sooo addicted to the Twilight series of novels. Not only have I read all of the books, TWICE. I also read and watch everything the internet has to offer on the upcoming movie. Although, I am really disappointed that they've decided to delete/add/change some of the events of the book. I wish the author would have been more stern on the adaptation of her novel. Instead, I'm pretty sure that the movie will be more like: "loosely inspired by the novel Twilight". NONETHELESS, i'm still ECSTATIC!!!! I just looooove Robert Pattinson who is playing Edward Cullen. I think he'll be great. I've decided to provide you with 2 very hilarious twilight spoofs. They'll only be funny if you've read the books. So if you haven't please take a moment to read them and catch up.... do do do do do do do dum dum dum do da do da... that should be enough. And now for your viewing pleasure!

i think it's apparent that we miss each other

Light as air
But like gentle gravity's pull
Time has shown us where
And how our lives have fared.

Walking separately
Yet we both have remained
the same, although changed
by playing life's game.

Do you have the strength?

Would you have the strength to see someone's email up on the computer screen and NOT read it? Not feel the urge to scan through the intimate thoughts of others?

Or do you think its your right to read b/c if the thoughts were so personal why were they up for anyone to read?

How does this work?

If you ask me, I don't think one should EVER read someone's emails or letters without permission. It is such an invasion. Plus things can get misconstrued. Thats the way wrong assumptions rot the mind. Its ironic that I blog. I allow many personal thoughts to be read by complete strangers, but at least that is my intention. My emails are not intended to be read by anyone other than the addressee.

JM

All Together now

Its strange how slowly yet intensely life can pass without your awareness. Lately my anxiety has been growing. I didn't realize how intense it had become until it was suddenly relieved today. Just a simple phone call from a friend and a loving visit from my beautiful cousin last night released the mounting pressure. It also hasn't helped that this week has been an endless distraction from life due to the twilight books. I started the first book on Monday. Its saturday night and i'm over half way done the last book. It has been an intense reading week. Unfortunately for my family, when I begin reading it is hard for me to pull myself away, and then I find myself doing nothing but reading. I don't eat. I don't sleep. I just read. I'm thanking God that I'm almost done, and by next week I'll be able to concentrate on Lia the way I should be. I'm feeling better now.

Recent Pictures

Overwhelmed

I keep breathing in and out
yet the air can't seem to satisfy,
and the harder i try
the harder it is
to breathe in again--
ya dig?!

Trying to remember
that its all gunna be alright--
is not working right now
I need space;
get out my face!

I love you,
but I can't.
I need you,
but not right now.

Just a place to call my own,
and come out when I'm ready.
In a minute- in a day-- in a week
maybe a year
but still
without it
I'm overwhelmed.
Under appreciated
Un loved
and out of patience
ya hear!

Help me
I'm sinking.
I'm falling
I'm drowning
In my own anger
at what seems so small,
to me right now is so large
so big--
Ya dig?!

Counting down the days
Like my savior is on his way
Like my king has saved the day
Like my Lord is answering my pray-
'ers!
Ya heard?!

Finally I'm cooling down
my words were flowing out
and with them my anxiety
and stress
for another time
in another mess.
I'll be back
to lay the rhyme
to ring the chime
to dance the jig
Ya dig?!

Glancing through the Past

So lately I've been hung up about the past. I think about old friends; I look for them on myspace/facebook; I also have been reading my old posts from 3 years ago. I feel like i've changed so much. I used to be funny and witty, but I feel like I may have lost that. I feel like i've begun to stop finding humor in the world around me. It makes me sad. Everyone's life keeps moving forward, including mine, but I keep looking back and then tripping on things that are in front of me because i'm not looking where I'm going. I want a little of my old self. Is that impossible?

My Little Girl

You're my little girl
and my best friend.
Love you more than life
because my love has no end:
With your beautiful eyes
that you must get from me,
and your sassy attitude,
but from who could that be?
My Little Girl -L-I-A
What can I say?
I live every day
to see your smile
showing all 6 of your teeth.
It makes my heart melt.
In my life,
I've never felt
such pride
inside.
to the LORD I lift
my heart and thanks
for such a precious gift.
And I pray
every night
and every day
for the strength to be the type
of mom to make your life
go right.
Be happy.
Be you.
Stay true.
That's what I wish for you,
My little girl.

Jillien

l Let Go (Reprise)

I have finally let go.
I feel the feeling fleeting
Into nothingness.

Thank God,
I've finally moved on
From the only thing holding me back.

I have finally let go,
And you will notice the change.
You will see that my name
has warped again.

How Tortured Are You?

How tortured are you?
In an infinite megabyte world...
In a sea of 1's and 0's;
In an abyss of fleeting strangers.

How tortured are you?
Melting in a pot of digital waves,
Fading in the vast nothing,
Searching in a world controlled by computer chips.

How tortured are you?
To have no family or friends
To touch or to know
To hold or to show your face to late at night.

How tortured are you?
Now that you know
That you are not alone
You are not alone.

Oh yeah

So I finally graduated. Its seems like i've lost the best form of entertainment I could have ever ask for. I was the type of student that never skipped class. I actually LOVED going to class b/c that was the only time I would learn anything. I'm not the type to go home and diligently read my book and do my homework. Like I've said before: I'm lazy. Nonetheless, I have this kind of memory where if I hear it I remember it. So if i never go to class; i'd never learn anything... Well now its over and there are no brilliant people analyzing poetry for me or explaining the theories of theology and philosophy. No one asking me the tough questions. No one challenging me. I think its time for graduate school. I'm sure they'll bust my balls there. I'll be begging to be a graduate again. Maybe by the time i finish grad school, I'll be so full of knowledge that i will feel content and satisfied. I just need to be accepted. Thats the hard part...

Bootie Dimples

How is it possible for such a skinny person to be so dimply fat!?! Its insane. I'm not good at working out, but I should be... I just don't have the energy. I wonder when I became so lazy and disinterested. i used to be fierce. I even notice that with Lia. She is soo hyper, and I don't have the patience or energy to keep up and i'm only freking 22 years old!!! I feel like an old lady and sometimes I look like an old lady it seems.

Ode to Nora Jones...lol

I, too, yearn for yesterday,
As sweet, soft, amber, airy somethings fill the air.
With eyes closed my heaviness fades away,
And my everything with you I'd love to share.

With eyes open I barely know what to feel,
But somehow you're voice gives me a place to rest.
Slowly my confused wounds begin to heal,
And my heart beats more gently in my chest.

I, too, yearn for yesterday
To a time when my happiness was my only care,
But don't dwell in the past-- they often say;
I admit that never again will I be there.

Whoa

Its been a while.

I've been so busy with school its ridiculous. I'm the editor this semester again for the newspaper and we were having some big problems. I almost hyperventilated and died in the office when I saw the finished copy because of all the mistakes. It was incredible. Anyways I have been asked to blog for the new blog for OLHCC. School related stuff. So if you wanna double dose of blogging its at www.getserious.wordpress.com
Anyways there we go. I'm tired of words. Maybe after I graduate I'll be able to devote myself to writing more. I look forward to being graduated.

One Act/ One Scene Play

[Scene: A wife in the kitchen. Her husband sitting in the living room watching tv. The rooms are set up so that one may see from the kitchen to the living room and from the living room to the kitchen.]

Husband: I'm hungry. what we got to eat?
WIfe: There's a pizza in the freezer. Go fix it
Husband: Alright

[ Husband walks over to the freezer and takes out the pizza.]

Husband: Bay, how long does it take for the oven to heat up?
Wife: I don't know about 7 minutes, I guess.

[Husband turns on the oven, places the pizza in it immediately, and sets the timer]

wife: What did you do? Just set the time for 7 minutes extra?
Husband: Yea

[After a few minutes the wife goes over to the oven. There are 7 minutes left on the timer. She opens up the oven door and a big puff of smoke comes out of the oven. she closes the door quickly. she walks back to the living room and sits with her husband on the couch. A few minutes pass when the husband speaks again.]

Husband: Wow it smells like the pizza is burning.
Wife: Yeah it does, and when I walked over there and opened the door a big puff of smoke came out.
Husband: What!

[He runs to the oven and opens the door. An even larger puff of smoke comes out of the oven]

Husband: What the hell?! Why didn't you take the pizza out when you saw all the smoke.
Wife: Well the timer still had 7 minutes left.

The End.